Book Report: The Little Prince

Sometime you read something and your heart just connects. Sometimes you read something and for hours you are lost in though, spacey even, figuring out how to adjust to the world as you know it after because it's not the same. It won't ever be quite the same.  

The Little Prince got me. Through and through. I put off reading it for a while, that happens when things are cult classics for me. I get wary and wonder why. But this one I loved, fully and deeply. 

Sometimes things come to you at just the right time. Sometimes you decide to sit in the children's section of Barnes and Noble in a seat that's almost too small and you decide to read. First to preview, and then you can't put it down. It's not such a long story after all. And then you sit there in a slight daze, and you wonder how many people you can tell about this new thing you just discovered, because it needs to be shared. And you hope that others find it as beautiful and you did. But even if they don't, you have to try.

Oh Little Prince. Thank you. I'll take some time to admire the stars and listen to my heart tonight.

xoxo

Required Reading: Summer List

A month or two ago Dani over at Sometimes Sweet posted a Summer Reading list and ever since then I've been meaning to do my own. Then she posted another reading list this week and I was reminded and re-inspired to make mine. 

The problem is, I have so many books to recommend. Fiction, YA Lit, Memoir (ish), Self Improvement... see my dilemma? 

It's okay though, I decided on upbeat* reading since it's summer. Most of these, heck, all of these are easy, quick reads if you want them to be. They can also be nice slow reads, something to savor. Either way I think you might just like them. Here's a little intro for each:

Happier At Home - I've already recommended this here, but it works well for summer too, so I figured I would put it here again. I loved the Happiness Project, love it. Read it twice, got ideas for my life... her second book was full of more ideas. I think we could all benefit from a Happiness Project or two. I haven't embarked on a year long journey like Gretchen but I stay inspired by her none the less.

The Queen of Babble - This book is cute and fun and reminds me of The Shopaholic Series but with a little less anxiety because the main character isn't spending like crazy. A quick read, something for the pool or the beach... or the couch, or a lazy morning in bed.

You Are a Badass - I cannot say enough good things about this book. I recommend it to anyone that is wondering what's next or needs a little (or a lot of) encouragement. I'm on my third reading and I have a feeling I'm going to make a not sheet to look back on. Maybe just open the book randomly on days I have a harder start. I will recommend this book up and down and all around.

The Lucky One - It may just be because I am watching the movie that came from this book but this is one of my favorites by Nicholas Sparks. The Notebook definitely wins top spot, and now that I think about it, Dear John probably comes in second, but this might just be second and a half. If you have seen the movie, know that the book is better. I mean, I don't hate the movie, but the book is definitely better.

An Abundance of Katherines and Paper Towns - I've sang John Green's praises on just about every book of his. I would say read any and all of them. I put these on the summer reading list for a reason though, they are both road trip books and summer is made for road trips. I can't pick which of Green's books are my favorite, both of these, on second read, battled for a top spot with The Fault in Our Stars and Looking For Alaska. So, do yourself a favor, and read ANY of his books. Any of them.

I have a huge stack of books I need to get through before I get another but I'm always taking suggestions, my good reads to read list is almost overwhelming but I can't help but add to it still. So give me some titles, what are you reading?

xoxo

*minus a few parts in The Lucky One, but what do you expect with Nicholas Sparks? 

Book Report: I Am the Messenger

"I love the laughter of this night.

Our footsteps run, and I don't want them to end. I want to run and laugh and feel like this is forever. I want to avoid any awkward moment when the realness of reality sticks its fork into our flesh, leaving us standing there, together. I want to stay here in this moment, and never go to other places, where we don't know what to say or what to do. 

For now, just let us run.

We run straight through the laughter of the night."

I Am the Messenger... where do I start talking about this book. It's not an instant favorite. It was, all the way up until the end. Then there's a twist that I did not like one bit. But the rest of the book was great, there were parts like the one above that I could just live in. The relationship he has with his female best friend, the dog that smells to high heaven with the name of The Doorman, his best friends and their defense mechanisms... all of this book, up until the end had me. And I'll keep it around, with post it notes on certain pages, for certain passages, because they were what I was looking for when I picked this book up.

Do I recommend the book? I do, despite how frustrated I was with the ending, I recommend this book.

I DEFINITELY recommend this author's other book, The Book Thief, (I wrote about it here) that is definitely an all time favorite book of mine.

Do you have books like this, that you connected with until suddenly one thing went wrong and you felt a little less engaged? Do you still recommend them to some people that you think would be okay with what you hated?

xoxo

Book Report: Lean In

I'm going to start this off by saying I really enjoyed this book. I heard about it in passing one day and decided to pick it up. I read through it pretty fast, it is a short read, and was really inspired by what Sheryl Sandberg had to say.

A week or so later I picked up a Real Simple magazine and for some reason decided to read the Editor's note in the beginning. It seems she did not like Sheryl's words of wisdom and decided to have that be the month's message.

This isn't another book about women rising up and beating down men and/or having to be manly to get what they want and where they want in their careers. This book is about working with what the current workforce has to offer but also pushing the culture as well as ourselves as women. It is full of information about what women do differently than men in the workplace, especially higher up in the corporate hierarchy (by the way, it's not a ladder, it's a jungle gym, and going up isn't always the best move) and how we can make more space for ourselves and our needs whether they be time with the family, or even a family. 

