visions of the future, of small houses and company

Sometimes I sit here with this vision of myself, living in a small house, almost like a cabin, having a dog, and plants and the dishes I need to cook, nothing too grand but the view outside my patio. I feel at peace in this vision, single. Other times I quake in fear that my life will come to that. Would it be too late to have both? What if, in July of next year I moved farther East, or back West, to a place I could live on my own, with a dog. A small house, a humble kitchen, a job that pays all the bills and takes me on unassuming trips.

Been thinking quite a lot about how I show up in relationships, the ones I have and the ones I don't. Been reading, been listening, been watching, been yearing for things I see from silver screens and instead of pushing it back down or pretending to get rid of it, questioning it. Trying to trust myself on something things while also still getting to the root of it. Do I want this person in my life, do I not? Would my life be richer with her in it, do I really need to cut ties or scrap the shallow day to day shit and start over with that, leaving the important parts, the roots...