Today I woke up (much like Lisa Khoury, well, in the fact that we both opened our eyes) and found more information had been added to
the first opinion piece
I responded to yesterday. This is to the other people who commented, to
Lisa and to
Edward, her Managing Editor.
In Lisa's
follow up article she explains herself a little better. I am glad I took time to try and see her point on some of the things she said before this came out and figure that she was just wording it in a different way than she meant it.
While I understand how many women (and men) were upset by this post, I don't think it was fair, or even a good argument, to call Lisa names or say things about how she is not a Ferrari. The fact that she received 21 emails in which she was called a cunt (and I'm assuming they weren't reclaiming the word and using it in a positive manner). I don't think that is acceptable either. No matter how much we as tattooed women (me less than others) feel victimized by society and their outdated beliefs it doesn't mean we can call other women names. Do you think ANY women in this world needs to hear any of that? No. Definitely not. I mean, for starters people were judging her looks by a work photo. That's like judging people's looks by their Driver's License or Passport photo. I mean, every once in a while someone gets a good one but for the most part they suck. This was proved to be true when I clicked on her facebook link and saw a pretty picture of her in more natural light.
I think in a society where some of us are already fighting for our lives against outside opinions and influences on what we "should" do with our naturally beautiful bodies, it is totally unnecessary to add to the negative, appearance based commentary. While I admit I thought some means things at first, I knew they weren't appropriate and even more so, that they weren't fair and most likely not even true.
That being said, I am completely and totally guilty of this in other situations. I have thought mean things about a woman because she had a differing opinion or had what I thought I wanted at the time. Since high school though, I've been making it a point to really look at those harsh judgements when they pop up. Turns out, I've made a lot of awesome friends out of women I could have said negative, undefinable things about.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say I no longer think Lisa is a woman hater. I would guess that she's finding her way in feminism and in her own body and unfortunately mentioned things that people see as superficial when they don't take everything into consideration. As a self proclaimed feminist I sometimes like to get my nails done (when I have the funds) and shop (again, when I have the funds) and giggle with some girl friends over cute boys or other mostly brainless activities.
I understand what it's like to finally realize that your body can be sexy, that you aren't as bad off as you seem. I understand what it's like to work through some personal issues and come to a point where looking in the mirror isn't always painful. I am sure some people would say that I don't REALLY know what it's like because I'm a white female, and frankly have pretty close to symmetrical features (one of the indicators of beauty apparently), I've never been too small or two big by any majority standard and I have unique hair. But know this, what stands out gets called out. My red hair... didn't think it was an advantage or something to be stoked on for years. I mean, sure, grown ups were always talking about how pretty it was but my peers were always pointing it out as different, and making jokes about it.
I guess that's a long way of saying I understand what Lisa means now when she gets excited about shopping or getting her nails done. She never wanted to before, she was in a constant fight with the mirror. I'm sure just about every women in the United States has gone through that at some point or another. Some for longer amounts of times than the rest of us... so should we be attempting to force people back into that unhappy fight?
Do I still think your article could have been written better and made less harsh? Definitely. Despite the nails/hair/frivolities comments there were many things about tattoos being classless AND defining all of us into the angel wing sporting type. People in and around the tattooed world know that there are at least two groups of tattooed people. There's the group that gets one or two small ones... sometimes butterflies above butt cheeks, and then there are those who get covered, or a limb covered or their back, and they go and take time for the meaning... or they don't... but they get covered. Seriously, ass antlers or not (excuse me I just think the saying is really funny) if you want a tattoo, get it. And if you DON'T want a tattoo, I am DEFINITELY not saying you should get one. Leave the appointments for the rest of us! Nobody should be pressured or harshly judged for things they don't want to do with their body, women especially.
Women shouldn't be pressured to have kids if they don't want to have them, they shouldn't be made to feel guilty. Women should get plastic surgery if they want to (an argument I'm reluctant to agree too but am starting to understand) and not be made to feel bad about it either. I mean, I'll admit, there are days where I would love a little more oomph in my chest area... but I, personally, am not about to go under the knife for it.
