52 photos in 52 weeks: Week 12

Last week has been long and short at the same time. It feels like it's been longer than seven days since I hung out with my little sis but I guess there's just been a lot happening in that seven days.

There was our Monday night adventures, we (plus Dad and C) went with T as her support system for a tragus piercing. Then we dropped the parents at home and went for some pasta dinner and then frozen yogurt. There was a whole bunch of silliness and laughing. Monday was full in itself. Not to mention Monday went by really fast at work even though it had been really slow all day... good company I guess.

The rest of the week was this and that... work, sleep, reading a bit, blogging, cleaning up my Pinterest getting ready to Clipix due to realizations with their Terms of Service, but luckily Pinterest is listening to what other bloggers have been saying (examples: one, two, three) and Saturday I received an email saying that some of these issues are being addressed and a new ToS is going into effect the beginning of April! So I'll still be cleaning up my pinterest boards BUT I won't have to switch to another website. Which I really didn't want it, it actually bummed me out pretty bad when I thought I should.

Rewind back to Tuesday... I was at the tutoring center most of the day and stayed until about 8:30 and then went to dinner with some of the other lovelies I work with. It was so much fun. We talked and laughed about everything, and since we're all nerd about something it was great. We got thai food which was sooo delicious and then we figured we should leave once they started vacuuming around us.

Thursday... oh Thursday... the night of The Hunger Games midnight showing. Be still my heart. So much love. But you already know about that since I posted my thoughts (but no spoilers) here. Peeta... I love you. I just want to say that now. Can I have a Peeta for myself? Do I already have a Peeta for myself... who knows. Maybe I'm just being like Katniss and not getting it. Thoughts for another time.

Friday I went on a date and saw 21 Jump Street. Holy crap. I figured there would be some funny parts, I mean, I liked Super Bad well enough and Anchor Man has even grown on me so I figured this would be similar... but I laughed almost the whole entire movie. It was just one thing after another. Sweet genius awkward hilarious comedy and truth be told I'm a sucker for that puppy dog face on Channing. Kills me. 

Saturday I did the aformentioned Pinterest spring cleaning, well, I started it, and then forced myself to work out before work. I'm going to be totally honest here, I'm really glad I did that. Not because it made my day any harder or easier, but because it felt good. I felt a little stronger and just at least a tad happier. I then went home,  (showered, duh, gross) tried a new way of putting (some of) my hair up and went off to work. While that lovely movie theater of mine can be stressful it can also be fun. I've found some buddies and working with them, whether dead or chaos, the shift is filled with laughing and jokes. Leaving work knowing I was going right back after less than 7 hours of sleep was a little discouraging but it happened and that's where I went first thing this morning.  

Sunday's shift was, weeeellll, it was nutso. The Hunger Games sold out (okay maybe one or two seats left... that's it) every time it played... and we played it a good 5 times (at least) every day this weekend. So, my excitement for the movie has already come to a normal level but then all of these people who haven't seen it yet are in there and I'm like, wait guys, why are you SOOO excited... and then I realize they weren't as dedicated (irresponsible?) as I was and I would have to let them off the hook. They probably made it to most of the Harry Potter movies and I still haven't seen the last... well, the last 6...

But anywho, supreme madness was the order for the day from clock on to clock off and here's the only other thing I will say about it. The shift went by fast. Oh... and I learned something new in a trial by medium fire way. I even got a round of applause from some of my coworkers... I think they were mostly trying to get my face to match my hair color, but I'll just pat myself on the back for a job well done anyway. :)

Last but not least Sunday night was family dinner night and I spent time chatting with my dad and cuddling with Saki (Sake) my/the family's lovely cat. And by that I mean she burrowed and pawed at my hair and did circles in and out of my hands reach to get me to pet her. Such a silly kitty.

Well, I guess there really isn't much about the pictures here now is there? I guess the best is for last. So, this bottom picture was my favorite from the week. The one at the top is another favorite of mine. I felt guilty using this bottom picture at all because I already posted it this week and I've been trying to keep the 52 photos as unposted ones. But some things can just not be helped sometimes. So that is that. I mean, she's my sister, of course her picture can be used twice.

and with that, all I have left to say is...

xoxo

twenty-six things about me for my twenty-sixth year of life

I figured since I am not going to do a 26 before 27 that I would instead do a list of things about me. Not quite usual things I guess you could say. I mean, to me it's all the norm, but that's because I live with me 24/7. What a drag I can be sometimes. ;)

1. I am not a big fan of cheese. My aversion has lessened over the years but I am still incredibly picky. I love cream cheese and mac and cheese (but that's fake cheese). I do not like just about any other type of cheese. I won't eat cheese on pizza, I take it off, I won't eat grilled cheese sandwiches and only recently could I start eating quesadillas ONLY IF I had beans, guac and sour cream to dip it in.

2. I changed high schools my junior year. I was bored (I guess) with the one I went to Freshman and Sophomore year so I just changed. I didn't really know anybody at the new school but it was closer to my house. Senior year I transferred back to the first high school so I could be off campus most of the day. My original high school had an open campus and more artsy classes... it fit me better overall but I don't regret trying the other, more normal school.

3. I've lived in Portland three times. Once for a month the summer of '06, then for two years and most recently for 10 months. I still miss it but I know there are other places for me to explore.

