the thing about mirrors

Mirrors are a funny thing, and I'm not just talking about the ones made of glass, I'm talking about anything you find yourself reflected in... glass, water, security camera at a store, shiny door knob, or even someone else's actions.
Each mirror shows you something a little different, each one takes the light and reflects it back differently. Sometimes our shape is distorted, sometimes we wish the image was distorted but it's quite true to reality... sometimes we are surprised with what we see and sometimes (all the time) what we see is altered quickly in our minds before it can reach our conscious thought.

I was thinking about this today, when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the way to the bathroom, not bad, I thought, surprisingly not bad. And then later, when I looked up to see a security camera view of me glaring back, bags under the eyes deep... ew. And then not thirty minutes later walking up the stairs in my dad's house, looking straight into the enormous mirror that is at the landing... again, pleasantly surprised, especially after seeing the mess that was the security camera view.

Despite the fact that I didn't always like how I looked, I have secretly always liked mirrors. I'm not sure what it is about them. Maybe it's the way it reflects a part of reality to me, because when I'm not looking in a mirror I have very little clue of what I look like. The concept, the picture of what my face might look like escapes me as soon as I lose sight of a reflection. I go on what people mirror back. But that's not always safe. What people mirror back to you, about you, is often twisted and turned around by their thoughts, if they know you then those things affect the reflection, if they don't know you then what's going on in their life affects the reflection.

Is that why so many people are into taking selfies now. Ha, the word selfie is ridiculous, but the thought is serious. What got us caught up in taking pictures of ourselves in mirrors? What got us taking pictures of ourselves with our cameras and phones? What made it necessary for phones to have a camera on the front and the back?! Am I in the majority of people who just keep forgetting how they look and so they need reminders? Do we need them as proof on the days where our hair just isn't sitting right or the laundry isn't done so it's baggy butt jeans and a shirt that just isn't right?

I think these kinds of things can be easily mistaken for vanity. Taking pictures of oneself and posting it to the web. But is it really? Is it just a search for attention? Not desperate, but just a little pick me up. A yeah, you do look good in that picture girl. Go you. I really don't know. Some people make money off of their face, and that's awesome. But are they sitting there thinking their face is great or are they questioning it just like the rest of us? 

I don't think I'm going anywhere special with this. Just a thought process I had that needed to get out. Something about reality and how we can be so far from it when we are trapped in our own mind. Or how far I can be from how things really look when trapped in mine. I forget how I look on the outside, how others might find this shell pretty or nice to look at because I am constantly in the trenches of my mind dealing with the not so pretty, the not so aesthetically pleasing. I'm not saying I'm ugly on the inside, I'm just saying it's messy, and feels nothing like my reflection looks. Do most people operate from deeper inside their head? Do they have an idea of what they look like? Do they ever lose that image?

I'm trying hard to remember reflections, and when they are from other people, not to get too caught up in them. Take it, process, move on.

xoxo