but we will stay

I really haven't been around lately except for planned/scheduled/whatever posts. I don't really know why. I mean, I do... but it's not something that has an easy answer.

I am not all that inspired lately with posts. Not that I don't want to write things, oh I do, I just really don't have anything that I think is fancy enough to say or show. Like this picture... eh. But I was really cold and bundling myself up to my mouth earlier and decided I'd document it for your viewing pleasure anyway. 

I mean, that's part of what blogging is about right? Real life?

So this is my life, I went to the doctor today to get a new prescription for my anti anxiety and depression medication. I'm already on a low dosage but I'm not sure this is the right time to come off of them completely. I feel great for the most part, even though I'm totally uninspired by my life right now... but I don't feel hopeless. I don't feel like there's no reason to try or move, and I don't fall into the lows that I did that one winter. 

But that's not the point of my story...

I went into the doc's office and was met by this young, and I mean really young, looking guy who needed to take my height weight... and body fat information. There were no pinching devices thankfully, but still. I don't care that much about my weight, I more care about if I seem healthy or not. If I was 150 on the scale (at a measly 5' 4.5", yes Bambi, I know I told you 5' 5", turns out that's untrue :( ) but had a body fat % of 17 then I wouldn't care. At all. 

That is not the case. 

This is not a rant about how I feel fat or anything lalala. If you look at me you wouldn't guess that I was in a slightly unhealthy BMI and fat percentage. But I do. And I'm not happy about it. I guess it's really time to start exercising and eating better.

Which is another thing that has been on my mind. I have been craving meat like CRAZY lately. Not out of nowhere, so that's good, but if mom is cooking turkey bacon or I see a huge turkey in front of me (thanksgiving) or someone is having carne asada I just about die. My stomach growls, my mouth waters and I have to fight myself to keep from eating it. 

This was not how it use to be. I use to be just fine around meat. I wasn't sickened by it but I wasn't tempted either. 

I am very tempted now.

So I have to go over my ideas and reasons for being vegetarian and see if meat is going to come back into my life. If so I'm starting slow and keeping it very limited. Lean fish, organic chicken... if I could find a farm close by I'd try and buy it there... and definitely bacon every once in a long while. While the thought of strips of carne asada make me want to die (in a longing way, not in an eww gross way) I don't know if I'm going to go back to red meat. 

I guess something things have been going on here. At least in my head.

Honestly, my life isn't boring, I just don't take enough picture OR don't want to hook my phone/camera up to my computer most nights. I rather catch up on Bones or Gossip Girl, pin on pinterest, organize my pin boards or search random words on tumblr to find more images to pin. 

Oh yeah, or read. 

So now you know...

xoxo