The editor of the magazine was saying that maybe we don't all want to be CEOs or COOs or anything that high up, and while I agree that we should be able to go for whatever level we want to go for without criticism, I feel like she may have missed the point in Sheryl's words. I don't think Sheryl is saying that every women needs to be gunning for this top positions, or that they should even want to. When I read the book I got the message that if we should ever want these positions we shouldn't be afraid to go for them, that even if we want a child or a family or anything else that we should keep going instead of stepping out of the game before it even really starts. It's about giving women more room to want these things, both a family and an important/demanding career. I did not see a point in her book where she thought that being a stay at home mom was a bad thing should that be what the woman chooses. In fact there is a lot of talk about competition and judgement in the female world about kids vs no kids, working vs not working and how it's not helping us at all. If we are doing the best we can with what we have, and aren't forgetting ourselves for the sakes of our children I think we'll be doing alright.

Before I go on a long diatribe about mom wars and female on female judging I will just say that this book was awesome and I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to think about their career or the careers of women in general. 

Did you read Lean In? What did you think about it?

xoxo

Book Report: Dash & Lily's Book of Dares

I loved this book. I started reading it while grumpy, but that's probably why I bought it in the first place.  I spent a good hour and a half, possibly two hours walking around Barnes and Noble picking up books, putting them down, going from one section to another then back again. I looked at my Good Reads list and other recommendations and this is the book I came to right at the end. The last grab in my pile of three.

I started reading it grumpy and ended it smiling. This book was what I had been looking for. It's not AS good as my John Green loves, but it's close. It starts in a bookstore, not just any bookstore, but The Strand. Mental note: MUST VISIT THE STRAND. I mean really, how did I visit New York and not visit the best place ever?

Anyway, the story starts in The Strand and it's full of adventure and personality growth...it's a small smidgeon of time in the characters' coming of age adventure. It switches back and forth from their perspectives, you wonder if it's going to work, it makes me want to go out and do things, it doesn't, however, make me want to live in New York.

I have not written about books I've read in the past because I don't want to say what happens.  But I have shared lines or passages and I think I'll do that for this one. There were several that hit, there were several that made me think like I wanted to think. This one is most relevant though, and the context isn't really necessary. It's just life.

I need to keep my mind open for what could happen and not decide that the world is hopeless if what I want to happen doesn't happen. 

I often wonder why I read fiction, especially young adult fiction, I wonder what I am looking for in these books. Why one isn't enough and neither is five or seven or twelve. I think sometimes I am looking for answers, I think many times I'm looking for answers, or even hints. I'll take a glimmer of hope. I'm looking for a to-do list, or maybe just a hint of hope for love, for the wide eyed wonder that teen love is written to be... I'm a sucker for a good love story.

This book didn't have an answer for why I get sad or a reason for why I feel lonely from time to time, but it did make me feel hope, and happy. It made me remember to accept things as they come, and enjoy them, even if they don't happen as I want them to.

It'll stay on the shelves for sure.

xoxo

Book Report: Eleanor & Park

artwork credit

Recently I've been reading a lot of self improvement/self help books. It was getting to where I never had a break from thinking or analyzing. I was craving something but no fiction sounded good. And then I was looking through my bloglovin feed and Dani posted about a summer reading list. Thank goodness. There were three books on her list that I was curious about immediately. This was one of them. I became even more curious when I saw that John Green, possibly my favoritest (it's going to be a word for this post) writer ever, had good things to say about it.

So I bought it. And I didn't necessarily like the description but I read it anyway. Seriously, John Green backed it... I'm in. I'm glad I haven't read anything that has him backing Twilight, I might cry.

Back to the point, I read it, and got lost in it, and definitely liked the book.

Short synopsis, no spoilers: A boy and a girl, strangers at first, first love, music and comics, and then there's a heavy story underneath. There's more than just a hint of reality, of imperfect life in this story.  It's nothing as heavy as The Fault In Our Stars or even Looking for Alaska, but it's close and different heavy, and real, and something I haven't read before. 

It made me miss a part of high school that I didn't even have, or maybe it just made me nostalgic for that kind of love, that kind of affection. Again, not something I had in high school, but it reads well. 

I definitely liked it. I'll take a few months to see if I loved it, to see if I miss the story and need to read it again. It's not unlikely, the story definitely came alive in my head. We'll see.

I'll be reading other books by Rainbow Rowell too, I liked her style. 

Do I recommend this book, yes, definitely. Does it top some of my other YA favorites? No. But it's good, it's worth the read. 

xoxo

the story

found here

I read a book* recently (I'm surprised more of my conversations don't start with that line) about a man who realized his life wasn't that good of a story. It wasn't a bad one, per say, it just wasn't good. It wasn't doing him any favors and nobody would want to watch the thing if it were a movie...
So he did something about it. Less for the movie aspect, and more for the having a life worth living side.
That synopsis doesn't sound nearly as deep as it feels in my head, but we'll get there, stick with me.

So, as I was reading this story I found myself relating to certain parts (as we do when we find what we think is a good story) and almost wanting to cry. This could be because I seem to have a surplus of tears lately, or it could be because what was being said held some weight, some deep and significant relevance to my life.

