and then I went to Nashville

I've spent my days since Nashville trying to figure out how to write about it. I'm still coming up blank. So I'll share some photos, and maybe someday in the near future, I'll be able to write about it, all of it.

Until then, enjoy the scenery.

xoxo

Nashville Here I Come

In a little less than a month, I, Corey, will be on a plane headed to Nashville, Tennessee!!! My excitement cannnot be contained. At all. Nor can my anxiety. I am so excited for this trip, so excited for what's in store, what I will learn, if I will love it... so excited... and scared. I'm basically unemployed currently, looking for jobs and wondering what the heck I am going to do to make enough money to pay bills and go on this trip. Yes, I have a place to stay paid for, I have my plane tickets and a conference ticket. But woooo buddy, I'm not ready for this monetarily. Not one big. And now I'm nervous as heck. So nervous.

But, hey, I have wanted to go to Nashville for YEARS now. Years I tell you! And the time is coming and soon I will be there and I will be seeing everything it has to offer.

I spent some time a few weeks ago looking up places I just had to see. A couple of my favorite posts I've found thus far concerning the city are these Nashville in Autumn & Nashville: City Guide.

Not long after I looked at these Elsie and Emma of A Beautiful Mess announced they were going to be in Nashville and called for recommendations. Needless to say, I have a list of place I could see, will try to see and will definitely have a bunch to see if I ever go again, or even possibly move there.

Why am I going? Well, there's this conference, it's called the Storyline Conference and it's based off the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (which I write a little bit about here) and it's about making your life the story you want it to be, a good story, with meaning. I'm really excited for it.

I'll be staying with a couple on the east side of Nashville, in a little place I found via AirBnB. This trip is going to be an adventure of so many kinds. It will be my first time getting on a plane to take a trip to a place all by myself. It will be my first time in Tennessee, and it will be my first time staying with people instead of in a hotel.

So there it is, exciting and a little bit scary and how the heck am I going to do this all mixed into one!

If you have any Nashville suggestions that are budget friendly I would love to add them to my list!

xoxo

Golden Coast: Los Angeles Beaches and the Irvine Spectrum

A week after my return from my Golden Coast trip I decided I needed a little hint of a vacation again. I got back in my car and drove north to visit a couple beaches I had left out on my way back. I started at El Matador State beach, took some pictures, sat on a staircase to nowhere and watched people try to navigate the waves. After getting my shoes thoroughly wet and then my feet thoroughly sandy I traveled on down to Zuma beach. There was one particular building I wanted to capture, maybe not even the whole building, just the sign. When I had seen it the first time the week before I hadn't stopped to take a picture, but this time I did, and even though there were people milling around, I still got exactly what I wanted, maybe even more. I mean, an umbrella, the food sign AND birds perched in a row? So good.
After a few snaps at Zuma I headed a little farther south to Santa Monica Pier. I love this place, well, I like it a lot. Mostly because there is a ferris wheel. Here's the deal though, you can't ride it alone, and the seating arrangement with the staff wasn't conducive to many pictures that I wanted. But I guess I just have a reason to go back in the future, with a friend... or maybe more than a friend? (Wiggling eyebrows implied) Despite my semi awkward joy ride on the ferris wheel, I did get in a dinner session at Pier Burger, definitely one of my most favorite hamburger places ever.

After I left the beaches I drove south and found myself at the Irvine Spectrum, a place I can't help but stop at just about every time I find myself headed to the Los Angeles area. There's just this pull. It also has a ferris wheel, so maybe that's it. I spent a good hour or two browsing books at Barnes and Noble, eventually settling on Escape from Cubicle Nation, Vagabonding and Beyond Snapshots. I also picked up a new journal, ready and glorious for when I get through my current one.