4. Before pinterest (and even still) I kept file folders full of pictures from magazines for collages. While I love, love, love pinterest I really like having a physical copy of the picture to look at.

5. I have a hard time reading long articles on the computer. I would print out the online reading assignments in college so I could write on them and reference them later. That's probably why I'm not all that stoked on the idea of a Kindle. I mean, for packing and traveling it seems great, and when I finish a book while I am out and about, having a book on my iphone is helpful, but I can't get over the feel and the smell of real books. It's part of the experience for me.

6. I LOVE pens. I don't let myself walk down aisles with pens or office supplies because I will probably find something I think I need. My pen preferences change on a whim and I really don't know why. Sometimes I prefer ballpoint, other times I feel I can't write without a needle point.

7. I need a blanket to fall asleep at night. I will sleep fitfully during a nap if I don't have a blanket or something covering my arms and chest. The heavier the better, though in the summer, that isn't always possible, and I think that's the real reason I don't sleep well in the heat. Not because it's hot, but because I can't be adequately covered. And if they are a couple of thin, light blankets... nah, those only work for naps. Give me weight!

8. I have a dent in my left thigh. I'm still not 100% sure how it came to be. But the muscle in the dent is completely broken down. The heel of my palm can fit in it perfectly. It could have been hitting the beam in gymnastics but I don't remember a time like that and I remember most of my painful occurances. Like the time I had the wind knocked out of me because instead of using the spring board I ran full speed into the vault... or the time I did a handstand on the beam and fell onto my shin... but I don't remember my left thigh... it's a mystery.

9. Speaking of injuries... I split the back of my head open (not the bone thank goodness) during my sister's first birthday party. I was doing a flip into the pool, something I had been really good at before then, and misjudged jumping up versus jumping out and WHAM head connected to rough concrete. I didn't cry until someone yelled that I was bleeding. Then I lost it. I freaked out even further when they told me I needed stitches. I cried all the way to the hospital (because I was scared, not because it hurt...even though it did) and then when they put the stitches in I think I was fine.

10. Going with the injury subject, I've never broken a bone. (I'm knocking on wood real hard right now.) I was never really the physically adventurous type. But most of the physical activities I participated in had the potential for many injuries.

11. I was never big into team sports, but I did find myself on a cheer squad my 8th grade year. (a fact which surprises many) Before you think pop warner know it was more like Bring It On in the competitive sense. Before that I had taken gymnastics classes for a couple of years if not more and before that was karate. I guess karate is pretty safe until you start fighting and I definitely never found myself at that level. But cheer, oh man, that sport can be incredibly dangerous, I finally proved myself as a flyer half way through the year but my group was careful with me and I never had any bad falls... Thank goodness.

12. I listen to just about any kind of music EXCEPT reggae. I dislike reggae so very much. Seriously it makes me angry when I hear it. Probably some conditioning from high school but I get very antsy and annoyed when I hear it and can't get away. Interesting aversion to have when you live close to the beach in Southern California...

13. I didn't have my first, all to myself, alcoholic drink until I was 22. It was a mimosa. Delicious. I still drink MAYBE once a month and can have the same amount of fun with or without it. There are few alcoholic drinks I like. I go through phases and for the last several months margaritas are the only thing that sound or taste good to me. Before that it was vodka with fruit juices... before that strictly champagne.

14. I learned how to crochet in Junior High. I've since made several blankets, a few for myself and a good amount for friends' babies and such.

15. I befriended my librarian in J.H. and still send her letters/emails every couple of months. She was a very awesome person to have in my life during what are probably the worst school years in a kid's life. (Personal opinion obviously, was junior high the hard time for you?) We shared our love of books and I worked in the library most than was usually allowed. I think she even let me borrow books over the summer. Don't worry, I brought them back.

16. I was obsessed with Sweet Valley High books. I loved Elizabeth and Jessica. My parents thought they were racy (they hadn't read them) and they definitely were not. I remember waiting for the newest part of the series to come out (when they changed to a black cover and the earthquake happened and everything) and then I would read them in one sitting. My mom didn't want to buy them because I would go through them so fast. Unfortunately the library at school and the library in town didn't have them either. So I kept buying them.

17. The idea of the feeling of a chalkboard (not even nails across a chalk board) makes me feel all creepy crawly. That and walls that have cheap cheap, chalky paint on them. Same feeling, I hate it, makes me shiver and then my skin crawls and it's not fun. Oh, and wet wood... mind out of gutter please... like those spoons that use to come with applesauce that you could take to school. Those wooden flat spoons (what's the point really?) were horrible and torture, I just ended up drinking the applesauce out of the small cup it came in. Classy since birth people...

18. I have small hands. Especially because my feet are larger or at least normal size. On the whole, from palm to tips of fingers, my hands are small... best part, the circumferences of my fingers are normal if not a bit large. I'm talking ring size 7/8 on a mini hand.

19. I once spent a month in Argentina, one day I'll write about it here and share pictures.

20. I find myself get a tad uncomfortable seeing right above the backs of guys knees. I don't think this is an always kind of thing, but it's definitely a thing I have. The less tan they are/ the lighter the back of the knee is than the calf, the more uncomfortable I feel. I think it's something about how I'm so use to guys wearing long shorts or pants and when I see that area of a guy I almost feel like it's a private area. Haha. Where's my habit, seriously... No, but really, like I was saying, the less tan it is or the greater the difference is in color between say the calf and the area above the back of the knee... the more I think it hasn't seen the sun and therefore think it's been hidden and private. Silly.