I picked up the book any time I could, I spent hours in beach parking lots reading by the light of the setting sun... well, maybe two hours, three tops... but you get the point. It was a good scene to read a book with weight and meaning.

I am in this story, and I've created it, I'm suppose to be creating it... or maybe something else is. Something that I refer to as Mother Nature or the Universe or the system and what he refers to as God... is writing this story, and it's not without conflict, and for some reason I expect it to be. For some reason I feel like a lot of us expect this created, blessed life to be without hardship, maybe not those who hit hard and wised up a bit... but some of us hit hard and ran. I'll raise my hand and admit it... hard hit several times and I thought things were suppose to be relatively easy so I ran, thinking the next place might be easier, or the last place, or back to the second place... or back to home again. Nothing was easier. I was still there, plots still have to thicken and the resolve of the main character has to have strength.

I'm in a moment of high conflict in my story right now. And I want to run. But I know I don't have anywhere that I can go for long. And I know that the only way to come out of this better than before is to go through. I'm wincing just thinking about it, but my struggles are really not so bad. When I sit back and think, and compare to other plights, I realize I'm living a pretty basic life.

So maybe I'm not wanting hard or big enough, maybe I'm not working hard or big enough. Maybe I've exhausted the inner work projects and need to find some outer work projects to bring new life to my story. Because right now it's sad, and not pretty. My story is looking on the shabby side and there's no chic involved. My life hurts almost daily, it feels unstable... I often want to take a break from myself. Being sedated sounds like a great option if I wasn't so adverse to drugs, prescribed or not.

But that's not how this goes, that's not how this gets better. If I keep avoiding or running the problem section, the conflict might go away for a bit, but it's not gone, it's just waiting. It's another test and this time it really needs me to get through. Correction, I really need me to get through.

___

It's been a week since I started writing this post and some things have changed. I went to a meeting for Depression and Bipolar which was very insightful, I found a new place to live that is a lot more stable than where I was before, time passed and the hurt of being "given space" to figure out my life lost a bit of it's edge, I went to the shooting range and found a quiet mind for an hour, I went on two interviews and I spent some much needed time with friends. 

To say that I'm out of the woods is a stretch. This month is going to be tough, but I think it's going to be a different kind of tough. I'm hoping it's a tough that means rebuilding instead of falling apart. Sometimes things are still going to seem a little broken, sometimes I'm going to feel sad, but I think I'm on the up for now. There's so much work to be done still, but some of it I will really enjoy, and other parts... well, I'll soldier on through them. 

It's time to be a little more active, time to make some things happen, time to add exciting bits to the storyline. That's when the story starts getting good, when an effort is made. And I'm sitting here, some days just doing everything I can to show up, others doing that and more. 

I don't want to look back years from now and wonder what happened, why I stayed so small. I want my life to be big, and maybe that's what 2013 knew. Maybe what felt like destruction was making room for growth. I can only hope, and continue to live my story. 

xoxo

* A Million Miles in a Thousand Years - Donald Miller

The Books of 2012

  I started out this year telling myself that 52 in 52 wasn't a goal at all. That reading a couple of books a month was a-okay and there was no competition and the focus for the year was going to be pictures not words... I started this year telling myself all of this and what did I go and do? Break my record (of 65) from the year before, by 16 books. I was a reading machine it seems, almost 7 books a month! 

This year I counted second reads as a book, my justification was that it still takes time to read the book even if you have read it before. I allowed some books that were smaller to be counted as well. I didn't limit myself too much, but if I hadn't finished the book it didn't count. 

While I like saying that I read over 80 books this year I find myself lacking a real sense of accomplishment... I have to be honest, I don't immediately remember all of the characters in the books or even the plot line sometimes. 

While this year somehow became about numbers, I want next year to be about enjoyment, retention and knowledge. Next year I am going to be a lot more picky about which books I choose to read, and I am going to make myself more accountable. I may even start a separate blog or notebook to make notes about the books (even the fiction ones) so I retain more of what I read. 

I did manage to read and retain quite a few good ones this year, I've highlighted them in blue and yellow... blue for the ones that blew me away (haha, oh cheesy) and yellow for the also really good.

The mustard yellow books are the ones I find myself disappointed in or unhappy with. 

I will take the best of this year and put them on my bookshelf to share and read again. I will be more critical of what I pick up and choose to read, and I will take notes. I look forward to 2013... it's the year I relearn how to dig in to a good book.

The Books of 2012

The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Perilous Journey – Trenton Lee Stewart

The Help – Katheryn Stockett

Love is the Killer App – Tim Saunders

Small is the New Big – Seth Godin

Sarah’s Key – Tatiana de Rosnay

The Art of Eating In – Cathy Erway

The Buenos Aires Broken Hearts Club – Jessica Morrison

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway – Susan Jeffers Ph.D.

