After reading a post by Brandi over at Not Your Average Ordinary I thought I might share some thoughts of my own.
The subject: intimidating women
I am not a heartbreaker (that I know of), I don't find myself to be drop dead gorgeous, and up until recently I didn't think myself to be much smarter than the masses. Many have told me otherwise since I was born (first parents and then those who didn't have the first baby stars in their eyes...) but my own brain, often the perfectionist enemy, wouldn't listen.
I, like many other women before me, have found myself change slightly (or exponentially) when interested in certain guys or even certain friendships with other women. I've grown quieter with some, louder with others... I've tried to censor what I talked about, I've tried to keep out certain parts of my life and it's always left me feeling exhausted and frustrated.
I found early on, well, maybe in high school, that when I changed who I was, what I liked or what I thought for other people, my motivation to do things and enjoy life would diminish. Soon I stopped apologizing for who I was, what I liked, and what I wanted to do.
Soon I found myself wondering: Why would I tone down who I am? Why would I soften my shine?
I, like many other women before me, have found myself change slightly (or exponentially) when interested in certain guys or even certain friendships with other women. I've grown quieter with some, louder with others... I've tried to censor what I talked about, I've tried to keep out certain parts of my life and it's always left me feeling exhausted and frustrated.
I found early on, well, maybe in high school, that when I changed who I was, what I liked or what I thought for other people, my motivation to do things and enjoy life would diminish. Soon I stopped apologizing for who I was, what I liked, and what I wanted to do.
Soon I found myself wondering: Why would I tone down who I am? Why would I soften my shine?
If someone finds me to be intimidating and can't get past the intimidation to get to know me then it's not meant to be anyway.
Yes it's frustrating to constantly feels like I am scaring guys away. To not know if they disappear because they want someone dumber, less enthusiastic or less expressive. But it's even more frustrating to dumb it down and then eventually let it out and still have the person walk away.
When I try to dumb it down, when I leave things out or hide parts of who I am I feel like crap. I feel like I'm only showing part of who I am and that I'm telling a lie. I have learned time and time again that starting out a relationship hiding things isn't going to work for me.
So here it is:
I will not dumb down my enthusiasm, my mouth, my occasional vulgarity, my willingness to be silly or my wants in life just to keep a person around. It’s surprising to me how many people stick around (some of which even fight to stay in my life) and so I figure I’m doing something right at least part of the time. I will apologize when I have offended someone or have done something wrong, but change who I am or dull it down? Where’s the fun in that.
I feel like dulling my shine is like giving someone almost in season berries when I could be serving them, in season, bursting with flavor fruits. No one would order the dulled version of their perfect food... The person (or persons... who knows in this life) that I am suppose to be with are attracted to my qualities already, they aren't looking for some half baked me, just like I'm not looking for a dulled down, less passionate, contained them.
While my passion, my excitement, my facial expressions, my intelligence, perceived beauty, hair color or tattoos might intimidate or scare people off, they also draw other people closer. Someone out there will love my enthusiasm and may even have a boat load of his own, and we’ll mutually intimidate each other and giggle about it for years to come.
Ladies (and gents) have you found yourself dulling down what you are, what you do, what you like etc so as not to intimidate someone you want to be friends (or more) with?
So here it is:
I will not dumb down my enthusiasm, my mouth, my occasional vulgarity, my willingness to be silly or my wants in life just to keep a person around. It’s surprising to me how many people stick around (some of which even fight to stay in my life) and so I figure I’m doing something right at least part of the time. I will apologize when I have offended someone or have done something wrong, but change who I am or dull it down? Where’s the fun in that.
I feel like dulling my shine is like giving someone almost in season berries when I could be serving them, in season, bursting with flavor fruits. No one would order the dulled version of their perfect food... The person (or persons... who knows in this life) that I am suppose to be with are attracted to my qualities already, they aren't looking for some half baked me, just like I'm not looking for a dulled down, less passionate, contained them.
While my passion, my excitement, my facial expressions, my intelligence, perceived beauty, hair color or tattoos might intimidate or scare people off, they also draw other people closer. Someone out there will love my enthusiasm and may even have a boat load of his own, and we’ll mutually intimidate each other and giggle about it for years to come.
Ladies (and gents) have you found yourself dulling down what you are, what you do, what you like etc so as not to intimidate someone you want to be friends (or more) with?
xoxo
I'm so glad you wrote this. And I'm so glad you don't hide your awesomeness. You, my dear, are the type that shines, the type that is colorful, that is vibrant, that is alive. If you intimidate people, I suspect it's because they admire your freedom and openness and vibrancy. And sometimes they might be jealous. And some may not be able to handle that. But that makes finding the people who get you and are like you so much more exciting, I think.
ReplyDeleteThank you Brandi, I'm working on being who I am and not who I think people want me to be. It's a learning process. But I will continue to be who I am even if it scares some. Or even if the people who I thought liked me for who I was go away.
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