21. I use to be a pro at Myspace stalking. Nowadays the youngin's call it lurking and they are talking about Facebook (which, by the way, is much harder to stalk/lurk). No, really though, I was scary good. And then I realized that knowing that info about people wasn't helping my life any, so I gave it up. Cold turkey...
well, for the most part.

22. I have only had two actual, titled boyfriends. The first was in my sophomore year of high school and we lasted a whopping 2.5 weeks (give or take a day or two). Luckily this was before the days of Myspace and so I wasn't as heartbroken as I could have been to know he had been meaning to date this other girl. Don't worry, they didn't get together until senior year.
The second ended up being a really interesting story, but not a good one. I fell hard for the idea of a relationship, a big girl relationship... a not in high school relationship and so I felt some pretty deep emotions. I'm not saying love, that wasn't one of them.
Things ended not so great (read: with me calling him the p word... ending isn't ick... more like alternative name for a cat) and he admitted months later after attempting to add me on good ol' FB (cuz really, we were such good friends) that he had been doing some hard drugs while we were together.
You live and you learn.

23. Speaking of hard drugs, I haven't done any. I haven't even done the drugs that people swear aren't drugs because they're natural. No nose candy, no mary jane... nothin. I can't say that I've never had a contact high... I can't tell the difference between what could be a possible contact high and my normal silliness... but then there was the fourth of a beer I drank... (I'm not even being sarcastic, depending on how much water/food I've had that day I can get tipsy off of a fourth of a drink... I did it tonight.) I admit to befriending stoners in the past. But I have chosen to abstain due to a lack of interest.

24. I had quite possibly the BEST wisdom teeth extraction that one could have. The first session they took out the top two and I went to work that night. They didn't put me under, no extra strength pain meds, only normal levels of ibuprofen after.
Second session the bottom two were cut out (again I was awake for the whole thing) and I took the next day off work just in case but went to work the day after that again with only ibuprofen.
My cheeks didn't swell, I didn't fill my prescription for vicodin AND I was awake both sessions.
Seriously, I'm still amazed at how lucky I came out of that one.

25. The first job that I can remember wanting was to be a dolphin trainer at Sea World. I still wouldn't hate that job at all. Well, maybe a bit. I hear the trainers don't get paid all that well (even with risk of death when dealing with Shamu... ps while death is sad, I'm giving the whale the benefit of the doubt) and SW isn't the best company to work for. But that's all rumor so who really knows. I would die (not really, then I wouldn't be able to enjoy it) for the chance to help a scientist test dolphin intelligence or their use of echolocation. Some dreams never die.

26. People assume I am a LOT younger than I am... we're talking at least 6 years here most of the time. One on hand that's great, it means at any age I will look about half a decade younger than I am. Awesome, that's what we Americans want and love right? That's what people starve themselves for, or spend exorbitant amount of money on cold creams for?
Here's my secret, sometimes (a lot of the time) I want to look my age, or maybe just a year or two below it, not the 6 that people have been guessing lately.
Ever since I was little I've wanted to be taken seriously... thinking about it right now I think that's kind of funny considering I crack jokes all the time. But still, when push comes to shove I want to be taken seriously. (And I also want to be right, but that's a separate issue.)
Here I am at 26 grateful that I have great skin and look young but at the same time wishing people would take me seriously sometimes probably because I don't take myself seriously just about ever.

So there you have it... twenty six things you might not have known about me.

xoxo

Ms. T

Last weekend I was given a decent amount of time with this little lady... my sister. On Sunday night I left my phone at my dad's house and ultimately it was a blessing in disguise because when I went back to get it I got to talk to her for a couple of hours. We finally caught up after about a year of minimal line texts and messages.

Now she's back off to college where she has her other life. I can't begin to describe how proud I am of her for making this life hers. She's off figuring out life and love and everything else and I finally got a glimpse of what that looks like through her eyes. 

My goodness this girl lives with very few apologies (except when truly appropriate). She feels all of her emotions regardless of if others think it's right or wrong, she pushes her limits and just seems to be thriving. It was a bit of a rocky time for her going off to college but man she pulled through and look at her now. 

Even though I'm the bigger sister I still feel like I have so much to learn from her and I'm not sure I have any answers she might try to look for in me. But that's okay. I can find inspiration to stop hiding or waiting for life to happen from her. She has a good head set solidly on her shoulders and I don't worry about her anymore. She has shown me that I don't need to, she's got it handled. 

All I can do is be her partner in crime for throwback song sing-a-longs, her listening ear and her friend. 

I mean, look at her, she's gorgeous, funny, silly and smart. Even if she questions her own judgement sometimes, I know she's doing the best she can for herself. 

While I'm a bit sad just reading over this because she isn't here I know it won't be too long before she's back for the summer. I'm stoked. I hope for more car dance parties, blasting music and singing only slightly off key. I am excited for more late night chats about everything and nothing, joking about how great we are and how we should really try to be more modest.

Definitely something to look forward to. 