Schooled – Anisha Lakhani

Vision – Beth Elisa Harris (second reading)

Soul Herder – Beth Elisa Harris

The 4- Hour Workweek – Timothy Ferriss

Truth and Beauty – Ann Patchett

Start Something That Matters – Blake Mycoskie

An Abundance of Katherines – John Green

Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later – Francine Pascal

The Bean Trees – Barbara Kingsolver

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey

Looking For Alaska – John Green (TWICE)

Paper Towns – John Green

The 100 Thing Challenge – Dave Bruno

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother – Amy Chua

Insecure at Last – Eve Ensler

Committed – Elizabeth Gilbert

My Name is Memory – Ann Brashares

Pay it Down – Jean Chatzky

Reading Lolita in Tehran – Azar Nafisi (second reading)

Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You – Peter Cameron

Catch – 22 – Joseph Heller

True Believer – Nicholas Sparks

The Money Drunk – Julia Cameron and Mark Bryan

The Fault in Our Stars – John Green (TWICE)

The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon (second reading)

Slow Love – Dominique Browning

Is Everyone Is Hanging Out Without Me? – Mindy Kaling

A Homemade Life – Molly Wizenberg

Will Grayson, Will Grayson – John Green & David Levithan

Seriously… I’m Kidding – Ellen Degeneres

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nightime – Mark Haddon

Betwixt – Tara Bray Smith

Little Bee – Chris Cleave

Prodigal Summer – Barbara Kingsolver

How to Sew a Button –  Erin Bried

The Other Side of the Story – Marian Keyes

Wintergirls – Laurie Halse Anderson

The Girl Who Played With Fire – Stieg Larsson

Smart Women Finish Rich – David Bach

Normal Gets You Nowhere – Kelly Cutrone

Amy and Roger’s Epic Detour – Morgan Matson

The Postmortal – Drew Magary

French Women Don’t Get Fat – Mireille Guiliano

Twenties Girl – Sophie Kinsella

Writing Down the Bones – Natalie Goldberg

The Start-Up of You – Reid Hoffman and Ben Casnocha

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest – Stieg Larsson

Ender’s Game – Orson Scott Card

The Summer We Read Gatsby – Danielle Ganek

The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkien

Night Circus - Erin Morgenstern

Happier At Home – Gretchen Rubin

Instant Love – Susannah Conway, Amanda Gilligan and Jenier Altman

Juliet, Naked – Nick Hornby

Twisted – Laurie Halse Anderson

Divergent – Veronica Roth

Switch : How to Change Things When Change Is Hard – Chip Heath & Dan Heath

The Best Advice I Ever Got – Katie Couric

This is How – Augusten Burroughs

Spirit Junkie – Gabrielle Bernstein

You Can Buy Happiness (and It’s Cheap) – Tammy Strobel

Empire Falls – Richard Russo

Last Night At Chateu Marmont – Lauren Weisberger
Insurgent - Veronica Roth
The Fame Game - Lauren Conrad
The Fire Starter Sessions (TWICE)
168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think - Laura Vanderkam
Inheritance - Christopher Paolini
The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Prisoner's Dilemma - Trenton Lee Stewart
The Brave - Nicholas Evans

xoxo

The Fire Starter Sessions - Future Gratitude

It's not the imbalances of life that will get you down - it's doing meaningless things that aren't taking you were you want to go.

While I've come to the last worksheet in this book I highly doubt my work with it is over. There's so much to glean from it, so much to take in and answers change with each thing that happens in life. I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've probably said it even more than that... I am so glad I bought this book. Going through it has done wonders.

Next month, next year or five to twenty years down the road, what and who will you be valuing? Why will you be filled with appreciation? Be practical or dream a bit.

Next month, next year, an hour from now... I will be appreciating my friends and family. The ones I choose and the ones I'm born with. I will appreciate my health and my strength, mentally and physically.
I'll be thankful for the growth that has come from living and trying and pushing my limits. I'll appreciate the growth in my hobbies of choice, like photography and blogging... I'll continue appreciating the people that read this blog, that listen to me talk even if I talk too much.
I will value the lessons learned from my parents, from my friends and even those I learned from once trusting people that weren't worth it.
I hope to be valuing a special someone sooner than later but with no options in sight I'm not rushing anything. Just hoping the good vibes I am working to put out come back my way.
Right now, and in the next few hours and weeks I am and will be appreciating my little space heater and my blankets.
I'm never going to stop appreciating the clouds and how they are painted with the sunset on perfect nights. I will never stop appreciating the smell of books, the sound of rain or a good cuddle.

xoxo

The Fire Starter Sessions and all included worksheets were written and created by Danielle LaPorte

The Fire Starter Sessions - Sizing Up Simpatico

It takes a village.

A pithy summation of your life philosophy. Finish these thoughts first:

I think that most people are: looking for answers... to crossword puzzles, to their significant others inability to put the toilet seat down, to why we are here, to why we have to lose those we love... to why massacres happen or wars go on for a decade. I think we're all looking for different answers.

I believe that life is: full of surprises, and willing to work for you if an effort is made.

I hold the opinion that:

I'm the kind of person who: can go to a movie or dinner alone. I love my friends, I love going out with friends, but sometimes they aren't on the same schedule and sometimes I just can't find someone interested enough... and I'm not going to wait forever... so I go. I also did the drive up to Portland and then back down to San Diego by myself. It was very peaceful.

