Golden Coast Road Trip

(pictures lost in blog transitions)

This trip was a whirlwind to say the least. Getting off the plane to light, humidity free sea air, three days home in San Diego saying hi to family, getting meals, spending a night at my favorite country bar, tearing up on the beach at night, and then getting into my rental car to drive up the coast. Stopping in Santa Monica for Pier Burger and some pictures, staying with a friend half way between San Diego and San Francisco, in wine country. Then heading out early to make a pit stop at Montaña de Oro, getting back on the road making slow time to San Francisco. The colorful houses, the Sutro Baths at Land's End... gorgeous places I hadn't explored in visits passed.

Then one of my closest/longest friend's wedding. A beautiful event, catching up with people I haven't seen in years, a little bit of dancing and some donuts. The last day getting up really, really early to see the Golden Gate Bridge from below, walk around Fisherman's Wharf before it really started opening up and then going back to the Sutro Baths one last time to make friends with the crabs and walk across the ruins.

Stopping off for some last minute chatting with the new bride and groom and then getting back on a plane to Nashville.

This time was for adventure and celebration, next time will be for catching up.

xoxo

The Good In Tennessee

The last time I posted about Nashville it was informative but probably not all that positive, and then last week I talked about finding the beauty in where I am as if it's where I'm staying forever... so here's to that.

The good in Tennessee.

- People are pretty nice here, a lot of them aren't locals but I think a lot of us that have come from non-southern locations are doing our best to keep southern hospitality. It probably doesn't look quite the same, but we're trying.

- BBQ. Delicious. Hot Chicken. Oh so good. So, before I go on and on, the food. The food is good (and heavy) here.

- You can get to farms and small towns in a short drive. I can find views of horses and farms in just about any direction 30+ minutes tops.

- There is water! San Diego is still in a drought even though they had some rain, but here I don't have to worry about the length of my shower, I don't have to worry about watering a lawn (I don't have a lawn but if I did...), I can wash my dishes and a load of laundry and even shower if I want at the same time without worry about getting charged (I might be worrying about the temperature of the water at that point though.)

- I drove behind a tractor pulling a HUGE load of hay! I was five minutes from my house!

- The servers at Waffle House. I just experienced that experience. Special is the word I have for the stories I heard in a 45 minute span. It was also 2am. Prime Waffle House time I think.

- Being that we are mostly a group of people from other places we get that it's hard to go somewhere new and not know too many people. I would say it's definitely easier to make friends here and get people to do things than it was when I moved to Portland.

- Summer nights, even when there's no plans. Sitting on my balcony just listening to the sounds, wrapped in the humid air. I didn't think that would be a huge positive on my list, but here I am, a little in love.

- Luke Bryan lives here... and I've seen him. I've even said hi, and handed him a menu. Once I even put a plate of food down at his table... (did you think of Mean Girls? I did.) Which was listed before, but I'm listing it again.

- The gas here is significantly cheaper than San Diego. Or it was when I moved here and I just kept believing that's true.

- Downtown Franklin during the holidays is absolutely charming and wonderful

- The old houses! Oh my goodness I could fall in love with these huge houses, mansions if you will. Colonnades, wrap around porches and long driveways! They are beautiful all year round, and in the snow, they were absolutely breathtaking.

- Back roads to just about anywhere I want to go. Yes, it will take me longer, but the views are so very worth it.

- Interlibrary Loan - if the 20 libraries in Nashville city don't have it, they can request it from other cities and states!

I think that this is just the beginning, here's to more posts like this.

To be continued...

xoxo

An Argument for Staying Put

I've been on the run for years now. Always wanting to go somewhere other than where I was am. Getting lost in other people's pictures of adventures around the world, or even just around the states. I moved to Portland three times because the forests seemed greener... I moved back to San Diego three times because the palm trees seemed cheerier.

Then I moved to Nashville, and about two months in I realized things were nothing like I expected or wanted them to be. Since then my mind has been up to it's old tricks, looking for the next place to roam. The next place that will ultimately disappoint, not because of anything it lacks, but because I don't know how to stay. I've been avoiding commitment with Nashville, I've been looking at all the other places there are to go. I'm wondering how fair that is to myself. Nashville and Tennessee don't care, they have people flocking here daily, but me, for peace of mind, for happiness, is this constant "pick up and go" fair?