She's one of a kind, that sister of mine.

xoxo

here is the place where I love you

source

No spoilers here, don't worry. I rather just go on about how perfect their faces are. I mean Katniss especially. Her face is perfect and dewey and symmetrical looking the whole movie, even with dirt on it. 

And Peeta, well... I'm on team Peeta all the way. Gale who?

As you have probably figured out by now, I went to the midnight premiere along with everybody and their mother living within 20 miles of the San Marcos movie theater.

Well, maybe not THAT far.

But seriously, there were many, many people, and it was, well it was an experience.

There were some people dressed up but not as many as I assume there are for Harry Potter. But there were people that had been there since after school at 2pm. I arrived with my brother at about 8 pm then jumped into a different line with some friends and ended up being let into the theater first... at 10pm. A lot of joking, yelling, magazine reading and then drowsiness happened during that time. 

Then an hour before the movie they started playing some previews... that lasted maybe 20 minutes and so we were left to wait again.

Don't worry, there were more previews at 12am too.

After a movie marathon of previews The Hunger Games finally started, just when my eyes were wanting to close, and well... it began.

Again, like I said before, no specific spoilers. 

From the beginning there were some parts left out. Some parts that I'm am left wondering how they are going to fill the gap in the next movies. Is that a spoiler? I don't think it is... there's more than one movie just like there's more than one book.

So, as I was saying, from the beginning a couple of things have changed from the book, but they aren't changes big enough to make me disappointed. More just curious.

I love Katniss, I LOVE Peeta... I'm waiting to see how they develop Gale... 

The other tributes were pretty spot on...

The movie itself, the way it was shot and edited was a little unexpected. There was more movement than I thought there would be, but it suited the story really well. The shots they get, the points they focus on... part of the time I just thought of what great pictures they would be.

One last thing... I may have cried. 

Okay, I did. I totally did.

I've read the books, I knew everything that was suppose to happen and I cried. Good job actors, you played those scenes well.

Umm, did I mention how great Katniss looks...

and Peeta?

oh Peeta....

xoxo

Things To Think About

art by Valentina Ramos

While I would normally leave these links for my Friday, Happily Wasted posts, I just couldn't help but find three posts that spoke to things I've been thinking about lately.

First I happened upon Life as an Artistpreneur's Coffee Cup Chats and, as usual, smiled. This week's CCC was about sticking in your old cages even when you've clearly outgrown your restraints. It's about fear and how we learn to stay where we are, even when we have the means to be somewhere else. It's also about elephants, and elephants have a special place in my heart.
Click here to read the post and then come back...
I'm still here.
Okay, so now that you've read it you know what I mean when I talk about baby elephants vs grown ones. That I still feel very much like a baby elephant, held down by previous constraints that I don't now and never have fully understood. At least the elephants can see the thing that's holding them in place. But even if I could see it clearly, would I still be like the grown elephant thinking this tiny, insignificant stake in the ground and rope around my ankle could really keep me?
I have let things keep me from growing and moving on in the past. I switched locations but the same, invisible restraints have kept me in my patterns, my ruts, until I'm too deep to see out.
So where do I go from here, what am I testing, what am I pulling out of the ground to set myself free?
I'm no stranger to introspection and I can say that this tendency, of misjudging what's in front of you, is affecting many if not all aspects of my life.
I worry about my previous judgement with boys and wonder if I'll ever be able to find a man... I worry that I will not be good enough or smart enough to figure out how to take care of myself, even at 26. I worry that my writing is shoddy or less than other people's. I worry that while I have a passion for reading and literature that I might not have all the little pieces of knowledge necessary to be a decent teacher.
I could go on longer, but I think you get the point. I sure do.

Which leads me to the second post that I found thought provoking...
The second article has a similar animal to human comparison aspect to it... This time it was about a goat that thought and acted like it was a dog. First off, can I just say my heart melted (it oh so very cold usually ;) ) reading the story. I mean, a goat that makes a lot of noise at strangers, or chases smaller animals or runs in a pack of dogs... HOW CUTE?!
Okay, moving on to the more relevant part... the family of said goat had wanted a goat, not an extra dog. But when they created a separate area for the goat and kept him caged he became despondent and didn't eat. I'm happy to say the family gave the goat to a different family who wanted a goat/dog.
So what does this have to do with humans?
Well, how many times have you found yourself saying something that wasn't quite true because you felt like it was something you SHOULD say. As an example, I often find myself saying I love something when I just like it. For instance, many of my friends love zombies... like a good handful are obsessed about the possibility of a zombie apocalypse and can argue the methods of surviving with great detail.
In casual conversation with people who aren't this handful, when zombies are brought up I hear myself saying, "oh my goodness, I LOVE zombies." Here's the truth, I have read a few zombie stories, I watch The Walking Dead and I'll watch any other zombie movies if in a group of people. I'll even admit they can be scary or not so scary and argue some ways of surviving. I'll admit that if I were to be in that kind of world I might just take a long nap and offer myself as zombie food after a while because I don't see how I can find survival on few hours of sleep for years any kind of real living.
But do I LOVE zombies? Do I love them to the extent that real zombie lovers do? Probably not. I don't spend extra time looking things up about the possibilities or really arguing over methods. If the conversation is there I'll take it, but I'm not going to start it. And I'm not going to put zombies in my lists of interests any time soon.
Relevance Corey? What I'm saying is that unlike this goat, sometimes I try to fit in somewhere I just don't feel quite right, and it's habit more than anything else. Truth be told, I'd choose Pretty Little Liars or reading over most zombie things if I'm doing something on my own...
Truth be told I would love to work from home instead of working at an office or in a store. But sometimes we act like things we don't feel like we are.