I relate to people who are: inspired and in awe of the simple things that are beautiful... I relate to people who are fascinated by human sexuality. I relate to people who make things and travel places... even though I haven't done that much of either. I relate to people who are willing to be related to... who have a more even temperament than I do. :)

I love people who: are friendly to waiters and waitresses, who read and fully admit to what other people would call guilty pleasures... who work their butts off but are humble and don't hold anything over anyone's head.

People who think that __________________ make me _____________________

My evil twin would say:

I have faith that: if I make an effort, like 110% good things will happen. I know that some possible bad things might happen too, but that's life, and I have faith that sometimes there will be good days, and sometimes there will be days to just get through.

I see my work as a means to: travel, tattoos, books, crafts, meet people, buy food, support my picture taking habit...

What I value most in myself is: my willingness to always be improving upon what and who I am.

What I value most in other people is:

I cherish working with people who: are motivated, creative and funny.

I found this to be quite challenging. I think about myself and how to improve and many other things but these questions throw me off a lot. I answered the ones that didn't take me five minutes to think about. I didn't answer all of them but maybe next year I'll take another look.

My life philosophy? Do things, see places, meet people, learn, learn, learn. See the beauty in the simple... be thankful for what you have and shy away from thinking you have not. Love your friends, your family, those you wish to be close to. Simplify, weed out the toxic that may try to hang around. Don't take things personally but also take responsibility. Make time for that which is important.
Be who you want to be.

xoxo

The Fire Starter Sessions and all included worksheets were written and created by Danielle LaPorte

The Fire Starter Sessions -Getting Emotional About Money

I tend to think of money in the same way I regard time: It's a form of energy. It comes and goes according to my intentions. 

Step 1
How do you feel:
About your debt?
Frustrated but hopeful. I don't think I will stop being frustrated until I get it all paid off, but feeling hopeful is new and I like it.

About your income?
I want it to be higher. I am not mad about my income now, I am able to pay rent and buy food and dine out more than is heathy and I can buy books and pay down my credit card, so I'm not crying poor. But I would like a bigger buffer. Some of that will be working towards eating at home more often and some of that will be figuring out how to make more money.

About your savings and assets?
Need more definitely.

About anyone who owes you money?
Nobody owes me money. I am fine.

When you pay for experiences and outings?
Depends on the experience or outing. Sometimes I feel guilty afterwards, sometimes I feel awesome and know I'll figure out how to make ends meet.

When you go grocery shopping?
Excited about the food and hungry but then frustrated when I feel like there's nothing to eat two days later.

When you shop for clothes?
I don't shop for clothes often. I feel like I shouldn't be spending that amount of money at one time even though I'm shopping at H&M or Forever21. I need to work on taking the money I would be spending on dining out and putting it towards some good pieces for my closet.

When you shop for art, decor, or collectibles?
I rarely do this but when I do I make myself think about it. I might even walk around Target with something in my hand and then put it back before I leave because I just don't need the extra expense. But if I really want it I end up feeling happy when I look at it displayed in my room.

Step 2
Identify what a pure positivity with money would feel like.
Not being scared to look at my bank accounts. It would feel comfortable and stable and full of hope and excitement and adventure. There would be wiggle room in case of emergency or spur of the moment trips.
The ability to buy a gift for a friend or take them out to a movie/for food/whatever if the inspiration struck.
Pure positivity with money will feel stable and calm, a foundation that I can feel confident in when exploring new things and places.


There is a part 3... I chose not to do it here.

xoxo

The Fire Starter Sessions and all included worksheets were written and created by Danielle LaPorte

The Fire Starter Sessions - Freely Associating with Money

When you establish your purpose for money, you have a rudder to help guide your purchases, investments, donations, savings - all the things that you do with money. You also motivate yourself to go get what you want the most. 

Quick habit analysis:
What do you love spending money on?
Experiences, travel, really good food, tattoos, books that I will keep and mark up and learn from over and over, pictures, things to make new crafts out of, gifts for others

What do you wildly resent paying for?
gas, anything that only women HAVE to buy because they have a uterus (bc, tamps, etc)

What do you consider luxurious?
I'm a relatively simple girl, anything piece of clothing/accessory etc that goes over $150 gets a little costly (and possibly luxurious  if it's made well) to me. I like the look of really expensive things sometimes but I know there are other things I want more, like another lens for my camera instead of really expensive jeans.
I consider luxurious to be really fluffy pillows in soft sheets with a puffy down comforter. I consider luxurious to be clean, well made, sturdy and with little stress.
Luxurious is a massage in a dim lit room (by a professional). It's something that doesn't happen all the time, and that's fine, because it's a break in the norm.
But the norm is still great.

When, where, and how are you cheap?
Food in a round about way. I spend the most on food but on the day to day I think cheap when I want to buy it. I rarely go somewhere and pay more than $15 plus tip for a meal. And when I spend that I'm splurging... like, a lot.
I'm also cheap when it comes to experiences and adventures. I'm cheap in the short term but it ends up costing me experiences (and sometimes more money) in the long run. I'm working on it currently.

When, where, and how are you generous?
I'm sporadically generous. Something I want to work on more. I like being able to buy people gifts or cover their meal when they least expect it. I want to have more money set aside next christmas for gifts, even though I like the route I am taking this year. Next year I just want to add some oomph.  


