Before the Jump

I can feel it. I'm sitting on the edge of something new. I know it's time to move forward, but I'm still finding the path. I've been working hard these past couple of years. Working hard to make improvements to the little things, the little things that make up the big things. I've been staying put so as not to run away.

I promised myself that the next time I went somewhere new, I would be running toward something instead of away.

I've been reading a lot of books, and one of them had me facing some interesting questions. Questions like: What is your Prince Charming? What are you looking to be saved by? The exercise is to see what you've been waiting for this whole time, what you just really hope will come and save you, the thing or person or idea that will make your life peaches and cream, sinfully delicious with no retribution. That Prince Charming, it's been outed so it can be acknowledged. Not judged, just seen. Then once you've taken a long look at this supposed Prince, start teaching yourself the truth: you are your own Prince Charming. It's going to have to be you.

My Prince Charming? Probably the open road. Or epiphanies. I am a fool  in love (or maybe lust) for the idea of epiphanies. Something that sticks, something that clicks in an instant and it stays more powerful than the habits and the thoughts that you have been cultivating and practicing for years and years.

Epiphanies aren't going to save me. And now that I think about it, who says I need saving?
I don't need to be saved. Yes, I'm often frustrated, yes I could grow more in certain aspects of my life, yes I could be making more money, seeing more places, posting more to the blog, etc. But does that mean I need saving? Absolutely not, I'm not so bad off.

I have a roof over my head, clothes to keep warm, a fan to cool off, a computer to type, explore and learn, cameras to capture beauty. I have family, and friends. I have my significant other that loves me for exactly what I am, right now. Without even trying, he's teaching me to love that too. Me as I am. Right here. Right now.

So where am I going? What am I on the edge of? I'm not sure yet. I know it's something great though. Something bigger than I've done before, maybe by a lot, maybe by a little. Time will tell. It's going to have some rough spots, all great things do.

But I don't and won't need to be saved.

And I'll be running at it, instead of away.

xoxo

Currently

Thinking about:So many things, all the time. So many things. Like resumes and salary requirements and saving and paying off debt and travel and airline miles and missing my dear boyfriend terribly, and booty bounce classes and how the heck I'm going to have enough material to fill another hour. And my sore muscles from my splits workshop class and oversplits and blogging and what books to read next.
This is nothing new, I have a lot more than this going on inside my head most days.

Feeling:Right this moment I am feeling open and positive. We had a good lunch meeting for work recently which made me feel a bit better about my position and what I bring to the table.

I'm feeling intense anticipation for my trip to Austin, TX. Not only will I be reunited with the man, I will also be exploring the heck out of a new city!!! Get this, they have a skeeball league in Austin. It already has a little piece of my heart.

Proud of my sister who graduated on Saturday from NAU. It's so crazy that we're already here that I've been out of college for 5 years now. FIVE! But back to her, she is on her path to success, there's absolutely no other option for her, it's how she's wired. I definitely look up to her for that.

Watching:

The last season of Friday Night Lights. I binged watched Season 3 of girls the weekend before this last one. I will be watching The Katy Perry movie eventually.

Love and sometimes watch The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

Missing Pretty Little Liars terribly.

Staying up to date (for the most part) with Nashville and Game of Thrones.

I haven't watched this many tv shows/movies since possibly before high school. But generally it's in the binge watch fashion.

Realizing: 
So many good things about myself and my future and the stories I've been telling myself about myself and my past. Sounds a little redundant doesn't it. Been putting the self improvement books and articles to work, been keeping a list of things I value about myself in hopes to use the new confidence and appreciation to go out there and take on this world. I've laid low for far too long. It's time to really see what I can do.

Looking for:
Adventure. Small and large. A trip to Santa Barbara to visit a friend maybe, or one to Los Angeles for a flea market. My adventure to Austin, TX at the end of the month!!! And whatever else this year holds.

Reading:

45 Pep Talks by Kara Haupt

#Girlboss - Sophia Amoruso
I Shouldn't Be Telling You This - Kate White

Eating/Cooking:
My new favorite dish is a combination of brown rice, sweet potato chunks, avocado, black beans or chick peas and spicy peanut sauce. I've made it for my dinner/next day's lunch three weeks in a row now. Basically the only cooking I've done in a long time.

Working on:

My resume. No matter what is in the future, a good resume is a great tool to have. After reading so many things on career blogs and in the two books mentioned above I feel it's time to step up my game. Not just for my future, but also to have something to come back to when I'm feeling a little rough. Something that reminds me of where I've been and where I would like to go.

 

xoxo

My Mission Statement - A Rough Draft

I've been flirting with mission statements lately. I've researched how to write them and what to write in them. I've looked at others and take bits and pieces. I've cried and shut down, I've written for pages and pages. I worked through a Mission Statement generator and didn't like the outcome, it seemed to square, too boxed in, chewed up and spit out.

I wrote notes about what a mission statement should have and the page with those notes found a home under a little cabinet I have by my bed. Not on purpose, but that's how things go sometimes.
I wrote myself a list of things I could do to get through the days until Dan and I adventure again. Yay for an Austin, Texas visit, and one of them was MISSION STATEMENT, written just like that. Caps, caps, caps.

I have been working my way through different worksheets that go along with Money: A Love Story and I think it's no coincidence the things I've been able to work through and the clarity I'm starting to find. In the past couple of days I've made realization after realization (and also had realization hang overs) and when I found that sheet of paper, hidden under the little cabinet, I sat down and decided it was time for another draft.

Instead of formulas, numbers and goals I have feelings. I wrote what made my heart feel free. I don't think it's done yet, I want to make it read pretty, but done is better than perfect, and a rough draft is better than none.

So here it is. I will read it daily, maybe even write it in the morning, and I'll see if anything changes, expands or simplifies. One day maybe I'll have a finished one, but until then I want to live by this. One day at a time.

It is my mission to:

Go on adventures large and small. Celebrate as often as possible. Love with an open heart. Take risks that make me feel alive. Phase out what makes me feel small. Sleep well, sweat often and eat food that makes me feel good whether it’s salad, steak or a donut. Dance. Build lasting relationships, waste no time on frivolous ones. Practice gratitude daily. Savor. Laugh freely. Get sand in my shoes and crumbs in my car. Whisper many “I love you’s” and act on many more. Be a mirror of other people’s potential, not what I perceive to be their faults. Explore that which excites me no matter how silly and no matter how bad I might be at it. Embrace the beginner’s mentality. Be authentic and unapologetic about who I am, what I love, and where I am going. No comparisons needed, I am enough. Not a problem to fix, not defective. Luminous.

 xoxo