On Feeling Beautiful

There's truth to what they say, that later years bring more confidence and self assurance. Added days and years bring more self acceptance and appreciation. For the first time ever, in my life, I can say that when I look in a mirror, no matter if it's a happy or sad day, I will like what I see at least 80% of the time. 

Maybe I've learned to do my makeup perfectly or my face has matured to the perfect (to my eye) shape or maybe the anxiety and depression pills are working (at least in this facet of my depression/anxiety).  Or maybe I'm starting to appreciate myself as a whole. I'm starting to let myself see the good and dull down my harsh thoughts about the "bad." 

I've always been afraid of seeming vain when looking in mirrors,  if someone catches me I immediately look at something different. I don't primp (knowingly*) in public, I'm REALLY embarrassed when caught taking a picture of myself, and I don't know what to say when people are adamant about their compliments. I say thank you, I don't disagree, I don't push off their compliment, I may make a funny, self depreciating remark but they are most often (now) to make people laugh and feel comfortable, but I don't EVER say (or think) anything like "I know, duh." 

This post feels vain and sometimes blogging feels vain and wanting to look pretty feels silly sometimes but I have to say, when I feel pretty I live better, I talk more confidently to people, I don't fuss with myself as much, I am outgoing and fun and lively and I am more productive.

I recently was seeing a dude and while it was very mildly off and on for about a month I finally became fed up with his timing and lack of attention and so I called it all off. I found out recently, from his friends that still talk to me, that 1) They have told him several times that he's quite dumb for treating me as one of many (my words, not theirs) 2) He went back to the female that cheated on him, with one of his best friends, and, here's the best part... they all work at the same place. Yup, went back to that excellent choice. Instead of me.

Now, I know I am not perfect, but I did not give that boy any trouble, I'm not high maintenance, and I really don't ask for more than making me the #1 female in your life (besides moms and grandmas and such obviously) if you plan on sleeping with me, ever. That might mean occasional dates (they don't have to be every time we are together), texts at random, coming to an event that means something to me, paying attention to my interests, etc. If that seems like a lot to a guy, they are not the right one for me. 

The best part of this confidence and acceptance is knowing that I deserve to be treated very well. I deserve to be appreciated for my mind and my looks. I deserve to be adored. Why? Because if I bring someone into my life, and home and kiss them and am affectionate (do what lovers do), that means the person is going to be treated like royalty. No holds barred, I am a doting lover (and friend for that matter). I now realize that in order for someone to get that they have to show that they deserve it. 

Before, when I was feeling ugly and stupid (yes I have sincerely felt that I was both), and for a long time I didn't expect people to look at me for any kind of relationship. I didn't understand why people wanted me to stay in their lives or why they would say I was pretty. I didn't understand why people called me smart because I knew of many things I did not understand or know and so I couldn't possibly be any sort of intelligent. I was modest to the point of emotionally abusing myself. That had to stop. 

If a little bit of vanity brings me to a better place, makes me more willing to try things I've always wanted to try, makes me talk to people I want to get to know, makes me try and create new things then goodness, I'm all for it. 

One last note before my ramble is over: I just read this article (found link at Sometimes Sweet) and thought it went really well with the last book I read, Reviving Ophelia. The article talks about how we should put an emphasis on mind and brains when talking to little girls instead of the knee jerk reaction of telling them how pretty/cute/lovely they look. While I agree that encouraging them to read you their favorite story or tell you about things they like or don't like and why, I do also think it is important to keep telling them they are pretty/lovely/beautiful too. I have at least 2 reasons for this, but 2 is all I have put together in my mind thus far and here they are: 

1) Every girl/lady/woman should have the experience of having another woman tell her she is beautiful. Even if it's mostly when she's little. While I understand that only telling her that will make her think it is the only thing that is important, not telling her at all won't give her a balance when little girls in early school grades (onto forever) try pick her apart. And they might, they'll find something. I was told from a young age that I was both smart and pretty, but junior high rolled around and while the idea that I was smart stayed (sometimes), the idea that I might be pretty left. Kids are harsh whether they mean to be or not and growing up redhead and pale meant a lot of comments which may not have been negative but definitely emphasized that I was different and at that age, different often feels bad.

2) Girls need to hear that they are pretty/lovely/beautiful by people who aren't trying to get in their pants. While good intentions are in the smarts talk, it has to be said that boys will say and do anything to get a girl to show him hers. Not only show him it, but let him do things with it. Young boys, again whether it is intentional or not, often hurt girls/ladies/women when they tell their woman that she is pretty/lovely/beautiful and then leave, or cheat or move on, or not call back, or not text. Girls (females) need to hear that they are pretty from someone more constant than a male other than their dad/brother etc. They need to not be bowled over by gratitude when the first guy tells them they are pretty. They should be able to think, goodness that was awesome that a guy finally was able to get the guts to tell me what I already know.

It's funny, earlier when I opened up blogger I thought I had nothing to say. Now it's hard to stop but I'm tired and I'll start my girls are mostly better than boys shpiel and I don't know when I would stop... so until something else throws me into a fit of typing, I'll ask:

what are your thoughts on feeling beautiful? what about your thoughts on the article? 

xoxo

*unknowing acts of primping may be running hands through hair, checking to make sure the zipper is up, straightening my shirt, putting on chapstick or lipgloss