It was a great one day mini vacation. I came back home inspired with my bag full of knowledge and my camera full of pictures. Not a bad way to spend a day off.

xoxo

From the County Fair

 

There's something about fairs and carnivals that make me really happy. I think circus themed things fit into this as well though I don't like going to the circus nearly as much. Maybe the animal cruelty thing gets me with those. But circus themed things as well as fairs and carnivals made me a little giddy. I love the colors, the sounds, the candy, the horrible food, the possibility of summer love.

What use to be called the Del Mar Fair (now the San Diego County Fair) is definitely a highlight of the year. It's a sign to my city that summer has come and it's time to celebrate. It's time to forget those bikini bodies for a day and sink your teeth into deep fried... well, deep fried just about anything. I believe I saw a krispy kreme sloppy joe advertised... yeah. It's a special place.

I don't ever find myself on many of the rides, but I still love to walk around the games, hear the calls from carnis, see young couples holding hands, older couples holding big stuffed animals that they probably spent a couple twenty dollar bills to win... I love the feeling, the carefree laughter and screaming of the people on rides.

This year the fair did not disappoint. In fact, it was better than I could have imagined. I went twice, once with a group from work and then with a good friend. Both times were awesome for their own reasons. The first time I stayed away from most of the food because I was planning on bungee jumping and didn't want anything to go wrong. I did go on the drop ride, got myself at least somewhat prepared for my jump, I watched my friends go on some others and then we hit the beer garden. I didn't drink until after my jump, and then I had a $8 bud light. Yes, it was that expensive, for a bud light. Gotta love the fair.
The first go round was longer, a more thorough time. We went on rides, they ate all the different foods between the lot of them, we drank, danced to horrid cover bands, tried to win prizes, and, oh yes, got kicked off the ferris wheel.

If you didn't know this about me yet, I'll tell you now...

I. Love. Ferris. Wheels.

And we got kicked off. Because my friends are goons. Surprisingly I'm not upset about it though, it's a good enough story to be worth all the tickets I gave away so they could come on with me (and then get me kicked off). That's what friendship is for right?

The second go round was a later adventure, my focus was definitely more food oriented, or at least dessert. We did a quick tour, saw Joan Jett for a second and then went back for more food. It was the day before the 4th so it was a little busier than I like, but I was still at the fair, and so, I was happy.

Oh yes, and during my second trip there were the animals, the cows, bunnies, goats and... there was an alligator... I'm pretty sure he's not alive and that they charge two dollars per person for a fake thing. Either that or I feel sorry for the beast. His cage gave him little room to do much else but play dead in the water. There was a cooler at the end of the short walkway in his exhibit and we wondered what could possibly be in there. At first we wanted to think it was his food, but I think it was probably just the ticketmaster's food and beer. I'm not sure that alligator actually eats anything anymore.

All in all, I did the fair well. I'll probably end up going to another one in Orange County before the summer is over, possibly alone so I can walk slowly and take more pictures. But this was was good for experience and memories.

It's been a good summer so far.

xoxo

The Golden Coast: My Favorites

I can't believe it's already been two weeks since I came back from my trip. Time flies, but I say that a lot. I took so long to post these because of different issues, like wanting to start doing a watermark, and not knowing what format I wanted to put them in, if I wanted to make them smaller in a collage or if I wanted them to be bigger.

Bigger won. Imperfect watermarks also won. So here they are. The absolute beauties from my trip. I think there are more, these are just my absolute favorites. Especially the gas station one. I got off the freeway to take a picture of that, it was so perfect, abandoned, broken down and beautiful. A couple of these are from a point and shoot, some of them are from my phone and the rest are from the lady Rebel.

Honestly, as I look through them they are all favorites. I love the gas station one because I actually took the time to get off the freeway at a place I wanted to see. The stacked rocks I like because that one took time to figure out what I was trying to convey with my camera, I love my feet in the pebble sand because it feels like paradise, my kind of paradise. The blue door with a white wall is a picture I expect to envy when I see it on other people's blogs or instagrams, but it's mine. I took it, I did it right. Well, me and the phone.