What is your most common money fantasy? If that didn't happen what's the next best money fantasy? The next best after that? If those didn't happen what would be a great way to have money come into your life? Brainstorm many ways.

My most common money fantasy is making enough to put a serious dent in my credit card each month until it's all paid off, then putting what I use to put toward the credit card to my car and then to paying off old debts that no one's holding over my head but I would love to repay in some way. Then it would be time to save for travel. During this time I would/will also be getting a nice savings going.
While winning the lottery or falling into a grand amount of money would be fun, I know that's not what is going to happen. I answered those emails and all I got were viruses...

So really my money fantasy has come down to finding a passion that can be my source of income. And while I'm doing that also learning and perfecting how to live below my means... even if my means are high. My dream life does not have a huge price tag, my dream car is one I had and lost... maybe with a few small additions to it. Or maybe a slightly bigger vehicle for the future, when a family comes together. I'm not looking to own a huge house, or have a really expensive wardrobe... but these wants aren't just so that I can fit in what I think I can make, I want to make more than these things will cost, so I can be happy with what I have, put away for the future and enjoy the world.

It's time to do some more exploring. Find the fire that I've spent years ignoring, push past my thoughts of "I couldn't..." and find out how I can.

xoxo

The Fire Starter Sessions and all included worksheets were written and created by Danielle LaPorte

The Fire Starter Sessions: A Perfect Twelve

We fill up our lives. That's what humans do. The question is what are you filing it with?

The whole point of this exercise is to actually create those ideal twelve hours - or as close to it, even if it's just 15 minutes, as frequently as possible until that idealism is the fabric of your everyday reality and lifestyle.

Imagine your perfect 12 hour day at home within the confines of your current reality. Dream about the job, the type of apartment, etc, but don't get crazy with traveling to have lunch in Portland and dinner in Las Vegas.

My perfect 12 hours would start with a semi early morning, but feeling fully rested. I would don some yoga pants, a shirt and possibly a sweatshirt if necessary and get myself outside for a walk/jog. Then I would come back home and have breakfast. After a shower off and a get ready it would be work time... doing what, I'm not sure yet, but I figure it would be me and the computer. Writing? Reading for research? After some work it would lunch and then adventure or craft time. Maybe work on a quilt, or go somewhere and take pictures, on a great day go to Sea World or something. Then come home, snack, a dance class, dinner, shower off yet again (sheesh... better planning in my perfect day might have to happen) a bit more work and then reading for fun and bedtime.
If we were talking about puuuuurfect here there would be a cat, maybe a dog involved AND a man friend.

Imagine your perfect day outside of those confines. 12 hours, dream big.

I would be taking photography classes in Argentina. I would be writing and taking pictures and visiting that beautiful country. I don't know if there needs to be more explanation than that.

EDIT: Okay, there is more... I would be drinking coffee (decaf, let's not go crazy) in little shops and meeting people and working on my fluency in Spanish. I would be going on weekend trips to other parts of the country that I miss. I would be staying in Buenos Aires and learning the tango. I mean, this obviously wouldn't all be in one day. But oh man, how magical it all seems.

xoxo

The Fire Starter Sessions and all included worksheets were written and created by Danielle LaPorte

The Fire Starter Sessions: The All-About-You Interview

I think the title of the worksheet just about says it all, and what it doesn't say the questions do. This started off as a difficult exercise, but as the weeks went on and I started being nicer to myself it became easier, and more inspiring, and then downright exciting. 

You will always be too much of something for someone.

1. What do you know to be true, unquestionably beyond doubt, certain with every cell of your being, completely, passionately, righteously certain?
That my parents and family love me. That my friends like me and I'm starting to understand why. I believe in not taking peoples' choices away from them... I believe in safe sex, smart decision making and having fun. I believe that there is beauty in the tasks and chores that people call the everyday. I believe in the ocean and in this system we call nature. I believe in simple beauty. I believe in love though I want to claim realism so that I don't get hurt when it doesn't happen as frequently as I want it to. I believe in no regrets but also taking time to think things through from time to time. I believe in enjoying this one life and not getting caught in a job or a relationship or a cycle that isn't healthy or fruitful. I believe in so many things.

2. What was the dumbest thing you used to believe in? What changed your mind?
That I was ugly and dumb. I can't prove that I am or am not either. There are people that would agree or disagree either way. Good grades could prove to some I am smart, but other life decisions could have people thinking I wasn't so smart.
It's all a matter of perception and choice. Some of the seemingly smartest people make very dumb decisions and never enjoy life. Some of the most beautiful people (named in our society) aren't content and don't believe what the masses are saying.
There are still days I feel incredibly dumb and there are days where I look in the mirror and wonder how I could ever have thought myself to be ugly. But it's not permanent, these feelings and assumptions. It's not important if I am smart or dumb, what's important to me is I live this life and don't let it pass me by like I have before, that I appreciate and work toward new things and learn... and if I'm really lucky...find someone who will love me as I love them... what else? It's important that I find a way to support myself and follow my passions. That doesn't necessarily take smarts, it takes courage and drive.

3. What do you know the most about?
Probably myself. I don't feel like I know more than a common amount about anything else.

