Onward

Currently in the middle of my drive across the states to my new home. I'm in awe constantly as I drive through these wide open spaces that make up the fly over states. Nothing short of incredible.

xoxo

Portland Love: Three Years Gone and It Was Like I Never Left

For some reason I thought I had already posted about Portland. Turns out that I looked at some pictures, didn't edit them, and then completely spaced on it up until now. My trip to Portland was phenominal. The trip was absolutely everything I wanted it to be and more. Portland delivered in the best of ways.

While in Portland I:
- Got to meet up with two gorgeously amazing and wonderful women that I had been conversing with through blogs and instagram. Kara and Mei are doing great things in the world and I highly suggest you look them up.

- Had my friend Lisa add to my arm. I am so frickin proud of this girl, I've known her for many years now and I've seen her decide she wants things and just powerhouse to them. Such an inspiration that girl. If you are in the Portland area and are looking for traditional tattoos hit her up at Jackalope Tattoo!

-Talk about women doing great things, I think that's what this trip was all about! Nicole, one of my besets friends, has had her shop, Victory for about three years now and I finally got to see it. Great vibe, lovely clothes, styled out like a boss. (Her shop is fourth row down, she is 6th row giving the double peace sign at the coast)

- Nicole and I took a day trip to the coast. It was the weekend so it was quite busy, but I love me a good coast view so it was worth it. I rented a car for the occasion and the guy gave me a Cadillac SUV for the price of the compact. Were we stoked? Heck yes! Did we listen to Mariah Carey and other wonderful music on the way? Of course. We also tried desperately to find a path down to the shore but I think we went the wrong way and had the wrong shoes. Maybe next time.

- Nicole also took me to my very first Timbers match. Holy goodness it was soooo much fun. We won, which was so great because the person next to me helped with the dances and chants and the guys on our other side kept requesting kisses on the cheek when a goal was scored. I started to understand why people get so into sports. I'm not about to go picking my teams and spending lots of time with it myself, but I get it. There's definitely a sense of community.

- Ate at Mio Sushi, Nicholas Restaurant and of frickin course Voodoo Donut. I recommend all three definitely. My favorite Mio Sushi is on Hawthorne, my favorite Nicholas's is on Grand, but the one on Broadway is good too, and if you are going to Voodoo Donut I highly suggest getting on the 20 bus over the bridge to the East Side. The downtown Voodoo almost always except for the wee morning hours has a long, long line. I think the other one only has super long lines on the weekend.

- Walked around my old neighborhoods. It was really hot and muggy while I was there which wasn't ideal, but I did get to see everywhere that I use to spend a lot of time. I definitely miss it. Years from now I might just find myself back in the Pacific Northwest. A part of my heart is still there without a doubt.

- I got to dance at Dante's Sinferno as a go-go. I use to do this every couple of Sundays and I had so much fun. It was like getting paid to dance at a club AND see awesome and sometimes strange performances. The show is definitely not for everybody, it can get pretty crass and sometimes lewd, but the talent up on stage is undeniable. Contortionists that balance on their hands and shoot a toy boy and arrow over their head with their feet and hit the target?! Aerial artists on lyra and on silks, funny magicians and of course, the go-gos. It was really by chance that I got to do it, the Portland Gods were definitely smiling down on me this trip.

- And of course no Portland vacation would be complete without a visit to the Downtown Powells followed by some time in the photobooth in the Ace Hotel lobby.

Portland, you have a big part of my heart. I don't plan on staying away for so long ever again.

xoxo

Lately

Lately I've been...

Proud of: My mornings!!! I have been waking up at 6:00am or even 5:45am now for a couple weeks and I love, love, love it. I am no longer such a night owl, I am learning to put down a book when my eyes start getting heavy at night (something I use to fight through). I have been getting close to bed around 9 and then I'm usually close to sleep by 10 or 10:30. It's crazy! And even crazier is that I love it. Back to my early bird roots!