Does that make any sense at all? I guess my thoughts aren't as organized with this one. But it sparked my interest.

Okay, I think I've got it... you are what you think you are. So if I think I'm horrible at something, say, like above where I think I'm incapable of finding a good partner, then I will be. Or if I think I'm a decent writing, then maybe I will be. Maybe my focus above was all wrong, maybe it doesn't matter if I say I love zombies when I only really like them, I don't have to know every detail of the different kinds of zombies... I just have to believe I like them.
Again, not the best example, but it's something to think about.

Basically, I am going to keep working on believing I am what I want to be, and working on gaining the skills or knowledge to make it true.

Which awesomely enough leads me to the third post...
Elise Blaha, one of my favorite bloggers, the two above are also in my top ten... wrote about making it work even if you aren't an expert. I think this post (and can I say I read these in this order... sometimes things just line up right) ties it all together.
When you think you are tied to one spot, or you think you aren't an expert, you may stay rooted in one place, unable to move anywhere besides the circle your post and rope allow you. But if you think about your strengths, in Elise's case, getting things done, and move forward anyway, you have a chance of reaching a goal you never thought you could have.
If I only think of what I'm lacking then I might not move forward and try anyway.
Sometimes, (read: many times) those things we think are important that we lack end up being small issues even though we (I) had made them these colossal roadblocks. Maybe we have to put the car in park for a second, get out of the car and move the light fence someone put up, but they aren't brick walls...
And then, when they are, it's time to try something different, or grow more and drive again. Sometimes we don't know what it is that we do that will break down that wall.
We have to have a first time doing things, we have to learn and sometimes we have to ask for help.
But most of the time we really just need to start.

Is this making sense?

Moral?

Be an elephant, but purposefully forget how those times you were held back before. Try again and see if your added bulk (knowledge, expertise, experiences) makes a difference... and while you're doing that, think that it will make a difference. Pretty soon what was a stake in the ground and thick rope on your ankle will be as insignificant as a twig and string.

xoxo

52 photos in 52 weeks: Week 11

I am just going to use this space on the documentation of the eleventh week to say this:

I love my camera sooooo, sooooo, sooooo much I just can't get over it. 

Wednesday it was really slow at my new job and I almost begged to be sent home. Not because I don't like my job, I'm liking it more and more every day, but because it was so slow and there were more than enough people working and I just needed time for something else. 

I left with the intention of going to my other job to get some more admin tasks done but on the drive home the thought of my camera popped into my head and I knew I was a goner. Responsibility said go to the other job, make up that money you missed out on by leaving... the rest of me said no, however and oh goodness was that a good idea.

I called a friend and asked if he wanted to go on a photo adventure and thankfully he was down. We went to some of my favorite broken down places in Encinitas and while I have photographed them several times it was still a new experience. This camera is such a conduit to creativity as is going on a photo adventure with a friend. You see where they think to stand when you didn't... they go places you didn't think to go, and sometimes you help them find the location they were trying to find for a perfect shot. 

Every time I pick up this camera I have a hard time putting it down. Just tonight (Monday) I was leaving to hang out with my sister before she goes back to her school and I looked at the camera and knew it had to come along even if nothing special had been planned.

Those pictures will appear in a later post though. These were all from that not-really-ditching-because-I-had-permission day.

In a couple of weeks I have the next meet up planned and I'm really excited. Even if it's just me and my photo adventure buddy it will be a good time.

xoxo

There's this scene in one of my favorite movies that I often think of. I love it for it's simplicity and sound, the movements though very small are etched in my mind. 

The movie is The Go-Getter with Zooey Deschanel. While ratings are not always great I fell in love with the movement and the scenes from the beginning. It reminds me of everything I love about simple adventures, driving through deserts, staying in cheap motels, getting crappy food and having good conversations.

Don't worry, there are no spoilers in this post. 

Whenever I'm working in a kitchen or talking to a cook, whenever I think about getting a hamburger and fries or when ever I drink a soda and hold it a certain way this movie, and more specifically, this scene comes to mind.

The boy and girl characters are sitting on the floor of a hotel room, they have their meals spread out and he asks what her is. It's just a big mac without the meat she says. The first thing to get me because at the time I was still vegetarian.

And then my favorite lines happen, they go a little like this:

"And I love cooking...I would work from one to twelve with all these creepy guys... these criminal guys... and I had, um, tendonitis. And I smelled like old butter... and I was really good at it too... and um my hands.... um... are like.... um... steal. You could burn them like it's nothing. all those knives and blood. it's like I didn't have a brain. in the kitchen you just have like this, one brain. It was... really nice."

While the quote isn't the most eloquent it is simple and makes an experience that would normally be portrayed in a dark light into an experience that I wanted for myself. Is that strange?

The best part, I now work around a kitchen and I find what she says is true. When things are going well it's like everyone has one brain in there. I get to experience it on the outskirts, watching and occasionally taking part. 

While the kitchen I work around is nothing like I imagine hers to be, I still enjoy it. I wonder what it would be like though, to be in a diner type kitchen like I figured she had been in. The butter scent, stale but strong, never quite leaving my hands. 