I am limited lately, which may be a blessing in disguise or a lesson I am finally going to sit down and learn. So here I stay. While I stay here I could continue to dream of all the other places I could go... back home, Colorado, Montana, the Carolinas... but I would just be continuing to make myself a touch miserable.

There needs to be a balance. I am definitely allowed to want to see the states. I can dream all I want of cross country road trips, hiking in Arizona and Utah (in the cooler but not cold months, let's be real here), watching the sun rise again at Horseshoe Bend, those are allowed to be goals. But they can't be the only goals. It's time to start making an effort with Nashville again, finding the little bits of things I want, making connections, making this place home. I don't have to be here forever, but maybe I should start acting like I will be. Start making the best of it like there are no other options. Start giving this space a little more respect.

I chose to be here. I drove from San Diego with just about all I own crammed in my car to check this out. It's not Tennessee's job to impress me, she's not the one who loses out. I wanted to be here. It's my job to stay put for a while, it's my job to make the most of it. It's my job to find what I am looking for, right where I am.

It's no where else. It's all inside.

So here's to staying put, and somehow embarking on far more treacherous and challenging journeys, right at home, in my mind.

xoxo

About Nashville

Nine months in, this is what I have learned about Nashville thus far...

Each street has at least three names, one of which might be a number. Confusing? Yes.

Nashville is very much about music, and while it has a lot of country spots, it's not as country as I thought it would be.

There are very few line dancing bars, the ones we do have are as follows:
Wild Horse: very family friendly, they bank on tourism
Whiskey Dix: outside of city center about 35-40 minutes, college bar for the most part, two rooms, country and hip hop, free cover for ladies before 10pm AND free long necks until 11
Silverados: Underneath a bridge about 20 minutes from city center, not in the best neighborhood BUT they play older country until about 10:30 and then they mix some hip hop/pop in, $8 cover and free long necks until 11

Broadway will either dazzle or repel you. Give it some time, a portion of your money (they thrive with tourism) take a drink or two, and you won't be able to help but love it at least a little.

McKay's is where you want to be for used books and music.

Finding people originally from Nashville in the city proper is like finding a unicorn, so many transplants here.

There are traffic lights that do the normal, red yellow green thing but then at certain times of the day they just flash yellow. This is not the same as flashing red. I'm sorry to the person behind me.

Yellow to red lights here mean "just a couple more please", not slow down and stop now.

The HOV/Carpool lane can be used by all except for the hours between 4-6. That one really blew my mind.

Nashville and Portland, Oregon share a lot, and I mean a lot of similarities in the styles and hang out spots of younger generations. There's a significant show of man buns/long hair, beards, somewhat tight pants, skinny bodies, frayed shirts, microbreweries, coffee shops, thick framed glasses, fedoras and somewhat fancy shoes. Not going to lie, I was looking more for cowboy boots, flannel, baseball caps and two steppin venues. I'm not completely out of luck, just less options than previously anticipated.

Speaking of two steppin... there isn't much of that happening even at the country bars listed above! They have other partner dances that they seem to prefer more.

It gets cold. I mean, if you're from a snowing state, then... no, it doesn't get cold. But if your from the West Coast... it gets cold. It also gets hot. It's summer and I'm sometimes melting.

Sometimes it does snow, and that one inch might even stick, but it'll melt by afternoon. Enjoy it, make muddy snowmen, take pictures, breathe it in, and then let it go. Appreciate that you don't have to shovel anything.

***Then live through icepocolypse 2015 where Nashville was shut down for 2 days and only got up and running completely after about 6 when one to two inches of ice and snow came down and the temperatures didn't reach above 35.

It's humid, constantly. I don't think this is a bad thing, I wish it helped the static that is often present in my hair during winter, but alas it does not.

Being just about 29, single, never married and with no children is not as normal here as it is in San Diego. Being 29, married with children is totally normal and expected here. Never seen so many young parents in my life. Welcome to the South. I want to note that I am not judging negatively on this, at all. I just happen to feel behind sometimes when out on the weekend.

There is one Trader Joe's. It's in the worst traffic area of Nashville (in my humble opinion) otherwise known as Green Hills. Don't go around 1:30-2 when school is getting out if you're going south after, you'll end up eating your snacks before you get home.

There are no Starbucks in East Nash.

Potholes can be filled and back again within what seems like a week. After the snow is a rousing game of dodge the pothole on any given road!

Luke Bryan does go out to eat with his family as does Alan Jackson... both go to a restaurant I worked at when I first moved here. Definitely one of the highlights of working there. I. talked. to. Luke. Bryan. I thought I wasn't a fan girl. I was wrong.

