My Week Via Cell Phone Pictures (and added anecdotes)

This week has seemed long and short. I guess that's always how it goes though. Sometimes I try to remember what I did yesterday and get it mixed up with the yesterday a week before. Side effect of almost always going to bed when the sun rises? Maybe. 

I think my confusion from days also stems from having Monday off. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I love making Monday a happy day. This Monday was no exception to my happy beginning of the week rule. 

I did some chores, sent out a package to a good friend for her little man (baby boy), stopped by the grocery store, and possibly even did some laundry. OH! I did! 

After the mass amount of chores I picked up Nicole and we stopped at the local 7/11 for free slurpee day! Yeah 7/11!!! There wasn't a huge mob and the machines were working (I saw a picture on instagram of a sad slurpee because some kid had broken the machine earlier) and I hate to admit it, but the slurpee was delicious. I did not make it through the full thing though, I liked it (and the blue tongue effect) but we were going to see a movie, Horrible Bosses, with our friend Bryan (to celebrate his birthday) and I knew I was going to have a dc (diet coke) and some popcorn, possibly even some candy so I had to stop that sugar rush.

The movie was pretty funny, I did laugh out loud and all that good stuff and I don't feel like I wasted my money. Can't ask for much more when you leave a movie theater huh?

After that I dropped off the others, went to the grocery store for veggies, made some stir fry and rice and then settled down to work on a project I've been meaning to do for quite a while now while watching a movie I've been meaning to watch.

I put snaps on the opening to my duvet (that I bought at ikea a while back) and watched The Notorious Bettie Page. While I liked the movie, I felt a little odd about the ending. She was certainly adorable. I would like to read more about her sometime.

I'm not sure what I did Tuesday, probably worked on a current crochet project, read a bit, worked, thought about doing more laundry but didn't get around to it...

Wednesday I hung out with my friend Cameron. We watched part of an old Jeff Goldblum movie titled The Fly. It was horrid and I was hungry so we went to my favorite thai restaurant and then I convinced him to go to Voodoo Doughnuts. (yes, again...)

He looks pretty stoked on that donut yes? I once again bought both the Blazer Blunt and the Ol' Dirty Bastard. He settled with some creme filled one and a Marshall Mathers for his girlfriend.

We went back to his (their) place and chatted about this and that. She's fantastic! We mentioned the baby blogs we read (a lot of the same!!!) and gushed over that while Cameron rolled his eyes. 

 At some point this week, it was Thursday night, yes now I remember, I watched The Notebook while continuing on my current crochet project. I bawled my eyes out just as I expected. Went to bed and read a bit.

Gets me EVERY FRICKIN TIME!

Friday had a bit of excitement... Not the kind I like, but excitement none the less.

I went to he optometrist (finally) to get my eyes checked and a new prescription for contacts and glasses. The office was inside a Lenscrafters. I was running a tad behind and hadn't eaten before I went to my appointment. I also have anxiety attacks in certain medical offices though up until Friday I didn't think eye check ups would spark an attack. Wooo was I wrong! I get to the place and they ask if they can dilate my eyes... I say yes because it's probably been a decade since I last did that. I am not exaggerating in the slightest. At that moment I had a wave of anxiety but I told myself it was fine, they are just opening my eyes and I'll totally be able to drive, etc etc.

Get into the chair and talk to the doc, answer some questions and feel slightly off still but nothing I couldn't breathe through. Then he put the drops in my eyes and everything started going downhill. First, I opened them a bit after the first two drops... it stung like a bee (haha punny) and that sent my already slightly anxious mind into attack. We had to put one more drop in each eye and I held it together for that but then I started feeling the metallic feeling in my nose (tell tale sign in my life), I leaned awkwardly in the chair telling him I need a second, then made my way to the floor because the nausea and cold sweat came about. Yup, on the floor in an eye doc's office. I tried joking (as much as I could) with him which is quite funny considering I'm already on the floor. How normal is this many going to think I am from now on? 