4. Why do you do what you do?
Why do I read? Because I like stories, I like learning about people and different kinds of situations and relationships. I like happy endings. I do read stories that don't have happy endings, but sometimes I do need them.
I write this blog because it feels right, because I like creating these posts, I like putting pictures up... is that self important? Vain? I really don't know, I struggle with that thought a lot. But then I also really enjoy others blogs and don't think them vain at all. Documenting our lives, telling stories, we've been doing it as a species for years, clearly not this down to the moment, but cave drawings, home videos. They are a fantastic thing, especially for people like me who likes to find beauty in the everyday.

5. One word: breakthrough. What comes to mind?
Breaking through a brick wall. A moment of brilliant inspiration. I use to think I needed an epiphany, just one and I would work through everything and be on the track to brilliance but it kept not happening. I would read books and like what they said and told myself to remember these things when life felt hard but something would happen and I would need another book.
Recently I found this book (this exact one) and I decided that it would just have to stick, I would read it over and over again. And I did buy another one, and it was similar but it made me think about a different aspect of my life, and for some reason things started to stick, but it wasn't at all once... and it still isn't brilliant and I'm not owning at everything but my life is pretty darn decent and I'm appreciating what I have and taking time to figure out what I want. Can a breakthrough be getting through a brick wall with a spoon, tiny bits at a time over years?

6. What has been one of your most memorable experiences in your career?
Daphne Loves Derby. I use to work at an all ages venue. At that venue I booked local shows. One day I went on a hunch and answered a girl that wanted to get a band from out of state to play. I took a chance and it ended up going really well. The capacity of the venue was a little over 500 and we sold around 300. Later the band got an agent for shows and the agent tried to get them to go to a different venue but they insisted they go with mine, because I had booked them before.
I feel a little strange keeping that as my greatest achievement... things went down at the venue and I didn't feel right about it and then there was juggling another job and full credits at school... excuses really, things to distract from the feelings I had there but it's still not something I want to go into, at least not on a blog.
But anyway, regardless of what happened later hearing that they sold that many tickets was such a great moment in my life. I was so amazed.

7. What global policy, credo, practice, or law would you like to decree?
Don't say sorry unless you really mean it.

8. What experience tested your mettle but made you a better person?
I'm not sure I've had one yet. Moving to Portland, moving back from Portland, living back at home at an age I feel is unacceptable.
Learning that the guy I dated for two months had been doing heroin the whole time we were together. It's not like I was around it but it took many, many months, maybe even a year or so for me not to feel absolutely horrible about myself in the whole thing.
Getting hit with a serious bout of anxiety and depression during my last year and a half of college (probably because it was the last year and a half of college) and finding ways to work with it and then finding ways to work through it after, getting on medication and most recently getting off of it... and it's going great. I guess that would test a person's mettle. I'll take it as an example!

9. Finish the sentence: "It's a good day when..."
It's a good day when I've woken up refreshed, had a healthy and light breakfast, had some time to read and write... when I've spent time with friends participating in good conversation, walking around town, taking pictures and enjoying simplicity.
It's a good day when I've done something to feel accomplished, when I've felt wanted or needed. When I've felt usefull.
It's a good day when I've laughed until I've cried, when I've made a new friend that I instantly connect with or I've found a new favorite place.
It's a good day when I wake up and the sun is shining and I have a place to go that I'm excited about, or when I wake up and it's raining and I get to stay in bed a little longer.

10. When was the last time you thought, "Yes! That person has so got it going on!"?
Reading certain blogs, like Life as an Artispreneur. Definitely. She's honest and upfront in her blog and I love it.

11. What question in your life has had the biggest impact on you?
What am I going to do with my life that will support me? That question stops me in my tracks, makes me cry at night, gives me anxiety attacks...
I'm not as scared right now, I've managed to find a way to support myself working three jobs... three part time jobs, I'm not breaking my back here. But there is definitely a "what's next" in the back of my mind... what do I WANT to be next more specifically, because I finally feel like I have control, like I make choices everyday and I'm mostly happy with the outcome of those choices. Like I can do this... I can figure it out. The basics are set, I can do them... so what's next?

12. What are you positively addicted to?
After looking up the definition and criteria for positive addiction I have come to the conclusion that I do not have one. Maybe reading. Reading is the only thing I can think of that I don't badger myself about, can do by myself, usually feel good about, and spend 30 minutes to an hour on a day.
Photography, learning new things, self help blogs and books... meeting new, awesome people. Getting into good conversations.

13. What is the best advice you were ever given in terms of business?
You can want anything as long as you are willing to give enough for it.

14. What's the most common life advice that you give to your friends?
use a condom.
talk it out.
if it's worth it, you'll make time for it.

15. What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word devotion?
Love, adoration... never giving up, loyalty.

16. What are you most interested in?
Not being a pathetic loser. The crossed out answer... that's how I am during those dark days (months). Right now I can't imagine feeling that way about myself but I'm not so cocky that I think it could never happen again. Nonetheless, I feel a lot better about myself today and I can answer this a little more fully.
I am interested in making people feel good, but not temporarily. Like, teaching them something that makes their life a little easier on the hard days. I am interested in reading and learning and photography. Capturing moments, taking it in.

