The Slogging

While there are so many different reasons I have neglected this space is the past, lately it looks a little like this: my life doesn't feel that pretty and I don't want future/current employers/lovers/friends to know that I don't have it all figured out.

It was easier to post when I first got here and Nashville was new, things were exciting, the week to week routines hadn't set in. Nashville was playing it's best Prince Charming and I was along for the horse drawn carriage ride. I found two jobs that would hopefully pay the bills, keep me social and even have me doing a little of what I possibly wanted to be doing.

Here's the deal, horse drawn carriage rides are not smooth. In the beginning you don't notice because Prince Charming is right.there. and there are gorgeous horses in front of you and "look out the window!" (this is a fancy carriage) But soon your body starts to give little hints, and after a little while longer you wonder how long you're going to last on this ride. Prince Charming/Nashville is still right there, and we're still moving along (paying bills, meeting some people) but the bumps of rocks and pot holes in the road are taking a bit of a toll and now it's time to find a new ride.

What I mean by all that is: I'm constantly job hunting, job exploring, job perusing. I'm examining what roles and skills I've used before (secretarial, entry level customer service, administrative and personal assisting) and searching for bits and pieces of other skills that I have used that are just waiting to be realized and expanded upon. I'm wondering about how to get jobs that aren't what I've done before.

While I love the blogs I follow now, I would really love to read some in-the-middle, slogging it out, hard (but not bad) times before good stories. The ones that aren't pessimistic and woe is me, but are saying, hey, is anyone else feeling crushed and elated and confused and useless but sometimes powerful by the career contemplation? This is what I'm doing, this is how it's feeling... is anyone else out there also wading through this too?

Here's my truth future employers/lovers/friends. I'm slogging through some muddy, muddy mental waters and job descriptions. I'm facing some snakes (they one's saying "I can't possibly do _____"), my feet are trying to slip out from under me and my nose sometimes wrinkles at the smell (metaphorical... I take showers). The sun is shining, I'm not depressed, but sometimes my muscles become fatigued and I get shaky. Other times I find a bit of extra energy and I make a squelchy path forward. I'm wading through the "I don't want to apply for what I use to apply for, so what the heck now?" mud bogs.

It's slow. I don't know how I got to from the bumpy carriage to traipsing through the mud. Maybe I had to leave the carriage and wade through the mud to get to the car and the smoother road. I'm not really sure at this point. That's definitely what I'm hoping. Maybe it's even what I'm planning on.

All I know is that I'm slogging through, and it's tough and I'm not a victim, I'm quite strong, and brave. But this isn't just for a job, this is some serious slogging to find a good path, for now, to grow on. It's why future lovers and friends are also addressed. It's not just what office I want to spend the majority of my week in, this isn't a choice between two titles, it's a process, it's a gathering, questioning, trying hard to find tiny but wonderful answers in the midst of so. much.mud. It's messy... and I'm not sure I'll ever be fully clean.

So that's where I am. In the mud pit, hoping all this mess is going to do great things for my complexion.

Now where did the carriage go?

xoxo