I ask for some water knowing there was very little hope for juice after I started feeling the cold hit me again. (That's the best feeling in the attack, when my body can finally get cold again I know I am coming out of it)

I drink some water and think I am ready so I sit in the chair and he puts the lens changer in front of my face. I get through two options on one eye and need to lie down again.

Long story a tad shorter we used what looked like opera glasses to test my eyes after I recovered from the second (definitely less intense) wave and I somehow got through the appointment but was a tad frustrated none the less.

Who passes out (or comes close) in an eye doctor's office?!?!?! This girl. Eye doctor and the gyno. I wish I was joking. Once a year. I apologize before hand to the doctor now, let them know what might just happen.

Moving on...

I scored some awesome new glasses, that look a LOT like my old ones, just larger lenses. 

Saturday I had a new friend give me a hip hop technique lesson and then we went to the park close to my house for a picnic slash pool party but didn't stay long as we both had other things to do. When I came home Saturday night after the dance lesson and work and such I went to the grocery store again, picked up some cereal and such and a couple of movies. (It's been a movie week!) I watched The Switch  last night and while I understood why it didn't do well at the box office I did fall in love with the kid in the movie. SO adorable!

The best line was in the trailer but oh well. This kid actor is so cute! Such a great character.

Today... oh today...

Today was a lazy day. 

I slept in (suprise!) and then called Nicole to see what she was up to.

We talked possible plans and decided on a movie. We first went to Buffalo Exchange so she could get some cash for her clothes and try on things that just didn't work (both of us did that) and then we headed downtown to one of the best theaters in Portland. I'll be doing a Portland Love post on it this week.

The chairs are love seats (some single recliners), they deliver food you order (that looks positively amazing though I didn't actually try it) to your seat, we found a foot rest and shared a big bowl of popcorn for the price of a small at regular movie theaters. I'm going to stop giving away hints of why it's so amazing and just talk about the movie.

We saw The Trip with Steve Coogan. I like it, was definitely funny but it wasn't really meant to be just a comedy I think. There was a little more to it than that.

While watching the movie I became very hungry (despite all the popcorn) and also inspired to try being better at salad making. I was inspired both by other movie watchers' salads AND all the food shown in the movie. We were so very close to Powells (the big big one) that I couldn't resist and dragged Nicole to go look for a salad cook book.

I didn't find any salad books I wanted but I did find a good vegetarian one with plenty of pictures that I am excited about.

Lastly I came home, put on Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 (two british movies in one day) and worked on the crochet project yet again.

I also ate this... my newest try with fake meat and I must say, it was absolutely delicious. I don't have to miss pulled chicken sandwiches anymore. 

As of now I am sitting on my couch, ready to dive in to my book that I've been meaning to finish all week. 

All in all it's been a great week. I've been incredibly productive (oh yes! Thursday I called the bank that I pay my car payments to so they could send paperwork to the Portland DMV so I can pay them more money to put Oregon plates on my car AND I made my doctors' appointments AND I received my Oregon driver's license) and full of great things.

I'm thinking of my goals for next week which I will share later on.

xoxo

Journal Day! : Prompts from Sometimes Sweet

original post

Danielle over at Sometimes Sweet introduced her new post series a couple of weeks ago and I was immediately interested in her idea. She started a Journal Day and talked about how she use to have her students write for a certain amount of time on J Days, starting with a prompt and going anywhere they wanted with it. I remember doing exactly this in my junior year of High School and loving it. I was very often willing to share my writing, and most often it veered off of the prompt path pretty fast. A memory I hope I never forget, one morning I decided I wanted a smoothie so I started to make it and realized we didn't have any smoothies, frozen or otherwise. I was set on this smoothie so I used strawberry jelly as a substitute. When I went into my English class we immediately started with journals and who knows what the topic originally was but I went with it and then talked about my genius jelly substitution. The boy I had a huge crush on at the time laughed which made my heart soar (it was a good laugh, like he thought I was clever) and it was awesome. 