Hands. Mine now are so sensitive. I briefly courted (yes I did the initiating) a cook and he came over one night after work to make me pancakes. I sat on my fake wood kitchen counter, my back resting against the orange cupboard doors, and I watched him as he made the best pancakes I have ever had. I asked him, with this scene in mind, if his hands had become use to the heat of the skillets and he said yes, that in the beginning it had hurt, but by the end of his training it was like nothing. 

After pancakes we sat down at my kitchen table for a game of cards. I was excited that he had grown up on the same games as I had and we shared a love for gin rummy. Or maybe it was that he had been an avid rummy player and I had always played gin. Either way we settled the difference and even kept score through the late night. 

I'm sad to say that nothing came of that interest. He was too shy when I thought I wanted someone more forward, and when the more bold happened back into my life I took it without thinking of what I was possibly walking away from.

The bold game me no memories such as this, no moments of shared space where histories were exchanged. 

Regardless of the iffy choice I made, I consider that night, with the pancakes and cards, my version of this scene. 

Has any specific scene stayed in your mind like this? So simple but somehow important?

xoxo

Happily Wasted

my favorite place to be... in bed cuddled with this blanket

Goodness it's been a couple of weeks. My knees are not appreciating the new job and increase in hours but my bank account is... and right now that's all that can matter.

I would write more but I'm really more interested in letting you get to the links... and letting myself get back to my book. 

What book? Oh, Reading Lolita in Tehran. It's my second reading. I love it. 

Well, that's all for now!

a truly inspiring fort
I never get tired of this video
a how to on business plans for creatives
motivating desktop to wake up to
through the viewfinder like photography tips
must find kitten with heart spot when I adopt one!
Newspaper print nail art!
3 helpful tips to make your blog (blogger blog) better!
50 suns project. I wish I had seen that around in Portland!
Need to visit LA soon!!!

xoxo

52 photos in 52 weeks: Week 10

This week was so much fun photo wise. I mean, how could it not be with my new baby?! Not only was it spectacular because of my lovely camera, but it was my birthday week AND I hosted my first Meet Up! More on that in a future post...

But for now, here are the other favorites from the week!

I'm was quite inspired by this meet up group and have planned the next event! Unfortunately I will have to wait a few weeks because I have to make sure I can get the day off work, but I'm stoked! 

Here's to trying new things and meeting new people!

xoxo

Between the Lines: Looking For Alaska

This book... oh goodness this book. It has taken me quite a while to sit down and write anything about this book, and not because I wasn't impressed. 

Looking for Alaska hit me like a ton of bricks. But not in a bad way... is that possible?

The characters I loved from page one, especially Alaska. That young woman is everything to hate and love at the same time. But even when the other characters were mad, frustrated or sad at her, I still loved her. I also adored Miles (Pudge) and his innocence, his exploration of life and his willingness to try new things in order to "seek the Great Perhaps." 

This book is so beautiful and everything about it haunts me weeks later. I think about this book often and I am waiting for a paycheck so I can buy a copy for my shelf to re-read, underline and love completely.

If I went into how much this book affected me I would inevitably hit on some spoilers and that cannot happen.

While writing this post I went to John Green's website and read some of the FAQ's about the book. There I found more quotes from Green that I love. 

Frankly, I kind of want you to be haunted by the unansweredness of the question, because I think being haunted by such things is a valuable part of being a person.

...and...

The truth is that in our lives we are all going to encounter questions that should be answered, that deserve to be answered, and yet prove unanswerable. Can we find meaning to life without those answers? Can we find a way to acknowledge the reality (and injustice) of suffering without giving in to hopelessness?

These are the ideas this book explores... the injustice of wanting, need and deserving answers but having them not exist. How we then move forward from this place of wanting, needing and deserving empty handed.

While there are many, oh so many favorite excerpts from the book I'll just leave you with one:

It means 'that which the sea breaks against' and I love that. But at the time I just saw Alaska up there. And it was big just like I wanted to be.

I feel like all explaining of this quotation would fall short. So I'm not going to explain. Just read this book. It's now my #1.

xoxo

To Believe

source: somewhere on pinterest...if you know who made it, let me know!

I need to do everything it takes this year to make myself believe this. Everything.

Between the Lines: Insecure At Last

I figured this would be a great post for International Women's Day.

Oh Eve Ensler, you've spoken straight to my heart again. I read iffy reviews on this book and your others in the middle of reading this one and it lead me to doubt my current enjoyment... but I did enjoy this book, even if it made me sad. I enjoyed it because of the truths I found.

Security is an idea that we can't make 100% whole. No matter how many barriers, roofs, bullet proof vests or anything else we have, there's still room for glitch or catastrophe. However, as scary and dark as it may seem, there's room for growth in the unknown. (something I MUST learn this year and forever after)

This book had many great parts to it, I will save myself from just typing a fourth of the book here and just share one quotation:

Language has the capacity to transform our cells, rearrange our learned patterns of behavior, and redirect our thinking. I believe in naming what's right in front of us because that is often what is most invisible. By saying "vagina" often enough and loud enough in places where it's not suppose to be said, we made the saying of it both political and mystical...

As a student of communication and a lover of books and reading I can't agree with the first sentence more. I mean, I can't agree with the whole piece more, but I'm taking it bit by bit here!