I've taken a while to get here but I figure this is an explanation that needs to be made from the side of the tattooed:
I'll admit we are quick to get up in arms when someone says they don't like tattoos on women. Here's why... every day we choose to show our tattoos we are judged, questioned and touched by at least one person. Every time. Yes, tattoos are becoming more prevalent in our society but that doesn't stop people from thinking they can touch us, question us, or tell us we are going to regret it.
You might say that we deserve it and should expect it because we've put these things on our body... but let me ask you this. Would it be okay to walk up to a stranger and ask her why she got her boobs done? Better yet, would it be okay to walk up to her and start squeezing them? Telling her that she's going to regret it one day when she has to get them redone? Tell her that it was a waste of money? I mean, this is a stranger I'm talking about here, not a close friend. Would that be okay? If you are just thinking about women on women touching/asking here then let's think about it if a man did it, just walked up to a women and touched/squeezed her obviously fake boobs? Okay? Unless she has a sign that says to do so no. Definitely not.
Let's take it away from a sexual parts, I still don't think it would be okay to walk up to a women who just had her nose done and touch it, or ask about it. These women have chosen to undergo surgery where they have to be put under (way more invasive than your average... or even not so average tattoo) and yet WE, the tattooed, get questioned, poked and prodded?
Yes, I chose to get these tattoos, yes I like them, no I don't like it when strangers come up behind me and grab my arm to look at them. I've had strangers take pictures of my arm without asking... awkward? Just a bit. Will I answer questions about my tattoos, yes. As long as people aren't being condescending or rude.
There's more. Not only do we get touched, poked and prodded with no qualms by the offending party, we also get barraged with questions like "how are you doing to get a job" when some/most of us already have jobs we are quite happy in. We get asked or told that good men aren't going to want to marry us, that they don't want women with tattoos. You know my response to that? If tattoos are the thing stopping a guy from getting to know me then it really wasn't meant to be anyway.
I get people asking me why I would ruin my beautiful, pale skin. Ummm, why do you tan? Last I heard tattoos aren't causing cancer but sunbathing is. And besides that, maybe I consider these additions to be making it even more beautiful. I mean, colors really pop out on my skin (because I'm basically paper white) and that makes me really happy.
I don't ask people why they choose to where a color when it washes them out, I don't ask people why they cut their hair short when it really looks better long... you know why? Because those are just my opinions. They have nothing to do with the other person and how they are living their life. Maybe they cut their hair short to donate to Locks of Love, maybe they wear that color because the shirt was their mother's or something. Who knows.
It's not just an issue of tattoos, it's an issue of humanity, community, and communication. Why are we putting so many negative vibes into the universe when we could be putting positive ones out there? Why are we hating when we could just go to where we see things we like and commenting on that.
I'm not saying we shouldn't have disagreements. I'm not saying we shouldn't have commented our opposition to Lisa's position, I'm just saying there has to be a better way.
Edward, Lisa's Managing Editor, said something about how we should have all been writing to Komen instead of jumping on this issue.
My thoughts: many of us were also writing to Komen, we can respond to more than one issue at a time. I personally was out of the loop for that one so I did not respond and by the time I heard about it the decision was reversed (thank goodness), but I would have responded eventually if it hadn't been.
To say we should be burning buildings instead of commenting or writing emails is a little extreme.
Personally, I figured it was a benefit that things could be protested and changed over the internet instead of needing riots, protests, police interference, and violence. Burning down the Komen building would not have been beneficial. Would that have made Komen want to keep sending money to Planned Parenthood? Wouldn't that be more of a bully situation?
Again, not justifying any of the mean, appearance related comments that were made against Lisa, I'm just questioning Edwards thoughts on what could have been done instead. Really think Lisa's follow up was a better explanation than Edward's condescending response.
And now I'm going to go read, or pin pretty shoes on pinterest. Because I can do both and still feel intelligent, pretty, beautiful and/or anything else positive.
xoxo