So, in spirit of those awesome memories, I am going to join in Journal Days. I skipped the first one for now, but the second prompt is below... Join us if you dare! :)

The older we get, the more certain we get about who we are and what our purpose is.  For me, a lot of it is still unknown, but as I make my way down my own path, I have begun to realize that there are indeed some inevitable truths that I know for sure. On your own blog, write a post that talks about "the one thing you know for sure."

I've been thinking about this a whole lot lately. What I know "for sure." I know for sure that things change, that friendships morph either into something stronger bearing any weight that distance or obstacles can bring it and others break with the lightest wear. I know that I should eat healthier and go to bed earlier. But all of those things are pretty universal. 

What I've realized, or re-realized, or extra realized, is that my parents love me. 

It seems so simple. Of course they love you, some would say. And it's not like I actually ever questioned it. Some epiphanies aren't so ground breaking that you see everything in a whole new light. Some take time and space and circumstance and then a tiny little reminder and they come, telling you what you already knew. 

Over the past few months I've started to find my own ground. I moved away for space and peace of mind to figure out how to navigate this life landscape on my own two feet. I needed to hear thoughts that were mine and mine alone, not influenced by others no matter how caring or concerned.

It's been no quick jaunt in the park, I've been working on "finding myself" for years now and every time I think I have a good hold it slips away. But this time, this time, my grip is stronger, and even more sure. I'm learning to love myself for who I am and where I come from. As I learn how to be happy with all that I am I appreciate more and more where I come from and what helped me to be the person I am.

This was the underworking, the slow move toward realization of what I already knew. Then, in the past week I looked at two photos and everything clicked.

I wish I still had the second photo but I only have the first. (mom sent the picture after reading the post!)

I was looking through pictures of my dad and for some reason his tattoo on his left arm caught my eye. I've seen this tattoo for years now and I don't think about it too much but once again I saw part of my name (it is my and my sister's name) and I was like a 5 year old again for a second. "oh! my name! that's myyyyy name." You know, it's very important at that age to find things that are yours. 

So I commented on the picture saying something along the same lines, like "I see my name!" To which Dad replies "that was the idea, who else wears a billboard with your name!"

Touche Dad. Good, no, great point. And that's when it hit me (again). My Dad loves me. It didn't hit me because my name is on his arm, or anything like that. I don't need showy things to understand that he loves me... just that tiny dialogue made it click again. 

A similar click happened a day or two later (possibly before, I am not quite sure) when my little brother (mom's side) sent me a picture from his phone of my picture on my mom's bulletin board. He said that she missed me and loved that picture. 

Now, I've never questioned my mom's (or dad's) love. I've never thought they questioned my existence, never. That's not what this kind of epiphany is about. It just is. It's a feeling that is latent coming to the forefront.

Nothing they could purposely do would bring it forward. It just waits for a day a time, a feeling, a smell and suddenly I'm overwhelmed with something I've always known to be true.

If you ever question it mom and dad, I love you. Please know that I love you as sure as I know that you love me. 

xoxo

Portland Love: Intro and Voodoo Doughnuts

I decided on day while griping about Portland in my little head (ex: oh it's cloudy, when is summer coming, I always eat the same stuff blaaaah) I read a blog post from someone coming to visit this town. Immediately I thought of all of the things they had to try and places they had to see. I then wondered what other places were around Portland that I had yet to try that I would fall in love with. What other gems were hiding from me? My routine had gotten more than stale, maybe even a little moldy with my sour grapes, and so I decided it was time to clean this opinion of Portland up and fall in love all over again.

From now until forever (or when I do move, because while I love Portland I am still looking to try other places... Springfield, MO, Flagstaff, AZ and Nashville, TN I'm looking at you) I will be trying new spots I have (and haven't) heard about from others. I'm going to share my reviews with you and together we'll get a better glimpse of why some people can't imagine living anywhere else.

You in? Great!