Language is so important and can be interpreted so many ways. Many of us don't learn how our expressions and body language are hurting others, we figure since we've been told to toughen up, so should everyone else (and I am guilty of this.)
The way we talk about things, the words we are and aren't "allowed" to say change the paradigm (gosh I hate that word but it's relevant here) we live in as a collective society. Some choose not to live by the mostly unspoken rules but most stay within the lines. Until someone speaks boldly enough and others start to listen, we are left with dark, quiet, dangerous areas.
Sometimes those bold speakers do better, they bring awareness to causes that before were silenced. Other times we just find ourselves less shocked when we hear curse words out of kids.

In this case I am all for the Vagina Monologues and changing the way a women's most controversial part is talked about. Especially by other women.

I use to be one of those women that claimed to be better at making friends with guys than girls. I said I just didn't understand girls and guys were easier to hang out with. I figured most girls were crazy and manipulative. Here's the deal, sometimes that's true. Other times, not so much. As the years have passed I've started to realize why those guys were sticking around and "being my friend." This isn't a universal rule, I still have some male friends that are actually friends, but for the most part many just wanted access to my naked body.
As these realizations started coming one after the other (I was a late bloomer) I made some incredible friends that were women. Also I had been realizing that the girls I use to hate, the girlfriends of the guys I had liked) were usually pretty cool and then I would forget about the dude and keep the friendship.
I don't think I was ever meant to be a woman hater. I fell from that role and I'm not looking back. Even when I'm SO into a guy and he gets a girlfriend I maybe catch myself saying one bad thing and then trying to find her good qualities. If the guy I liked was even worth anything then the girl is usually rad.

I don't know exactly where I am going with this, but this thought dump has no better place or day than today.

What are your thoughts on other women? Did you have a hard time keeping chick friends in middle and high school? Do you still find yourself hating on other women you don't know?

I think it's heavily conditioned into many groups to women hate with freedom and ferocity that is seen as normal and logical. I still catch myself getting snarky about some random chick I see in a store who I think is doing something wrong. How self important of me, to make that judgement. Let her wear leggings as pants with white underwear showing through... or maybe, discreetly tell her, and if she's rude about it shrug and walk away. But maybe she didn't realize, we've all had those moments where we have a booger in our nose, food in our teeth, toilet paper on our shoe, our dress tucked into our underwear, or a see through dress (usually summer ones from forever 21 that look great indoors and then you step in the sun and HEYYYYY) and while it may be incredibly embarrassing to be told, wouldn't it be better than walking around the rest of the day like that and then realizing it when you get home?

Again, tangent. But main points:
Happy International Women's Day
Let's stop women hate!
Eve Ensler does and says some pretty rad stuff.

xoxo

source

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Twenty-six, it's you and me baby, let's have some great adventures!

xoxo

25 in 26: Year in Review

With hours left before my 26th birthday I decided it was time to come to terms with what was and wasn't accomplished during 25. I'm a little iffy on how I did this year with the goals I had set. I'm not sure they were really thought through, or they were really high or all over the place and life kept happening and excuses, excuses. 

I did manage some of the pieces and for those I am stoked.

For instance while 25 I...

- started and finished my first large tattoo

- finished two blankets

- wrote many letters, even if it wasn't a total of 30. I came really close in the end. 

- stopped the 5 am bedtime and I'm currently working on resetting my internal clock to be an early (or maybe just earlier) riser

- I started applying for grad school!!! 

- I started a meet - up group for toy photography, we have our first meeting this Sunday!!!

- I read SO many books!

-I went on dates (two), with guys that were older than me (not by much but it counts).

- I spent 7 months living in my own apartment. Gloriously retro it was. My cave really. 

- I started taking dance classes and fell in love. Must make enough money to keep with them.

- Dad's side parental unit bought me a DSLR and I'm so, so very lucky. 

- I learned how to use the Rollei and the second roll of film I had developed came out really well, I will be sharing some of them soon.

- I took a class on Holga photography, I'm so stoked I did that. 

- I implemented an exercise routine for the past few months that I'm quite stoked on. Still not always easy to start the work out, but I always (and I do mean always) feel better after.

- I started tutoring and getting involved with education activities. I'm enjoying it a lot and am so excited for what's to come.

Not every expectation was met, some I wasn't even close on, others I had decent intentions but they fell to the wayside when other projects or calamities would surface. Such is life and I'm going to let myself be okay with what did and didn't happen this past year.

That being said, this year I intend to live without excuses. (Or live and acknowledge when I am using an excuse and stopping myself from completing something I want.) I will also be constantly looking at the goals and projects that are at the top of my mental list and deciding if they really are important or if something else is.

As mentioned before, I will not be doing a 26 before 27 this year. I have my quarterly goals I am working on instead throughout this year. 

I have so much hope and so much planned for 26! Here goes nothing!

xoxo

52 photos in 52 weeks: Week 9

Week nine, oh week 9... what a week it was. I found myself another place of employment, so now I have two jobs technically crossing off #2 on my first quarter goals. Really, this is not what I had envisioned, funny enough I didn't think I had envisioned anything specific, but this wasn't what I had in mind somehow, anyway. But life gives the basics of what we ask and work for and it's up to us (read: me) to make the best of it and find my place it in or find another place. So that's where I am at. This is not to say that I'm no excited to learn new things and try out where I am at and what I am doing, I am ready to do both. I'm approaching all that is life with a revised attitude as much as I can remembering that things I usually worry about, or things that I fret over end up being either not nearly as bad as I thought they would be OR sometimes, (many times) they end up being a lot of fun. (disclaimer: this is not true with the opposite gender... I'm usually pretty good at being accurate with my dread there.)