If you go to Broadway and find someone cute, chances are they are not from here. Stick with Demonbreun or Midtown for a few more locals.

Nashville is growing like crazy, traffic is starting to take after San Diego rush hour, mostly because there are fewer lanes here and so. many. people.

I'd be lying if I said I was in love with Nashville. I'm not. I like it well enough, but am I convinced that this is my forever place? No. Maybe I just haven't found my part yet, I'm not sure. But I'm going to keep trying and exploring.

xoxo

Montana

How do I even start my story about Montana? With a sigh? With a tear? Maybe a little of both and a hint of a smile. Montana. It started May 1st, I met a man (off of Tinder) who was here visiting, recording an album. I didn't think much of it before we met, and the plan to meet wasn't set in stone. It was my favorite, non committal type of plan, if we're both in the same place at the same time, then we'll meet. No expectations, no pressure.

We ended up at the same place, at the same time. I had met a few of my out of town friends in the busiest most touristy part of town but they weren't able to stay long and so I had some options of people to meet up with next. I sent a message and went to one of my favorite bars right off of Broadway. It shares it's name with a movie, there's no cover for females and if you're brave (or just really liquored up) you have a platform to dance on. It was but a quarter of an hour at most before I got the text of arrival, I turn around and there he was, looking better than the pictures I had swiped right on. It was a moment, one of those where things just click, where there's no one else in the room, where there's a straight path from you to them. That moment turned into a full night of picking songs at that favorite place, of trying to beat the crowd and find somewhere to partner dance, of feeling like a queen walking around with her real deal cowboy date. He bought me a rose from a guy in the street, and I didn't stop him. We walked the pedestrian bridge and laughed about all sorts of things. There was a moment a second too late where I wondered if he had just been about to kiss me, and then so many second after trying to recreate that space so it might happen.

There was an adventure out to the Parthenon at 2:30am because it wasn't time to go home yet, home meant him leaving in the morning and I wasn't ready. We walked around, we hid from possible cop cars, and another of those moments, but still mostly friendly banter. Then back to the parking lot where his car was, trading opinions on country music, and then him saying it was time to dance, right there, music playing from the car. Laughing because dancing on an unkept parking lot surface is so much different than wood floors. Talking and talking about nothing and everything because it wasn't time to go but we weren't ready to make the move forward. And then finally calling it, him walking me to my car, me getting in and just looking at him, and then getting back out. A goodnight kiss that was everything it needed to be and nothing more.

An amazing first date.

Go through then, a montage of daily text messages and then moving up to phone calls. Questions, questions, questions about past, present and future. The work of getting to know someone. The frustrations and limitations of work schedules and distances. He living in Texas, a place I had left my ex because of distance almost a year before. An attempt from him to come back here and then the invitation for me visit on his trip back home. A state I had never been in, but had been thinking about going to... Montana.

Two weeks later I was on a plane, ticket paid for, feeling once again quite like a queen in cowgirl boots. Antsy for hours at a time and then I arrived, in that small airport of Missoula. I walked out of the airport to a sky that I'm sure I'll never forget. Quiet, calm, spotted with clouds, mountains in the distance with frames of trees. He picked me up in a diesel truck and off we went. We drove for over an hour, windows down, my hand out taking it all in. The sky, the mountains, the trees, the wide open spaces, the small towns with small shops and then more sky, mountains, trees and wide open spaces. So much space to breathe.

The four days passed slow and fast, a blur of pups running up to the truck as we came up the dirt road, the room that was ours, horseback rides up a mountain, off trails, curious cows and a horse that needed shoes. Riding in a rusted truck seatbelts off, the shooting of guns in an open field and nights on his friends' porch. There was a night where he played and sang some of his songs while the puppy kept me warm, curled up on my lap, I could have stayed there for a very, very long time. There were chickens and pigs and talks of hay and curiosities about farm life answered. And that view, the big sky, mountains framed with trees, it held me attention completely.