And the picture of the polaroids on a hotel bedspread... I am shaking my head and raising my hand to the ceiling thinking of trying to write what that one feels like to me. It's perfect, it's the film I love, shots that came out great, finally, after years of sadness with the Impossible Project, it's the adventure that comes with being in a hotel room, it's my heart. Basically. Too much? Nah, just enough.

I'm once again being intentional about getting out and taking more pictures. But this time I've got a couple books I'm reading, I'm thinking about the shots more, maybe even taking less. But I'm growing, and I'm learning and I'm stoked with the outcome.

That trip was necessary. There are many more to come.

xoxo

A Piece of My Trip

Delete, rewrite, delete, rewrite. Create collage, delete. Create another collage, delete. I think I'm just going to leave it at this for now. 

Shell Beach, (or possibly Pirate's Cove in Avila Beach) with an Olypus Stylus, Kodak Ultramax 400 film.

xoxo

travel is necessary

I know it's been said before, I know I've learned this lesson before, I know it's part of physics, but I found out again it's really true that doing is conducive to more doing, that action breeds more action and that an object in motion stays in motion (unless another force is put upon it).

What I'm trying to say is, after my little trip up and down the Golden Coast I promised myself that I wouldn't stay as stationary as before. I would go to beaches in LA, or museums or anything. I will go downtown more and see friends there, even if it seems like gas is expensive and I can't afford it.
Because I can.

In fact, I can't afford NOT to go.

When I get out, when I explore new places, when I get moving, I feel better. I feel so grateful, I see beautiful and/or interesting things everywhere and the problems that seemed so grand shrink significantly.

It seems, travel, even in short distances, is absolutely necessary for my survival.

And a little sand between the toes doesn't hurt.

xoxo

Driving the Golden Coast

I mentioned before that I was embarking on a short journey, that I was doing something that scared me. And I did. If you follow my instagram or twitter feed you may have seen some pictures from my trip already, you may have heard about how my best laid plans cracked and needed some repairs, you may have also heard/read/seen that my car battery went to poop the first day in. Darn that grapevine!

You may have also seen that I kept going, that while LA traffic had me ready to turn around and go home and spend the weekend in bed, I didn't. I'm not saying that's a feat on my part, I'm just saying these were thoughts and things that happened.

I kept reminding myself, when something would feel off or when it felt like all was lost, that there was something to gain, and my natural reaction is to give in and go home, using the excuse that it's "a sign" that I shouldn't be doing whatever I am doing, was just my brain being scared. A book I've been reading lately has made me starting to think otherwise when I feel like I'm getting a sign to stop. It's got me thinking, maybe, when things get a little crazy and plans get muddled, it's not because it shouldn't be happening, but because I have to push through and figure out it's worth it despite it all. The extra night in a hotel and a new battery in the car, and 4 hours wasted in a city I never planned on being in waiting for said battery, were okay, they were just small prices to pay for seeing my friends and taking two days to get back down the coast.

The trip was worth it despite the anxiety and frustration of the first day and a half. I had to get through the rough spots, I had to get past my brain's natural defenses to the new. I had to keep pushing and what I was rewarded with after I kept pushing was all that mattered.

In the next few days I'll post the pictures I took of the places I went. I had quite an adventure and am so glad I went.

Now that I'm back to reality the stressors of real life are back but I'm going to try and incorporate more adventures into my months. Because when I was driving down the 101 stopping whenever and where ever I wanted, I felt free, and alive. I believed through and through that every day is a gift. I want to feel those emotions as much as possible.

xoxo

Something to Remember: Do Something That Scares You

Yesterday found me at the fair with a group of friends from work. While I love the fair and have many pictures, this post isn't going to be about that. It's about one specific thing that I did at the fair, something I have been meaning to do for years. A cross off the bucket list if you will.

Yesterday I bungee jumped, and I'm am so much happier than I ever could have imagined, that I did.

I didn't think it would be anything more than a roller coaster ride, that it would be scary, but something I could totally handle. And for the most part I did. But it didn't go like I imagined.