But let's get on to the pictures shall we? I had a few favorites from this week, some of which were even on my real camera! I have Palm Springs to thank for that. :)

As you now know, or maybe not, you might be reading my posts out of order, but I am now the proud, proud owner of a Canon Rebel and I'm so very excited about what that's going to mean for this 52 photos project! So excited.

Until I have more I'll share the couple I've taken a liking to when I first tried out the camera, of course they are of my favorite subjects... my kitten and pup. <3

I look forward to the next few weeks of photo taking more than you know!!!

xoxo

This Week

What a doozy this week has been. As you know I generally don't recap here but so much went on and I found myself with a longer than normal 52 photos post so I decided to break them up. Separate! 

This week I landed myself a second job, started training on that new job, took on extra hours at my tutoring job, read a few books (I think 3), took a really mini vacation to Palm Springs , judged an Odyssey of the Mind competition, had my birthday dinner with Dad's side parentals, had my first full day at the new job, went to family dinner (at dad's house) and worked out three times. (You don't have to be proud or amazed, I'm proud of myself.)

Phew. While this might be a week of the ordinary to you readers, to me it was a shift from snail pace to jack rabbit. I know I'll get back in the swing of things here real soon, but I would be lying if I said my body doesn't hurt a tad (well, basically just the knees and feet.) I haven't worked an 8 hour standing shift in I don't even know how long. But getting to know new people is generally good in my book and I spent all day trying to learn new things in all different areas. 

Palm Springs, let's talk about that bunch of awesomeness. There is something about Palm Springs, it has such a special place in my heart. I don't know if it just reminds me of really fun, happy times in my life or what, but I really enjoy going there. I didn't stay long this time but I breathed in my favorite parts none the less. What are those? The horizon of mountains and really tall palm trees and the morning air. 

I was there to be a judge for the Odyssey of the Mind regional tournament and I had so much fun. I went up Friday afternoon, unfortunately a tad later than I wanted to. I wanted to see the sunset IN Palm Springs but I ran a bit behind with traffic and what no so I experienced the sunset as I drove through windy roads. I arrived at a Motel 6 and I'm going to be real honest, I'm not going to stay at one of those again. It wasn't horrible but there is a Travelodge right next door (and an Ace Hotel on the other side) that is quite a bit better for not much more money. 

So, I arrived at the hotel, then went to the Ace for some photobooth pictures, then went to Ralph's for my dinner and then went back to the hotel to read. Mostly peaceful night. Went to bed far too late, around 12 if not a tad later) and slept incredibly fitfully until 5:45 am. A wonderful patron at the luxurious Motel 6 decided to honk at his lagging companion not once, but a few times at 6 am. How sweet. I put on my face and brushed my hair, packed up all of my belongings and headed to a cute little coffee shop I had seen the night before. It was cute AND the coffee was good so I was stoked. The it was time to go off to the school. I was way more awake than I expected to be and my upbeat attitude lasted all the way until the end. The kids were all creative with their skits and the balsa wood structures were quite impressive.  

I would tell you more about it but there are still a couple more competitions and so I'll refrain. I did befriend all of the other judges in my team but I especially became friends (for the day as no one has the other's number and we all live semi far from each other) with two lovely ladies. We ate lunch together, talked vegetarianism, books and all other stuff that I just love to talk about. Seriously fantastic day. 

delicious mocha and the high school

hastily stacked chairs and riddles for in between presentations (a random kid wrote the 7's one and he left before giving us the answer... still don't know it)

And it wasn't even over yet. 

After I left the school I headed back toward home. I went a different way than I had come out there so I could stop, once again, by the dinosaurs. That's all I call them, just dinosaurs. I remember when I was young going to see those things and I love seeing them now. So I stopped there for some Holga shots and then proceeded toward home to meet up with the Dad's side parental unit for my birthday dinner. Yes, I know it was a tad early, considering my birthday is Wednesday, but it works and I was excited for it.

We went to sushi at Loveboat in San Marcos... and they had them sing me their birthday song. If you've never been I'll explain, it's just JUST the waiters singing to you, at Loveboat they turn off the normal lights, hit the blinking strobe-ish lights, put on silly hats, extra large glasses and mohawk wigs and all sing happy birthday to you... oh yes, and they give you a birthday cake hat. It's not something for anybody prone to seizures, but it's great and totally blush worthy for anyone else. 

the hat... and me wearing the hat with Dad and Cindy. My dad and I have the same nose and eyes... well, and chins and smile curves... yeah, dominant genes there. 

And then we went back home and I started playing with my birthday present...

That's right folks, I am the proud, oh so proud owner of a Canon Rebel. It's so beautiful and I'm just starting to learn the very basics of new things I can do on it compared to my point and shoot and oh me oh my it's a gem.

I am a very lucky girl. 

So get ready for me learning my way around this beaut!

AHHHHHHHH So stoked!!!

xoxo