First visit on this (cell phone) tour: Voodoo Doughnuts

pink building, pink boxes, perfectly delicious

crazy signs

The delicious merchandise

Voodoo Doughnuts is pretty well known around these parts and others. In fact, when I moved back up here for the second (third, but who's counting) time both of my brothers asked if I had been to Voodoo. I was surprised that either one of them knew what Voodoo was. I mean, if you live in Portland you know what Voodoo is all about but if you don't...

I guess during my years back in San Diego Voodoo had found themselves on a couple of popular tv shows (reality tv) and ever since their lines (while really long before) were always filled with tourists now. 

Right before I left Voodoo Too opened by I had never been inside. When I moved back it was the one I had to go to because the one downtown was closed for remodeling. Thinking about it now, the remodel of the downtown store was very, VERY necessary. This company has grown and their fan base is huge. I guess that's what happens when tv shows find out about your delicious (and totally strange) creations. Now, instead of being this hole in the wall shop, (not even exaggerating, the first Voodoo was the tiniest little thing, could uncomfortable fit maybe 20 people if they were all touching, TINY) they have a corner shop with bigger doors, room for a line (that still doesn't stay in the shop), two registers, two cases and some more room to stand. It's looking really good. I'll always have a spot in my heart for the original shop though, walking there from Dante's (which will be a later post) to grab my favorite donut while passing hungry bums on the street. Or grabbing a donut with friends before driving up to the highest point in Portland and laying in a circle while our voices echoed. Glorious.

Anywho... this visit I decided to not only get the donut I know and love (The Ol' Dirty Bastard), but to branch out and try something new. I settled on the Blazer Blunt. I was not let down.

The donuts I bought are as follows...

Old Dirty Bastard: 

plain donut with chocolate frosting topped with oreo pieces and peanut butter drizzle

Blazer Blunt: 

cone shaped plain donut covered in cinnamon and sugar and the larger end dipped in maple and sprinkles

No Name:

Plain donut, chocolate frosting topped with rice crispies and drizzled in PB

I like to call it ODB's Doppelganger 

Basically it goes without saying that this place gets an A+ in my book and will never let me down. Voodoo is Portland in a shop, strange, quirky, delicious and inviting to all types. 

check them out here:

22 SW 3rd Avenue Portland Oregon

1501 N.E. Davis St. in Portland Oregon

VOODOO DOUGHNUT

I hope you enjoyed this first post in a series of many...

If you know of any places in Portland I HAVE to see let me know!

xoxo

Gratitude and Cell Phone Snapshots

Dear lovely, lovely readers. I thank you for coming back or subscribing to my little blog. It makes me smile so very big when I see I have new comments and new readers! If you've recently discovered me, welcome. If you've been here a bit, thanks for sticking around, you are my added motivation for staying inspired each week.

Speaking of inspiration... I figure every week I'll do a photo dump from the dear old iphone (definitely not old, but very dear). This collections has spanned over more than just the last week but I promise in the future it will be a tad more on a timeline!

Enjoy!

Kitty loves cupcakes

My friend April just got a new kitten... I'm in love.

Went back down into the basement of PSU one day after having lunch with my friend Alysha who I use to take many a classes with. 

Took the time to capture this beauty of a sign!

Rarely have cash on me, sometimes I just like to remember what it feels like. DMV only takes cash... so I had to get some.

My cold buster tea. Green tea, slice of lemon, pinch of salt, tid bit of honey.

Workin in Nicole's little section of the Antique Mall.

Donut shopping. If you must know I ate a blazer blunt there and took a ol dirty bastard and his unnamed almost identical twin (donut with chocolate glaze, rice crispies sprinkled on top and peanut butter drizzle) home with me.

Awesome little bookstore I passed on the way to getting my car checked.

another self portrait, should I have grown out of these mirror ones by now?

baking for a friend's birthday

what use to be

awesome outside, nothin good inside

Fourth with pigtails

you're a high flying flag...

Happy

I found it!

not comfortable but simple.

Now I'm off to sleep. Busy day (and more pictures) tomorrow!

xoxo

On Feeling Beautiful

There's truth to what they say, that later years bring more confidence and self assurance. Added days and years bring more self acceptance and appreciation. For the first time ever, in my life, I can say that when I look in a mirror, no matter if it's a happy or sad day, I will like what I see at least 80% of the time. 