It ended too soon, I would given a lot to stay just a few more days. I left with tears rolling down my face, kicking and screaming on the inside. I took a chance, I pushed my boundaries and regardless of the tears that may be in my eyes right now, I am very glad I did. It was everything I wanted it to be while it was. Montana and the man left some big shoes to fill.

xoxo

Breaking Up - A Year Later

This was always going to be hard to write about. I went up and down in feelings for much longer than I anticipated. Much, much longer. They say half the time you are together with someone and that should be the amount of time you take to get over it. That might be true for some, but it wasn't true for me. It's not that I thought we needed to be back together, I figured we would have been even more painfully torn apart if I had stayed, but it's hard deciding to end things with a best friend.
I'm often embarrassed by how "long" it has taken me, how sometimes I still remember a little something and I have to take a deep breath. I'm suppose to be strong and independent... I moved across the country by myself for heaven's sake. Then there's also the fact that he moved on months ago, MONTHS. And how the discovery of that hit like a ten ton truck. It wasn't just the finding out, but the fact that it was posted like I never was, for everyone to see, heart eyes and all.

About three months ago I told the heartbreaking story of the last night to a good friend, and I cried again because it still felt pretty new. But there was something in that telling that was different than all the other tellings. Somehow that telling released me, and deep in the depths I guess I decided I was okay again. I noticed it with a song. Driving a few days later it came on the radio and instead of turning it off immediately I enjoyed it as I had more than a year before, completely separate from the meaning it had grown. I didn't remember or notice the ease until it was almost over. But when I did I marveled and wondered what had switched and most importantly I took that as a good sign.

The truth, a year later is as such: I loved him very much. I didn't love myself very much. During the first 6 months I went back and forth from questioning my decision to being very sure it had been right. It took longer than I expected to be even partially at peace. The truth is we aren't right for each other anymore, but I am glad we were then. I'm glad I got to experience all that I did with him for so many reasons.

I meant to post this a while back, and since thinking I had posted it I have found myself in another break up situation. This one hurt different, but I'll save that for another time.



xoxo

Lately

Lately...

I've been working, I got myself a second job after being with only a 3/4 time job (better than part time don't you think) for about a month and a half so things are looking a little more stable financially. Well, that is, they were, until we got noticed at my apartment that it the rent is raising and we need to agree to another year... neither I nor my roommate are interested in that so it's to the internets I went a searching. After not too much hard work and a lot of good thoughts into the universe I found an adorable place. I'll be moving farther south to an apartment with a great view as seen above (let's hope people don't buy and build in the next 6 months) and a new friend. While it wasn't an ideal time money wise, it is definitely a push I needed. I'm really excited.

I've been going back and forth on using Tinder. I'm not one who believes heavily in internet dating for myself, I'm a bit of a strange bird when it comes to dating in general, so Tinder is a bit of a game, but it's an addicting and while also annoying I just can't seem to quit it fully. I did stop for a while because I found myself uninterested in actually meeting the guys I was matched with, but then I got bored or lonely or frustrated with the lack of single men I come across weekly and went back on it. I ALMOST met up with someone but they showed their true colors right before and so it just wasn't meant to be. It was comical though, someday I'll probably tell you the story. Last weekend though I met up with a few different guys from it, they didn't start as dates which is perfect for me, way less pressure. But one turned into an awesome night that I will never forget that included a rose, dancing in parking lots and a 3am trip to the Parthenon. That was a win.

I have been watching a lot of tv and movies via netflix and checking them out from the library. I went and saw The Longest Ride in theaters with a friend of mine and about died. There's a rodeo coming in May, guess who's goin. This girl.

At work I've been figuring out how to feel like I've done enough for each day, how to structure my work with the assignments that I get handed. I am fine tuning existing procedures and adding some things here and there. I'm working most on being present and finding solutions for my frustrations rather than think it's time to do something else. I have a pretty amazing situation going on here, and I want to make it even better.

I've started reading this amazing book called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. and ladies, this is a game changer. I don't think I've written much on here about my human sexuality studies over the years, but this book... this book should be required reading for women. It's not the bs you read in Cosmo/Glamour/Women's Health about all the tricks and tips to better satisfy xyz, this is a self improvement you-are-completely-normal-even-if-none-of-your-friends-have-that-same-experience kind of book. It's about how desire isn't a switch you just turn on. This is monumental. Well, it could be monumental if many woman and even some men read it. I'll be posting more about it I'm sure. I'm in love with this book.

It's been a mix. I was feeling really low for a couple weeks and then snapped out of it and had a really awesome following few days. I know that technically being happy is a choice, but sometimes we make that choice, or we try our best to make that choice and either we aren't ready or we haven't been convinced yet. And then something snaps into place, it just clicks over and everything is fine and wonderful again. I think it helped that the sun came out and it got warm. The warm parts of Spring are my favorite.

How have you been?

xoxo