Goals of 12 week program:
1. Learn to be gentle and positive with and about myself
2. Start habit of morning pages that will carry on for life
3. Break down the liver's (like to live, not liver like thing my generation abuses) block
Week Three: Recovering a Sense of Power
This week was about taking the power back from fear, anger, shame and negative or unnecessary criticism. Cameron wrote on how anger can be used and should not be ignored. She taught that while violent uses of anger were not healthy but channeling that anger and understanding it could produce some great ideas. She spoke of Synchronicity and how we often delay possible success because we think we are being handed things we don't deserve when really we've put the positive energy out there and we're given opportunities as a reward. She also addresses how scary possible success can be. No want wants to admit that they feel safe in inaction but there is definitely a threat of being successful. Once successful there is a standard to meet and exceed. I relate to this very well. Definitely the reason for some of my actions since graduation. That's about as personal as I will get here. :)
My favorite quotation:
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
- Henry David Thoreau
While this was not a piece written by Cameron she did include it for a reasons and when I read it I starred it and highlighted the heck out of it. I need to pay more attention to this kind of exchange rather than be flippant about the amount of money exchanged for an item or a service. Not to mention an emotion or reaction to a situation out of my control.
Favorite Task:
List 5 traits you liked in yourself as a child.
outgoing
loving
crafty
nerdy/curious
imaginative
(I'm going to add a 6th: Independent)
When I was really young my mom was an apartment manager and when people were scheduled to come and look at places I was known sometimes to be standing in the grass waiting and when they would come up I would ask them if they were looking for an apartment. My family as well as the renters found it quite cute, or so they said. :)
I was loving to many things and people when I was little. I put great importance in my stuffed animals, I loved seeing all different members of my extended family and I loved so hard I cried often. Sometimes when I would leave my mom, and sometimes when I would leave my dad.
When I was little, before perfectionism fully set in, I was very creative and crafty. I would draw for days and even when perfectionism started I was still making up stories about Barbies and Ponies that I would also do illustrations for so I could get the cover and the back page laminated. That was a BIG thing in the younger grades. Having something laminated was a big deal. Or maybe that was just to me, maybe that's where my obsession with paper products and magazines comes in.
I'm not going to lie, when I was little I was thirsty for information, I still am. But I didn't have Google then so I would read whatever I could find. I was an advanced reader so I read about topics before they were really introduced to most kids my age, I snuck my mom's magazines and would read the juicy articles from time to time. I would read my Grandparent's Reader's Digest during the holidays. I would read my family some of the funny little stories they post because if I didn't my mom would get on me about being antisocial. I read Reader's Digest during those times because I wasn't allowed to have a book out.
I was definitely imaginative when I was little, I still am but not to the level of a child. I still have a hard time with scary movies and shows because I am really good at suspending disbelief in things. I don't care how cheesy the scary movie is, I'm still going to startle easy after I watch it. I'm still going to make sure my doors are locked and sleep under an extra blanket (which would not help at all I know, but it's a subconscious thing). I wrote stories that I created before people told me to grow up or that it didn't make sense. I think the last story I wrote was in the vein of Sweet Valley High in 3rd or 4th grade. I erased it though because that's when perfectionism and doubt started hitting hard.
There were times my parents would find me either playing or asleep in my own closet. Not because they left me unattended for long (they were and are really good parents, I just knew how to play by myself) but because I was so good at coming up with stories and things to do on my own. I'm sure my closet seemed like a cool hideout and Barbies didn't have a preference. I would read in the morning once I was old enough to get my own cereal so Mom could sleep a little longer. Well, I didn't really mind anyway, once she was up and about it was time to do things and I really just wanted to read.
Check In:
1. Morning pages: 5/7, well, that's definitely a pattern
Week 3 had a lot going on. There were a few unpleasant things I was dealing with... the car issue, a cold, etc. But I guess that would have been an even better time to write.
2. Artist Date: Again, didn't give myself real time here.
3. Did you experience Synchronicity this week? : I question synchronicity here. Not that it happens but if it creates seemingly negative things. The car crash, then it was considered totaled, bad cold, my comforter ruined, my living situation in question etc. All in the matter of a week and a half or so.
4. Other Issues:
This week I was faced with a fork in my road. I had to make a decision (of which I am not talking about yet) and I think that tested my recovery a bit. But I don't think it was a bad thing. Thus far I'd say I've come out with flying colors. I held my cool through the car issue, I only cried about the feeling of impending doom once, I kept a positive attitude and I fully weighed options and listened to my heart and my mind. I trusted myself, and still do, to make the right decisions. In the middle of it there were definitely some doubts but nothing as bad as it use to be. I'm definitely more gentle with myself, more positive.
To close this time I'll ask you to answer my favorite task question of the week: What five traits did you like in yourself as a child?
xoxo
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