Maybe I've learned to do my makeup perfectly or my face has matured to the perfect (to my eye) shape or maybe the anxiety and depression pills are working (at least in this facet of my depression/anxiety).  Or maybe I'm starting to appreciate myself as a whole. I'm starting to let myself see the good and dull down my harsh thoughts about the "bad." 

I've always been afraid of seeming vain when looking in mirrors,  if someone catches me I immediately look at something different. I don't primp (knowingly*) in public, I'm REALLY embarrassed when caught taking a picture of myself, and I don't know what to say when people are adamant about their compliments. I say thank you, I don't disagree, I don't push off their compliment, I may make a funny, self depreciating remark but they are most often (now) to make people laugh and feel comfortable, but I don't EVER say (or think) anything like "I know, duh." 

This post feels vain and sometimes blogging feels vain and wanting to look pretty feels silly sometimes but I have to say, when I feel pretty I live better, I talk more confidently to people, I don't fuss with myself as much, I am outgoing and fun and lively and I am more productive.

I recently was seeing a dude and while it was very mildly off and on for about a month I finally became fed up with his timing and lack of attention and so I called it all off. I found out recently, from his friends that still talk to me, that 1) They have told him several times that he's quite dumb for treating me as one of many (my words, not theirs) 2) He went back to the female that cheated on him, with one of his best friends, and, here's the best part... they all work at the same place. Yup, went back to that excellent choice. Instead of me.

Now, I know I am not perfect, but I did not give that boy any trouble, I'm not high maintenance, and I really don't ask for more than making me the #1 female in your life (besides moms and grandmas and such obviously) if you plan on sleeping with me, ever. That might mean occasional dates (they don't have to be every time we are together), texts at random, coming to an event that means something to me, paying attention to my interests, etc. If that seems like a lot to a guy, they are not the right one for me. 

The best part of this confidence and acceptance is knowing that I deserve to be treated very well. I deserve to be appreciated for my mind and my looks. I deserve to be adored. Why? Because if I bring someone into my life, and home and kiss them and am affectionate (do what lovers do), that means the person is going to be treated like royalty. No holds barred, I am a doting lover (and friend for that matter). I now realize that in order for someone to get that they have to show that they deserve it. 

Before, when I was feeling ugly and stupid (yes I have sincerely felt that I was both), and for a long time I didn't expect people to look at me for any kind of relationship. I didn't understand why people wanted me to stay in their lives or why they would say I was pretty. I didn't understand why people called me smart because I knew of many things I did not understand or know and so I couldn't possibly be any sort of intelligent. I was modest to the point of emotionally abusing myself. That had to stop. 

If a little bit of vanity brings me to a better place, makes me more willing to try things I've always wanted to try, makes me talk to people I want to get to know, makes me try and create new things then goodness, I'm all for it. 

One last note before my ramble is over: I just read this article (found link at Sometimes Sweet) and thought it went really well with the last book I read, Reviving Ophelia. The article talks about how we should put an emphasis on mind and brains when talking to little girls instead of the knee jerk reaction of telling them how pretty/cute/lovely they look. While I agree that encouraging them to read you their favorite story or tell you about things they like or don't like and why, I do also think it is important to keep telling them they are pretty/lovely/beautiful too. I have at least 2 reasons for this, but 2 is all I have put together in my mind thus far and here they are: 

1) Every girl/lady/woman should have the experience of having another woman tell her she is beautiful. Even if it's mostly when she's little. While I understand that only telling her that will make her think it is the only thing that is important, not telling her at all won't give her a balance when little girls in early school grades (onto forever) try pick her apart. And they might, they'll find something. I was told from a young age that I was both smart and pretty, but junior high rolled around and while the idea that I was smart stayed (sometimes), the idea that I might be pretty left. Kids are harsh whether they mean to be or not and growing up redhead and pale meant a lot of comments which may not have been negative but definitely emphasized that I was different and at that age, different often feels bad.