Reading:
The Miracle Morning - Hal Elrod
Bird by Bird - Anne Lamot (re-reading and loving)
Do Cool Shit - Miki Agrawal
The Circle - Dave Eggers

Cooking: Black Bean Hummus, Pita Bread, Skillet Brownies, nutella cinnamon rolls, lots of no knead bread, and unintentionally overcooked chicken

Watching: Orphan Black and Revenge. I went through two seasons of Orphan Black in about a week. Nothing but good things to say about that show. Love the characters, the plot, the twists. Really excited for the third season.
Revenge I started this past week because I am house sitting and the parentals have Netflix all hooked up to their awesome and huge tv. Revenge sucked me in for sure. I am almost completely done with the first season and I'm starting to get less into it but we'll see. Something to watch while I'm working on blankets this fall no doubt.

Working on: My black white and gold granny square blanket. Also have another blanket idea in my mind that I cannot stop thinking about but I promised myself I would at least make the b/w/g a throw size before I start working on the other one. I'm pretty close!

Also working on my resume as I am job hunting in Nashville!

Listening to:
Shake It Off - Taylor Swift (love love love this girl, duh)
Crazier - Taylor Swift, just found this yesterday on  Desert Darling
Bartender - Lady Antebellum
Mumford and Sons (all)

Looking forward to: My almost cross country drive to my new state!!! I have some stops planned along the way and I am so very excited!

xoxo

Big News!!! I'm Moving To Nashville!!!

It is official, I found a place, put in notice at work, parents have been notified...

I, Corey,  am moving to Nashville, Tennessee!!!

It's still doesn't feel quite real. I've packed almost everything up because I'm staying at my parents house until it's time to go. My walls here are now bare, everything is packed into a couple bins and suitcases and smaller plastic tubs. I will soon be test running the space I have in my car with the amount of stuff I think I am taking. I'm hoping it will be adequate.

Truth be told, I'm nervous. But I'm also so excited for all the place I get to see and explore. So many states so close together. A new part of the U.S. I dream about this kind of thing often. It's funny how when you get closer to something you have dreamed about it starts to scare you. But I've learned many times in the past that if I'm nervous it's because I'm testing my boundaries, and that's where my growth happens.

Here's to a new adventure. I'm ready, it's time.

xoxo

Lately

Learning: How to edit photos in Lightroom. Really excited about this. Finally, finally starting to figure out how to get my photos a little boost!

Reading: Just finished Year of No Sugar which definitely blew my mind and started worrying me. I am a sugar-a-holic and even on days I think I don't eat that much turns out I do. Because it's in everything. Time to start making my own bread I think. No sugar needed in homemade bread. I have a couple other books checked out from the library but I'm not sure what is next. Going to scale back heavily on anything self improvement oriented as I am no longer using it for good, just as more ammunition against myself as examples of what else I could be doing better. Fiction and memoirs please.

Watching: Pretty Little Liars, every Tuesday. I'm sure I've said it before, at least on FB... I am addicted to this show, but I wonder, every single episode, why these girls keep going into dark houses and forests by themselves when people are getting killed. Seriously ladies. AND, just go tell the police. My friend did remind me the police are not fully trustworthy, but still. So many more issues than necessary. I started following Troian Bellisario on instagram because on her free time she trains in silks. Rad, rad, rad. At the same studio she also trains in self defense and it makes me want to go to the studio and train too. Thinking about starting Orphan Black or Masters of Sex. Watched the Pilot of Masters and loved it. But couldn't find the second episode for free.
Saw: Wish I Was Here. Loved it. Not surprised.

Listening/Dancing/Singing in the car to:I want u - Alison Wonderland
Adrenalize - In This Moment
Dust - Eli Young Band
Crazy Town - Jason Aldean (foreshadowing here)
Young In America - Danielle Bradberry
Partition - Beyonce
Bend Ova - Lil Jon

Stressing about: My life a month from now. Big changes underway (see foreshadow for clue). Very, nervous. I want to push the nervousness to the side and be excited. Working on that.

