Before the Jump

I can feel it. I'm sitting on the edge of something new. I know it's time to move forward, but I'm still finding the path. I've been working hard these past couple of years. Working hard to make improvements to the little things, the little things that make up the big things. I've been staying put so as not to run away.

I promised myself that the next time I went somewhere new, I would be running toward something instead of away.

I've been reading a lot of books, and one of them had me facing some interesting questions. Questions like: What is your Prince Charming? What are you looking to be saved by? The exercise is to see what you've been waiting for this whole time, what you just really hope will come and save you, the thing or person or idea that will make your life peaches and cream, sinfully delicious with no retribution. That Prince Charming, it's been outed so it can be acknowledged. Not judged, just seen. Then once you've taken a long look at this supposed Prince, start teaching yourself the truth: you are your own Prince Charming. It's going to have to be you.

My Prince Charming? Probably the open road. Or epiphanies. I am a fool  in love (or maybe lust) for the idea of epiphanies. Something that sticks, something that clicks in an instant and it stays more powerful than the habits and the thoughts that you have been cultivating and practicing for years and years.

Epiphanies aren't going to save me. And now that I think about it, who says I need saving?
I don't need to be saved. Yes, I'm often frustrated, yes I could grow more in certain aspects of my life, yes I could be making more money, seeing more places, posting more to the blog, etc. But does that mean I need saving? Absolutely not, I'm not so bad off.

I have a roof over my head, clothes to keep warm, a fan to cool off, a computer to type, explore and learn, cameras to capture beauty. I have family, and friends. I have my significant other that loves me for exactly what I am, right now. Without even trying, he's teaching me to love that too. Me as I am. Right here. Right now.

So where am I going? What am I on the edge of? I'm not sure yet. I know it's something great though. Something bigger than I've done before, maybe by a lot, maybe by a little. Time will tell. It's going to have some rough spots, all great things do.

But I don't and won't need to be saved.

And I'll be running at it, instead of away.

xoxo