2) Girls need to hear that they are pretty/lovely/beautiful by people who aren't trying to get in their pants. While good intentions are in the smarts talk, it has to be said that boys will say and do anything to get a girl to show him hers. Not only show him it, but let him do things with it. Young boys, again whether it is intentional or not, often hurt girls/ladies/women when they tell their woman that she is pretty/lovely/beautiful and then leave, or cheat or move on, or not call back, or not text. Girls (females) need to hear that they are pretty from someone more constant than a male other than their dad/brother etc. They need to not be bowled over by gratitude when the first guy tells them they are pretty. They should be able to think, goodness that was awesome that a guy finally was able to get the guts to tell me what I already know.

It's funny, earlier when I opened up blogger I thought I had nothing to say. Now it's hard to stop but I'm tired and I'll start my girls are mostly better than boys shpiel and I don't know when I would stop... so until something else throws me into a fit of typing, I'll ask:

what are your thoughts on feeling beautiful? what about your thoughts on the article? 

xoxo

*unknowing acts of primping may be running hands through hair, checking to make sure the zipper is up, straightening my shirt, putting on chapstick or lipgloss

Good Feelings

I've been looking over my long (and I mean long) to do list (in all fairness it has everything on it, from bucket list goals to quick tasks) I came across one thing tonight that I didn't want to put off any longer.

My to-do:

Write a things-I-love list.

Back when I was reading Sound of Paper one of the activities I put off but definitely had planned on getting back to was listing everything that made me happy. I think when I read that particular entry I was not feeling so happy or appreciative so I didn't want to spoil it for later and try to stay stubborn. Tonight (after a 7 hour nap, finishing a book and watching the newest episode of Pretty Little Liars) I decided to start the list. 

I started and within a very short amount of time I wrote 120 things, after I saved the page I kept thinking of more. Little victories and happies are everywhere. Maybe it's because I'm in a good mood today (despite failing the Oregon written driver's test haha) but I'm really grateful for so many things. 

If you have a second, go check my list out. If you need a reminder to smile, go check my list out! I made a special page for it so I could easily access it and so could anyone else.

Happies here.

What are some things that would be on your list?

xoxo

Books of June

While there were a couple of things I did not like in the series (all toward the end) I overall found The Dark Tower series very intriguing. I'm not interested in SK's scary stories but this epic was definitely worth the time I spent reading it.

While I don't know what business I would start, I did really enjoy this book and plan on keeping it around for the future when I second guess myself or when I need a little advice. I use books as pep talks I am starting to realize and this one is very positive and inspiring.

I am so very glad I took the time to read Floor Sample a while back before I started The Artist's Way or any other book Julia Cameron wrote. I was very skeptical of the whole thing, I've read methods and such but never really believed in any of them but Julia Cameron has definitely inspired me again and again in her memoir as well as this book. There are short essays and after every short essay is something to try to keep inspired or positive or open up new ideas in your head. I definitely would use these when I was needing a grounding point, when I was a tad anxious or didn't know what to write about.  Highly recommended. 

Really funny but not cheesy. Loved this book and I'm thinking of writing my own stories, not to publish necessarily, just to have something to laugh about. A way to process.

Got me excited to see Argentina again. A very fast read. Also made me miss horseback riding.

This book was tough. It wasn't hard to read, the language wasn't out of this world and the ideas weren't uninteresting but for some reason I didn't find myself craving reading time with this one. I finally set myself a page goal for each day so I could finish it before the 1st of July and I'm happy to say that today, June 30th, with about 45 minutes before July, I finished it. Definitely a worthwhile read. Definitely pertains to my concerns about female welfare and hit on some points I have yet to work through with myself. I'm glad I kept with this book. Really glad I didn't put it away for never.

What about you lovelies? What books have you been reading?

I'm at 31 ( and a 1/2) books out of 52! 52 in 52 I'm really working on you! That means I'm about 5 books ahead of schedule! I must, MUST keep this up!

xoxo