Excited for: Portland this weekend!!! Going to go see the Oregon coast FINALLY. Lived there about 3 years total and never went to see the coast. Unacceptable! Also excited for seeing best friends, getting a cupcake from Saint Cupcake, getting tattooed from my friend Lisa who just got her license!!!!, getting a donut from Voodoo, going to Sinferno, and being back among the trees.

xoxo

Life Lately - A Breakup

Life's been a crazy, crazy mix of emotions lately. Like heartbreak city and excitement over the future while wondering about each feeling and processing and planning and worrying. Always a little worry.
Leaving Austin was the hardest thing to do. I left there ending a relationship that has been the focus of my life for the past 9+ months. I didn't know if I wanted to post anything about it here but this is a documentation of my life and my thoughts and the things I find online so it seems a little inappropriate not to.
The first week was hard then easy, the second week was confusing and started easy but ended hard and sad. I feel like a few more weeks here on out will be filled with the same. I'm the kind of person that moves on to the next thing super fast. I don't mean the next person, that's never fast, I mean, the next thing, the next thing that's going to make me feel giddy or hopeful or in some way happy. Thinking about the end of a relationship was not something that was leaving me with hope and I did't mean to but I sought distractions. Books, new computer, planning what's next. I'm doing my best to grieve too. I know grieving is very very important. Grieve what is lost. We're still talking but obviously it's hard. I don't want to be in Austin, even if I would love to visit again in the far future. I want to be in Nashville. My head was screaming "What about Nashville" the whole time I was in Austin.
That didn't leave room for giving Austin a fair chance. It didn't leave room for an actual vacation, I came home far more worn out than I had been on the flight there. But questions were answered. Questions that I didn't want to ask, questions that he didn't want to ask, questions that we all try to avoid until our body or mind or tear ducts just won't let us ignore them anymore.
Something is calling me to Nashville. I couldn't even begin to tell you what exactly it is. I can't guarantee I'll find what I am searching for when I get there. But I HAVE to go. I was at a crossroad of Should and Have and my body, my mind picked Have. I should have stayed there, I should have made it work somehow, I should have found a way to fall head over heals for Austin. Maybe. Who knows. But that's what it felt like. I felt like my heart was being ripped as my plane took off back to California. I cried even though there were people in the seats next to me. I tried to keep it as quiet as I could but my nose gets stuffed up and I start sniffling pretty fast into the waterworks. I am trying not to tear up about it now.
I know now better than ever what people mean when they say dreams take sacrifice. That you're going to have to give up a lot of good and great to get blow your mind, out of this world, right. I know what they mean when they say we have to do things we don't want to do. Like say goodbye. Not to the person forever but to that time you had, those months, those eternities of smiles and hand kisses and adventures and waking up and not knowing what to do on weekends. I never knew before because I didn't let myself get close to that kind of emotional investment. I regret none of it. I cherish all of it.
The future is going to have some pretty big shoes to fill. 
Until then I'm here, heavy and light.

xoxo

Before the Jump

I can feel it. I'm sitting on the edge of something new. I know it's time to move forward, but I'm still finding the path. I've been working hard these past couple of years. Working hard to make improvements to the little things, the little things that make up the big things. I've been staying put so as not to run away.

I promised myself that the next time I went somewhere new, I would be running toward something instead of away.

I've been reading a lot of books, and one of them had me facing some interesting questions. Questions like: What is your Prince Charming? What are you looking to be saved by? The exercise is to see what you've been waiting for this whole time, what you just really hope will come and save you, the thing or person or idea that will make your life peaches and cream, sinfully delicious with no retribution. That Prince Charming, it's been outed so it can be acknowledged. Not judged, just seen. Then once you've taken a long look at this supposed Prince, start teaching yourself the truth: you are your own Prince Charming. It's going to have to be you.

My Prince Charming? Probably the open road. Or epiphanies. I am a fool  in love (or maybe lust) for the idea of epiphanies. Something that sticks, something that clicks in an instant and it stays more powerful than the habits and the thoughts that you have been cultivating and practicing for years and years.

Epiphanies aren't going to save me. And now that I think about it, who says I need saving?
I don't need to be saved. Yes, I'm often frustrated, yes I could grow more in certain aspects of my life, yes I could be making more money, seeing more places, posting more to the blog, etc. But does that mean I need saving? Absolutely not, I'm not so bad off.

I have a roof over my head, clothes to keep warm, a fan to cool off, a computer to type, explore and learn, cameras to capture beauty. I have family, and friends. I have my significant other that loves me for exactly what I am, right now. Without even trying, he's teaching me to love that too. Me as I am. Right here. Right now.

So where am I going? What am I on the edge of? I'm not sure yet. I know it's something great though. Something bigger than I've done before, maybe by a lot, maybe by a little. Time will tell. It's going to have some rough spots, all great things do.

But I don't and won't need to be saved.

And I'll be running at it, instead of away.

xoxo