There were a couple times throughout the day when I was given opportunities to chicken out, times where I could have done things that would have made jumping a bad idea, like eating fair food. I didn't do these things, I was tempted, but I didn't. Eyes on the prize.

I want to say that I wasn't scared, that I wasn't ready to chicken out, but I was. Totally. I was aggravated because I wanted to get it done and over with early in the day but things kept happening and people kept wanting to go all over the place (such is the case when you have 8+ people in your group) and I hadn't eaten for a while so I was DEFINITELY in a grumpy mood when I finally walked up to the table to sign my life away on those papers.

I signed up, a guy put a wristband on, then I got on a scale and a number was written on my hand. At this point my grumpiness dissolved... Thoughts of what the heck was I doing?! and Well, money is paid, can't back out now, replaced it.

One of the lovely ladies from the group and I walked back to our chairs, I took this picture of someone else going up in the little cage, I started getting hyper, but scared hyper, we were told to put our phones away and tuck everything in our bags, take off our shoes and put the harness on like a pair of shorts. We then got the ankle straps and were moved along in the line.
Pretty soon we were standing on numbers marked in tape on the boarding rugs... then we were watching other people do their jump.
I was dancing to the music playing because my nervous energy needed to go somewhere, my companion in lunacy was laughing and saying she couldn't breathe.

Then it was time for us to go up in the cage. I was the last to jump. This means I got to ride in that cart up and down twice, I got to see the height TWICE before it was my turn to step outside the little door.

My partner in crime went, it took her a second, she's done it 3 times and still, she had to take a second. But she went, screaming and laughing.

I stayed calm, I may have even flirted with the guy taking us up... okay, so I did. He was cute and I needed a distraction. He seemed more than slightly bored when we first went up, but sometimes I can warm people up, and I think I made it a little less monotonous for him, maybe even for a second.
Back we go down to the ground.

Time for me to get my bungee connected, time for me to say hi to the person taking the video, time for us to head back to the top. I feel the nerves again while typing this, I am back there.

We get to the desired height, I step outside of the little door and I freak. Not outwardly, I don't know how to freak out outwardly unless really mad, but inwardly the survival part of my brain turned on so fast. I held on tight to the handles and as he said one two three my brain said no way. I told him we had to count again... he said look ahead, look at the flag at the top of the other building, so I did, and on three (maybe a silent 4) I let go, and fell, arms wide.

The first second was my eyes closed, the second was me screaming. It's what I've always done when I feel stomach drops like those on roller coasters. It releases something. I also laugh. I might have gotten that part from my dad.

After the bounces up and down, after grabbing on to the rope by my feet, after being caught by the strong man on the ground and sat down in a chair, I looked dazed. They even said so. I was. There was no explaining the different feelings going through not only my mind and my body. Exhilaration definitely, gratitude for coming out alive, absolutely... wonder, no doubt. I was still shaking a little as I went to put my shoes back on. I was still dazed, still not sure what I was feeling.

Eventually I managed to get my shoes back on and join my friends.

Now that I've done it I totally understand my friend's nerves. It's not something you get use to. I don't know how you could ever get use to looking down a hundred feet or more, and let yourself fall, without having the lizard brain have something to say. Was it worth it? More than I ever thought.

I learned, again, maybe more so than ever before, why it's so important to do things that scare you. I felt so many things, so many things I wanted to feel. I watched myself, I saw my reactions, I saw myself trying to talk my way out of it, I saw my body's last ditch attempt to get me back on the ground the reasonable way (a spurt of nausea)... and after all of this I felt glee, uncontrolled giddiness, excitement and shock even. Lizard brain probably had a part in the daze afterward, the "oh my gosh, we survived that" was there.

Terrifying. Exhilirating. Worth it.

