Last year I did a 26 things about me post for my birthday. This year I don't have 27 new things, but I have some points to hit on. Some serious, some just random. Fitting for the mood of this new year. Maybe next year I will find 28 new things to write about, maybe I'll even have 28 experiences in my 27th year... a girl can dream. But until then, here's what's going on now.
- I have always loved to read, always will. My interests have shifted slightly over the last two years though. I can't seem to get enough self improvement in. I use to read fiction and fiction alone... but now I default to stories of people's lives and how they improved them and what I guess you could call how to manuals.
- Sometimes I like spelling out numbers.
- I shoot guns, my aim is decent, I'm getting better with every visit to the range.
- I don't ever want to have to point a gun at somebody, I do want to be an excellent shot. Yay paper targets!
- I have a hard time being bad at anything. I also have a hard time just doing something for fun, if I can improve at it, I will try to, and then if I don't improve fast enough I will default to frustration... I'm working on it.
- I have left over anxiety about things with wheels that don't also have seatbelts and/or rollbars. By this I mean rollerblades and bikes.
- I wax and wane between liking and loathing myself. I'm so grateful for the friends I have. No matter how low I am, they won't be talked out of liking me. It honestly blows my mind. And I'm learning to say thank you instead of understanding it.
- feeling a little raw around the edges due to circumstances all in a row. I will get through this, sometimes I just feel like I'm in survival mode, one foot in front of the other, one minute at a time.
- I'm often hesitant to put too much positivity into the world, it feels like when I do that lately I jinx it, and then something else not so great happens. It's very similar to how I never use to write about a guy if we were starting to talk or things seemed decent... because as soon as I did it would go south.
- I'm learning that my superstitions... like the one above... may have been coincidences, not rules. I've started writing about these interests regardless, and while the current adventure hasn't been flawless, it also hasn't hit a dead end.
- At the dawn of 27 I'm feeling a little stuck. A bit like I'm out of ideas. My previous methods of coping have been outed as unhealthy and just not helpful... like picking up and moving when things start getting tough and I start feeling sad. If I were to think of this in a positive way (which I am attempting as much as possible these days) I would say that this is going to make way for something new... a new way of handling stress, a new way of handling sadness... or maybe just a way of handling it... nothing new, because before I wasn't handling it so much as putting it off for later. But now it's later and temporary solutions are no longer what I seek.
Here, at the dawn of twenty seven, I am learning how to allow myself to dream. Big dreams, small dreams, pipe dreams even. Dreams that can turn into goals, and then be sought after. Or dreams that just need a little bit of savings to make reality.
I want to be better than I was yesterday, last month, and last year. I want to be just a little bit healthier, a little bit happier, and a little more positive.
Minute by minute, hour by hour, week by week, month by month until we see twenty eight.
xoxo
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