17. What are you incredibly grateful for?
SO. MANY. THINGS.
The ocean, my family, the fact that molecules came together and made me, pretty nail polish, the feeling of cotton, a warm blanket on a cool night, cuddles, emotions (even the not so good ones), my eyes to see with, my brain to take it all in with, my friends, my mind, clean water to drink, being able to see the ocean for my lunch break 3 days a week, having a job (or three), food, specifically french toast right now I wish I had some, a body that works and is for the most part healthy, living in a place where I can express myself without fear of death or torture... I'm thankful for my cat and dog and the nutty things they do. I'm grateful for a good song that sends chills down my spin, or one that just makes me want to dance...
I'm grateful for a lot. I have a lot to be grateful for. I am very blessed.

18. What's your form of service to the world?
If only I knew. I really, really want to know.

xoxo

The Fire Starter Sessions and all included worksheets were written and created by Danielle LaPorte

The Fire Starter Sessions - The Stop-Doing List

How's this for a rationalization? It just doesn't feel right.

I wanted to dance for joy when I read those two lines. For absolute joy because I've spent my life explaining myself and rationalizing to others as well as myself. And sometimes, many times, I couldn't put the feelings into words, I just knew something wasn't right, that there was a real reason, a real block, for not moving forward. But without facts and logic to back it up there was disbelief and attempts to stick things out or really get to know a person that my gut had already decided wasn't good. No more. I'll be civil if it's absolutely necessary, but if I meet someone and get that feeling, it's done. If I start a job and it just doesn't feel right, it's on to the next, no matter the paycheck or the way it will look on the resume.

Look back on your year and get very clear about what sucked. What didn't work, got mired in resentment, felt onerous, weight you deadly down?

- Spending money I didn't have

- Loan from a family member (this isn't a lack of appreciation, it's acknowledging the problems that came with the loan)

- Staying too long in a place because of fears
- a dude

What will you stop doing? Effective immediately?
What I have stopped since the first reading of this book:

- I have stopped using my credit card 

- I have stopped making myself miserable about how I look, how I act, what I do... and where I am at

- I have stopped giving away my power
- I have stopped caring about aforementioned dude
- I have stopped what was wrong with me, because I've stopping thinking there is something wrong

Moving forward:
- I will stop making excuses to not exercise
- I will stop cutting down my hope
- I will stop taking good moments for granted
- I will stop raining on my own parade
- I will stop checking instagram and facebook obsessively... no really

xoxo

The Fire Starter Sessions and all included worksheets were written and created by Danielle LaPorte

The Fire Starter Sessions: What Business Are You Really In?

When you feel an idea comin' on, excuse yourself. Pull over to the side of the road. Get lost in the creative flow. Be late. Barge in.

What would someone pay you $100/hour to tell/teach/inform them about?
This one is really difficult for me, I am not sure what people would pay me that much for. I use to get paid $20 a hour and I knew she was being generous. This is not to say I don't do good work, or that I don't work hard, I definitely do, I just don't know what I would get paid $100 an hour doing.
I can throw out some guesses...
- organizing their house and then their life
- how to better communicate with a friend, family member, etc

What are you repeatedly telling/showing/explaining to your clients? What do they want more of from you? What are they always asking for?
Clients and people around me are two different things. My clients aren't mine at this time. They are there for my boss or the place I work in.
So with that in mind, what do I find myself explaining to people, what are they always asking for?
- answers to proper wording
- advice about what to do about a friend or family member or other relationships,
- questions about books

What do you know about? What's your knowledge base? What do you know that other people don't?
I have a hard time figuring out what I know that other people don't know. Things that I know don't seem so out of the ordinary and often times I'm surprised when someone doesn't know something I am talking to them about. I'm still trying to figure that out.

How does your service/offering/product make people feel? What problem does it solve, or what state does it create?
Again, I'm still not sure.

What's your message? (Everyone has a message.) What do you stand for?
I stand for self confidence, I stand for self esteem... for feeling good about one self. Mostly because it's been a rocky road for me and I see other people and wonder why they don't like what they are. It's a strange thing self perception...
I don't stand for excessive cockiness though. Fine lines and such.

What is the vehicle for your knowledge?
Word of mouth? I don't think I'm ready for this worksheet yet.

Who wants what you've got? (values + lifestyle, and "types" of people)


Who needs what you've got? (Even though they may not know it yet.)

I am at a loss for most, if not all, of these questions. I don't have a service that provides something different than anyone else yet. I serve food in an expensive movie theater. I smile and say nice things, I joke and such and then bring them the bill. I try not to interrupt their together time. But as far as providing a service that someone would pay $100/hour for I'm stumped.

I explain to my clients how the system works at my job, but that wouldn't be something transferable.

What do I know that others don't? A little bit of this and maybe a little bit of that. I have random bits of knowledge acquired through google during random conversations, but is there something bigger than that? I'm just trying to read and experience life and figure it all out myself.

For the most part I try to make people feel good. I like to make people laugh. Maybe more than making people laugh I like people to think that I'm funny. Because if they were laughing because I did something stupid (aka at me instead of with me) then I wouldn't like it very much at all. I control when and how I get laughed at.

Vehicle: word of mouth, blog, twitter, facebook.

Who wants what I've got? For a price? I'm not sure... for free? friends.

xoxo

The Fire Starter Sessions and all included worksheets were written and created by Danielle LaPorte