That's what it is to do something that scares you. That's what it is to me anyway. Terrifying, grumpiness inducing, excuse producing anxiety. But excitement too. Up until the very last second my brain was trying to talk me out of it, but where would that have gotten me? On the ground, feeling the same, if not disappointed. Yes, the whiplash could have hurt (but it didn't), something could have happened (but it didn't), I could have asked to be taken back down (but I didn't) and I'm left with one frickin awesome memory.

I want to remember this when facing anything that scares me. I want to remember when I'm on the outside of the gate, and the count begins, I want to remember that fear might try to hold me back, but that's when it's time to push forward. Do something that scares me. And it doesn't have to be jumping from heights with a large rubber band holding me, it doesn't have to be skydiving or moving to a different country, it can be small too, it can be talking to that stranger, or taking the picture that will have people staring for a second because I'm in their way, or applying for a new job. It can be big or small, but if it scares me, there's something to explore.

I'm not sure if I can find something to scare myself with every day, but I'm going to make it a priority to do something that scares me far more frequently. The benefits are just undeniable.

Every time I think of that point, standing on the outside, eyes pointed at the flag at the top of a far building, night sky dark but highlighted with fair lights, I feel alive. I can't wait to create more memories like that.

xoxo

Photo Adventure #2: The Barrett House

Monday I went on a little adventure to an abandoned house in Jamul. I have been wanting to see this house for a while now, my friend Brian told me about it months and months ago and finally, FINALLY I got it all together and scheduled a meet up.
The day started with a little scare, Lisa and I drove to the meeting spot and then, because we were early, went ahead and checked out the actual location. We went back to the meeting spot and up comes a police car. He sits a bit away from us, I can't tell if he's looking in our direction or not. The other part of our group drives up and we head to the house... wouldn't you know, right when we pull out of the gas station the police man does too! We panic a little, go past the road for the house and then turn around and double back when we realized he turned the other way.
Yay being paranoid! My fault.
After that little scare we get up to the house and it's a bit chilly. The house is obviously destroyed on the inside. I wanted to go in but I Lisa made the good point of maybe there were squatters in there... I didn't have a shank handy (though there was plenty of glass on the ground) so I hesitated. Luckily, one of the others ventured forward.
We cruised around the bottom level of what I think was the main house for a second, but the light was dim and we didn't have much to work with. Looking back I wish I had gone upstairs, I wish I had explored a little more. I get scared easily, of getting in trouble and getting hurt. I guess that means I need to go again soon, maybe with a big dude, just in case.
We spent a good amount of time outside looking at the grounds, the boarded up barn and the other house/garage/I don't really know.
I found myself sad and in awe at the same time. Sad that people felt the need to destroy this beautiful and old place, sad that people couldn't appreciate it as a memory. But kids/teens (it looked like a lot of kids had been through there at night) sometimes feel the need to destroy things, I guess an old house is better than each other? I don't really know.
I wonder why the owners haven't tried to do something with it, or if they have and it just hasn't gone anywhere. The porch/balcony on the back of the main house was gorgeous despite all the wear.
This house was gorgeous at one time, it was beautiful and loved. I hope someone find a way to love it, or the land sometime soon.
A post about lessons learned from my first two photo adventures coming soon!

xoxo

last photo via @lisakimberly11

Photo Adventure #1: Belmont Park

my two absolute favorite pictures from the day...

I'm patting myself on the back for the last one. Not for the actual picture, but the fact that I went up to this guy and asked if I could take a picture of this tattoo of his. I saw him walking by early in the day and saw these tattoos (there's one on each arm) and I thought it was just about the most awesome thing I was going to see all day. But I didn't muster the courage to ask if I could take a picture.
I saw him again later and I knew, just knew I would kick myself indefinitely if I didn't get a picture of at least one of his arms. So I walked over and asked in my nicest voice and he said yes and I putzed around with my camera so I didn't get a perfect exposure because I didn't want him to have to stand there forever (lesson learned, have correct settings in place before you ask) but I got this picture and for this, it was good enough. Stoked. High five me.

One photo adventure down, at least eleven to go!

xoxo