Sometimes the focus just isn't quite right
As you might have noticed, (I like to think you pay close, close attention to my blog and my posting habits) it's been a little quiet around here. I keep taking small breaks lasting a week or so and wondering what I want out of this little space of mine.
I know for sure that I want to connect my blog to the domain name I bought and leave clickclickcorey. As cute and fun as it is, I just don't connect to it as much as but we will stay, which has been a username of mine for years and years now. While I've had plenty of other user names over the years that I connected to at the time (cough cough sexylilbunny I'm still embarrassed about that, aneed2try, musicsmistress, ceasnail, etc oh yes something like boppy raver girl... can I just say, as my cheeks turn a little red, we were all 13-16 once and I never actually raved. ever. The only thing I did was swing glowsticks around as hula dancers do with poi and that, my friends, was the closest I ever came to raving. But clearly I digress...)
Where was I, oh yes, but we will stay actually makes sense to me, and doesn't make me want to hide a bit in shame for whatever my teenage hormones thought I should label myself. It's all encompassing should I want to talk about books, or photography or dust mites in Sri Lanka. Don't worry, I don't think I want to talk about dust mites in Sri Lanka, but if I did I wouldn't have to worry about throwing anyone off because my name mainly concerns photography (click click like a shutter...).
Enough explaining on that point. Moving on...
Not only do I want to retire click click corey and fully commit to but we will stay, I've also been very tired with my blog design. Seriously if I had to look at it one more time I might scream or gag or, well, keep taking blog breaks. I love looking through blogs and writing posts but for some reason I still feel like something isn't right when I publish. I read through the words again and find that I like them even more than I thought, I look at the images and like them as well, but something still doesn't sit right.
I realize it's like when I don't want to go home because I'm not happy with the layout, color, bedding and art in my room. While certain parts look great, my small camera collection, my little bookshelf, etc, other parts just constantly nag at my mind, like the bedskirt that doesn't match my crocheted blankets or the walls being yellow which makes any picture I take have a yellow hue, even worse at night when the bedside lamp is my only light.
Small things yes, but my goodness they grate on the nerves.
Unfortunately I am no html or css wizard, nor a wizard's apprentice... heck I tried using a step by step tutorial on how to make my own simple blogger template and I found myself stuck on the part where it said (in what it figured were layman's terms) copy the html document and rename it as an xml document and then open it with your favorite text editor. Okay, tried, but every time I opened it, there was no html code, just a webpage looking document. Awesome.
Last week I decided there was a no blogging rule besides my 52 photos in 52 weeks. I need to keep track of that for myself and didn't want to stop with a good trend. So I kept that, but any time I thought to blog about something else I stopped myself. I needed some time to think.
During this time I happened upon a post at Wake Up Lovely about
the downside to blogging and why that made her disappear from the page from time to time.
I totally got what she was saying. As if my first two reasons weren't enough to keep me wary every time I typed in blogger, I was also constantly comparing myself to these other bloggers and wondering how they have so much more or better of this and I, well, I always fell short.
Honestly, I think frustrated and unsure of how to move forward are two emotions I very much feel in just about every part of my life right now. That is the final reason for not showing up to the page. I do that with my personal journaling too. When something really good seems to be happening I don't write about it because I'm afraid I've jinxed it by writing it down, if something frustrating or negative or upsetting is happening I don't write about it because I don't feel like I can get the words out.
So that's where I'm at. I'm tempted to start saving to pay for some layout services, but then I feel guilty, like I should just teach myself how to do it. Oh a "should." That's worse than any four letter word I've ever heard. (Oooh a rhyme!)
For now I'll use one of the blogger templates, a clean, simple one that gets somewhat close to what I want and spend time thinking about the different pieces and color scheme I want. I have a pretty good idea, but it's just about getting those things onto the web.
Oh yes, and calling Go Daddy to make my domain name connect to here.
I guess a little time figuring out what's next in life wouldn't hurt either. ;)
xoxo
