Something to Remember: Do Something That Scares You

Yesterday found me at the fair with a group of friends from work. While I love the fair and have many pictures, this post isn't going to be about that. It's about one specific thing that I did at the fair, something I have been meaning to do for years. A cross off the bucket list if you will.

Yesterday I bungee jumped, and I'm am so much happier than I ever could have imagined, that I did.

I didn't think it would be anything more than a roller coaster ride, that it would be scary, but something I could totally handle. And for the most part I did. But it didn't go like I imagined.

There were a couple times throughout the day when I was given opportunities to chicken out, times where I could have done things that would have made jumping a bad idea, like eating fair food. I didn't do these things, I was tempted, but I didn't. Eyes on the prize.

I want to say that I wasn't scared, that I wasn't ready to chicken out, but I was. Totally. I was aggravated because I wanted to get it done and over with early in the day but things kept happening and people kept wanting to go all over the place (such is the case when you have 8+ people in your group) and I hadn't eaten for a while so I was DEFINITELY in a grumpy mood when I finally walked up to the table to sign my life away on those papers.

I signed up, a guy put a wristband on, then I got on a scale and a number was written on my hand. At this point my grumpiness dissolved... Thoughts of what the heck was I doing?! and Well, money is paid, can't back out now, replaced it.

One of the lovely ladies from the group and I walked back to our chairs, I took this picture of someone else going up in the little cage, I started getting hyper, but scared hyper, we were told to put our phones away and tuck everything in our bags, take off our shoes and put the harness on like a pair of shorts. We then got the ankle straps and were moved along in the line.
Pretty soon we were standing on numbers marked in tape on the boarding rugs... then we were watching other people do their jump.
I was dancing to the music playing because my nervous energy needed to go somewhere, my companion in lunacy was laughing and saying she couldn't breathe.

Then it was time for us to go up in the cage. I was the last to jump. This means I got to ride in that cart up and down twice, I got to see the height TWICE before it was my turn to step outside the little door.

My partner in crime went, it took her a second, she's done it 3 times and still, she had to take a second. But she went, screaming and laughing.

I stayed calm, I may have even flirted with the guy taking us up... okay, so I did. He was cute and I needed a distraction. He seemed more than slightly bored when we first went up, but sometimes I can warm people up, and I think I made it a little less monotonous for him, maybe even for a second.
Back we go down to the ground.

Time for me to get my bungee connected, time for me to say hi to the person taking the video, time for us to head back to the top. I feel the nerves again while typing this, I am back there.

We get to the desired height, I step outside of the little door and I freak. Not outwardly, I don't know how to freak out outwardly unless really mad, but inwardly the survival part of my brain turned on so fast. I held on tight to the handles and as he said one two three my brain said no way. I told him we had to count again... he said look ahead, look at the flag at the top of the other building, so I did, and on three (maybe a silent 4) I let go, and fell, arms wide.

The first second was my eyes closed, the second was me screaming. It's what I've always done when I feel stomach drops like those on roller coasters. It releases something. I also laugh. I might have gotten that part from my dad.

After the bounces up and down, after grabbing on to the rope by my feet, after being caught by the strong man on the ground and sat down in a chair, I looked dazed. They even said so. I was. There was no explaining the different feelings going through not only my mind and my body. Exhilaration definitely, gratitude for coming out alive, absolutely... wonder, no doubt. I was still shaking a little as I went to put my shoes back on. I was still dazed, still not sure what I was feeling.

Eventually I managed to get my shoes back on and join my friends.

Now that I've done it I totally understand my friend's nerves. It's not something you get use to. I don't know how you could ever get use to looking down a hundred feet or more, and let yourself fall, without having the lizard brain have something to say. Was it worth it? More than I ever thought.

I learned, again, maybe more so than ever before, why it's so important to do things that scare you. I felt so many things, so many things I wanted to feel. I watched myself, I saw my reactions, I saw myself trying to talk my way out of it, I saw my body's last ditch attempt to get me back on the ground the reasonable way (a spurt of nausea)... and after all of this I felt glee, uncontrolled giddiness, excitement and shock even. Lizard brain probably had a part in the daze afterward, the "oh my gosh, we survived that" was there.

Terrifying. Exhilirating. Worth it.

That's what it is to do something that scares you. That's what it is to me anyway. Terrifying, grumpiness inducing, excuse producing anxiety. But excitement too. Up until the very last second my brain was trying to talk me out of it, but where would that have gotten me? On the ground, feeling the same, if not disappointed. Yes, the whiplash could have hurt (but it didn't), something could have happened (but it didn't), I could have asked to be taken back down (but I didn't) and I'm left with one frickin awesome memory.

I want to remember this when facing anything that scares me. I want to remember when I'm on the outside of the gate, and the count begins, I want to remember that fear might try to hold me back, but that's when it's time to push forward. Do something that scares me. And it doesn't have to be jumping from heights with a large rubber band holding me, it doesn't have to be skydiving or moving to a different country, it can be small too, it can be talking to that stranger, or taking the picture that will have people staring for a second because I'm in their way, or applying for a new job. It can be big or small, but if it scares me, there's something to explore.

I'm not sure if I can find something to scare myself with every day, but I'm going to make it a priority to do something that scares me far more frequently. The benefits are just undeniable.

Every time I think of that point, standing on the outside, eyes pointed at the flag at the top of a far building, night sky dark but highlighted with fair lights, I feel alive. I can't wait to create more memories like that.

xoxo