Onward and Upward

Onward and Upward is a series where I explore my thoughts, wishes, dreams and other things. It's a little bit of introspection and a lot a bit goal sharing. Sometimes I will find questions from another blog post, sometimes from books... feel free to join me in answering the questions or even leave some that have helped you figure out your best day to day life.  

The prompts today are from a blog post over at The Happiness Project, I just finished Happier at Home and felt very inspired (I feel like that word is overused, I need a new one). The post is about knowing yourself better, I found these questions relatively easy to answer, so maybe I'm getting closer. 

If something is forbidden, do you want it less or more?
It depends on the thing. If I know it will not be good for me, or if there is a really good reason behind it being forbidden, sure. But if the reason seems half hearted or underdeveloped then I will want the thing more.

Is there an area of your life where you feel out of control? Especially in control?
Money. I am not spiraling out of control but it feels elusive and scary to deal with. I want to cry every time I start to make a budget. No, that's not a go-getter response but even when I keep repeating "I can do this, it's okay" to myself I still find I spiral into a funk. One that makes me want to cry or sleep for hours. Just writing this makes me want out of my skin.

Especially in control? Nothing right now. 

If you unexpectedly had a completely free afternoon, what would you do with that time?

Not know what to do probably. Maybe read, I find myself at Barnes and Noble or target when this happens if it's too hot to sit at the beach and read. Must get out of that habit. That's where the loss of control with money comes in. Otherwise, take pictures if I can think of a place. Take a nap...

Are you comfortable or uncomfortable in a disorderly environment?

Uncomfortable.

How much time do you spend looking for things you can’t find?

Not very much, I know where to find the stuff I haven't gotten rid of. It's pretty nice.

Are you motivated by competition?

I am haunted by competition. I get really hard on myself and then lose focus and want to get better. I want to be the best at everything from the beginning, and seeing other people that are better makes me feel frustrated, not inspired. Unless they are on tv or something, then I'm inspired. But if I know them or are in the same room/environment, then I'm easily broken and discouraged by competition and comparison.

Do you find it easier to do things for other people than to do things for yourself?

I feel like answers are easier to find for other people. I feel like the road to success is more easily mapped out, not because they have something I don't, but because my emotions and feelings of inability don't come in.

Do you work constantly? or think you should be working?

Little bit of both. I go through an ebb and flow of working vs not working. I always think I could be doing more.

Do you embrace rules or flout rules?

I am more restrained by rules and perceived authority than I want to be. I need to find a balance between respecting some rules and finding my way around others.

Do you work well under pressure?

No.

What would your perfect day look like?

Time for picture taking, time for inspiration hunting, time for blogging and exercise and reading. Waking up when it's just starting to get light outside and enjoying a healthy breakfast. Doing some writing. Getting out for a walk, getting ready for the day, doing some work. Taking pictures and then having a great dinner with a champion of a man that I will one day call a partner (no prospects yet, still dreaming). 

How much TV do you watch in a week (include computer time spent watching videos, movies, YouTube)?

Maybe an hour.

Are you a morning person or a night person?

Want to be a morning person but I am definitely a night person right now.

What’s more satisfying to you: saving time or saving money?
Saving money should be more satisfying but, usually saving time is.

Do you like to be in the spotlight?

Yes. I like when my pictures are seen and liked, I like when I tell a good story or I dance and people appreciate it. I don't like it when I don't feel prepared, I am not one to make it up on a whim. I'm very choosy though, I want the spotlight at chosen times, celebrity status would not work for me.

Is your life “on hold” in any aspect? Until you finish your thesis, get married, lose weight?

Yes. Until I make more money, until I figure out what I want to do. Until I move out.

What would you do if you had more energy?

Energy is not the problem, my relationship with time is.

If you suddenly had an extra room in your house, what would you do with it?

pole studio, no doubt.

What people and activities energize you? Make you feel depleted?

energize by: dancing, having a good time with friends, taking pictures, making something new, trying something new, traveling, organizing, writing, reading, making a good suggestion to someone

depleted by: cleaning up after others, paying bills, getting ready (for the day or for bed... probably my issues with sleep)

Is it hard for you to get rid of things that you no longer need or want?

Not really. I have a small space with no closet that all of my stuff fits in, if I don't want it it's gone. If I don't need it and have emotional attachment to it, there's more work involved.

Do you get frustrated easily?

One hundred times yes

On a typical night, what time do you go to bed? How many hours of sleep do you get?

1-2am, not enough. Probably around 6 or 7.

If at the end of the year, you had accomplished one thing, what is the one accomplishment that would make the biggest difference to your happiness?

Making enough money to pay all of my bills while having some left over for my projects and adventures in a job that I enjoy with a flexible schedule.

xoxo