An Argument for Staying Put

I've been on the run for years now. Always wanting to go somewhere other than where I was am. Getting lost in other people's pictures of adventures around the world, or even just around the states. I moved to Portland three times because the forests seemed greener... I moved back to San Diego three times because the palm trees seemed cheerier.

Then I moved to Nashville, and about two months in I realized things were nothing like I expected or wanted them to be. Since then my mind has been up to it's old tricks, looking for the next place to roam. The next place that will ultimately disappoint, not because of anything it lacks, but because I don't know how to stay. I've been avoiding commitment with Nashville, I've been looking at all the other places there are to go. I'm wondering how fair that is to myself. Nashville and Tennessee don't care, they have people flocking here daily, but me, for peace of mind, for happiness, is this constant "pick up and go" fair?

I am limited lately, which may be a blessing in disguise or a lesson I am finally going to sit down and learn. So here I stay. While I stay here I could continue to dream of all the other places I could go... back home, Colorado, Montana, the Carolinas... but I would just be continuing to make myself a touch miserable.

There needs to be a balance. I am definitely allowed to want to see the states. I can dream all I want of cross country road trips, hiking in Arizona and Utah (in the cooler but not cold months, let's be real here), watching the sun rise again at Horseshoe Bend, those are allowed to be goals. But they can't be the only goals. It's time to start making an effort with Nashville again, finding the little bits of things I want, making connections, making this place home. I don't have to be here forever, but maybe I should start acting like I will be. Start making the best of it like there are no other options. Start giving this space a little more respect.

I chose to be here. I drove from San Diego with just about all I own crammed in my car to check this out. It's not Tennessee's job to impress me, she's not the one who loses out. I wanted to be here. It's my job to stay put for a while, it's my job to make the most of it. It's my job to find what I am looking for, right where I am.

It's no where else. It's all inside.

So here's to staying put, and somehow embarking on far more treacherous and challenging journeys, right at home, in my mind.

xoxo