Unraveling 2013: Settling Up With the Past

This year was a tough one at times, and a fun one at others. This year I accomplished some goals that I didn't think I could, cut some things out of my life that needed to go, and gained some perspective that I will rely on for the rest of my life. 

When I try to think of what happened this year, not too many big things come to mind. I didn't land a new career job making bajillions (or even just thousands), I didn't find myself in a sordid love affair (though I did have some small frustrations with males), I didn't travel to a new corner of the world or speak in a different language... 

But things did happen. When I dig, and look back, and see where I was at the beginning of the year, and then look back and see where I was six months ago, I do realize that things have changed for the better, and I've made some progress in areas of my life that never saw this kind of progress before.

I'm doing all these little things that seemed so impossible at the beginning of the year and here I am. And now that I'm here there are new things to stress about, but there is also a lot of understanding, a lot of acceptance, a lot more picking and choosing, curating if you will... because that's what keeps me running smoothly.

I feel like at this time last year I was a mass of different colored yarn that had been thrown around, knotted and messy. Now I feel like many of the knots have come undone and the process has been tedious at times and challenging but fun at others. I feel like now the yarn is in it's own bundles, maybe with a few knots to undo but ready to be weaved together.

I'm looking forward to using what I've learned in 2012. I'm ready to start with this new foundation of knowledge about myself and other people, some new perspective that I've gained. I'm ready to think bigger and try harder and learn over and over again that being a beginner is just fine. That progress can be a slow process and not everything comes to us immediately. 2012 has been the greatest example of that. 

For 2013 I decided to go through a little workbook to organize my thoughts on what I wanted. I found this one here and started getting a lot out of it from the first page.

It starts with a look back, so that's what I'm going to do here. Tomorrow I will look forward!

-word of 2012: Strive...
I didn't stick with it because I didn't feel I had a base to strive from.

- embraced: my emotions, my place in life, who I am, what I'm good at and what I need to work on
- let go of: medication for anxiety, a tendency to make a dude perfect in my mind because I want one around
-discovered: a new sense of confidence in many different aspects of my personality and what I have to offer
-grateful for: so many things, getting out of the latest time of sadness... having money to feed myself AND get a place to live. My health, my ability to buy things I want even if I shouldn't. My jobs.

Achievements:
- worked through Spirit Junkie, The Fire Starter Sessions and 168 Hours
- took myself off of anxiety/depression medication and haven't looked back
- saved and moved out
- haven't used credit card in 10 months
- landed four jobs... three of which I kept
- started a quilt and learned how to use my sewing machine
- switched the blog over to www.butwewillstay.come and did a little design work on it
- completed 52 photos in 52 weeks
- was accepted to NAU to get a teaching degree in English

Challenges:
- motivation to keep exercising
- motivation to buy food at the grocery store and eat at home
- stepping away from the phrase "I can't"
- being single... still...

What do I want to say goodbye to:
I want to say goodbye to not trusting my gut, to thinking I can't do something, to thinking I'm not pretty, funny, sexy, interesting, smart, crafty or any-other-desirable-trait enough. I want to say goodbye to "I can't" and use either "I'm having trouble with" or "I won't." I want to say goodbye to wasting time doing absolutely nothing when I want to be doing something. I am saying goodbye to people that aren't worth it, those that don't inspire me or care about me in the way that I need them to. I am saying goodbye to copious amounts of drama and worrying about things I can't change. I am working on saying goodbye to taking things personally.

With all that being said and done it's time to bring in the new year!!! 

xoxo